Thursday, July 16, 2009

more jokes

1. Using illegal drugs must really fry your brain, as the public service announcements show. A man called the police to report that he had just been robbed. As he was attempting to deliver drugs to two women in his car, a third person came to the window and robbed him. So, naturally, he called the police. All four of them were arrested.

2 A man was charged with driving with a suspended license. When he went to post bail, he was arrested again because he tried to pay with a counterfeit $50 bill.

3 Four people robbed a candy store in downtown Cincinnati. The police had no trouble finding them. All they had to do was follow the trail of candy wrappers.

4 She thought I would be easy. After filling out an application for a new account, she handed it to the teller, then pulled out a gun and demanded money. Only problem is, she left the application behind with her name and address on it. She was arrested with out incident less than an hour later.

5 A man went into a Wells Fargo bank and planned to rob it. He got a deposit slip and wrote on it: "This iz a stikup. Put all the munny in this bag." Then he stood in line. But he got nervous thinking that someone might have seen him write the note. So he left the bank and crossed the street to the Bank of America. He waited in line, then handed the note to the teller. After reading the note, the teller determined that the man was not very bright. So he told him he could not accept the stickup note because it was written on a Wells Fargo deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Bank of America deposit slip or go back to the Wells Fargo. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and returned to the Wells Fargo where he was arrested while standing in line.

6 Some employees of an airplane manufacturing company decided to have some fun. They stole a life raft from the plane they were working on. They successfully got it out and took it home without getting caught. Later they took it for a ride down the river. But soon they saw a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turns out that the helicopter was homing in on the emergency lighting locator beacon that had activated when they inflated the raft.

7 A man decided to steal some beer from a liquor store. He got a cinder block, went to the store, lifted the cinder block over his head and threw it at the window. The cinder block bounced back at him, hit him in the head and knocked him unconscious. The window was made of Plexiglas. The whole thing was caught on video tape.

8 A driver was speeding and was unknowingly caught in a speed trap that measured his speed with radar and photographed his car. In the mail, he later received a ticket for $100, along with a photograph of his car. He sent the ticket back with a photograph of a $100 bill. He then received a letter from the police department with a photograph of hand cuffs. He paid the ticket.

9 A nervous pair of robbers entered a record store to rob it. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled robber shot him.

10 A woman called the poison control center, upset because her little daughter had eaten some ants. The person at poison control assured her that ants were not dangerous and that her little girl would be fine. The mother was relieved, then (fortunately) mentioned that she had given her daughter some ant poison to kill the ants. She was told to get to the emergency room as quickly as possible.

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