Thursday, July 16, 2009

more jokes

Differences Between Man and Women

1. If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara. If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out

2 When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back. When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3 A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs. A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

4 Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6. The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

5 Arguments
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6 Women love cats.Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.

7 A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

8 A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife. A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

9 A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

10 A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

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