jokes

1 Police in Montana stopped a car because the driver was swerving. While they were having him do the field sobriety test, the passenger got behind the wheel and drove off.The police yelled at him and he stopped. He was also sited for drunk driving.

2 A female walked into a bank in Centereach, New York and handed the teller a note, demanding all her cash. The note said she would start shooting if the teller didn't comply.The teller asked her, "Are you serious?"The suspect responded by fleeing the bank.

3 A woman in Gloucester, UK, filed a life insurance claim on her husband's $550,000 policy, because he had died in Afghanistan of brain trauma after an accident. She had the death certificate to prove it.You would think a dead man would not need to see his doctor for anything. But, yet, the husband showed up at his general practitioner a few weeks later.He had also been living openly in Gloucester, working and paying taxes.They were both sentenced to community service because (1) they were "less than sophisticated," in other words, dumb and (2) no money was lost.Makes you wonder about justice.

4 A former employee of a Pizza Hut tried to extort $500 for five car roof signs that he took while he worked there. You know, the kind the pizza guy (or gal) puts on top of their car when they go delivering pizzas.The manager told him he wanted proof that he really had them. So the guy emailed him a picture. Only problem was, the police were able to zoom in on the license plates of two cars in the background which were registered to the guy.He was charged with extortion, possession of stolen property and grand larceny.

5 An 85-year-old woman heard someone break into her home one Sunday afternoon. She calmly walked past the teenager and into her bedroom where she got a .22 caliber gun she kept there. Then she came back out, pointed the gun at him and made him pick up the phone and call the police.She kept the gun pointed at him until the police arrived. The boy was charged with attempted burglary.

6 A man in Texas left his car running outside while he robbed a drug store of Zanax and hydrocodine. He ran outside to his get away car only to discover that he had locked the keys inside in the ignition.

7 A man walked into the corner store with a gun, planning to rob it. He demanded all the money in the till. The cashier put the money into a bag, as the robber instructed him to. The robber then demanded the bottle of Scotch he saw behind the counter. But the cashier wouldn't give it to him because he said he didn't believe the robber was over 21. The robber pulled out his driver's license to prove it and the cashier gave him the Scotch.After the robber left, the cashier called the police with the man's name and address. He was arrested soon after.

8 A man was on trial for robbing a convenience store. He didn't like the job his attorney was doing, so he fired him and represented himself. He was doing a fine job until the manager of the store got to the stand. When she identified him as the robber, he jumped up and yelled, "You're lying! I should have blown your head off!!" He paused, then added, "If I had been the one that was there."It took the jury only twenty minutes to find him guilty. He was sentenced to thirty years.
A man thought that the best time to steal a car would be when the driver was getting out of it. He watched a woman stop and park her car. He approached the car, attempting to steal it. The only problem was that the driver was in the process of attaching an anti theft device to the steering wheel. She used it to beat him over the head. He was arrested and charged with robbery, assault and grand larceny.

10 Two inmates were attempting to escape the city jail by crawling through the air conditioning ducts, but fell through the ceiling into the office of the police chief.
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