jokes

1 Three racehorses were in the stable waiting for the big race. Trying to psych each other out, they began bragging. First horse, 'I've been in 38 races and have only lost twice.' Second horse, 'Well, I've been in 47 races and have never lost.' Third horse, 'Huh, I've never lost either and I even beat Secretariat twice.' Just then, they heard a chuckle by the stable door, and there was a greyhound dog walking up to them. The greyhound said, 'That's nothing. I've been in over 200 races and have won every one by at least 3 lengths.' First horse, 'Wow! That's amazing - a talking dog!'

2 An art thief once stole some very expensive paintings from the Louvre in Paris. He took two Van Goghs, a couple Monets, a DeGasse, and some other paintings. Everything went perfectly, except he was captured sitting in his van with the paintings only 2 blocks from the museum. His van had run out of fuel! When asked by the police how he could plan such a successful robbery and then be foiled by such a simple error, he replied... 'I had no MONET to buy DEGASSE to make the VAN GOGH!'

3 Two atoms were walking down the sidewalk and suddenly one slips off the curb and says "Oh no, I've lost my electron!"The other atom says "Are you sure?"1st atom says "Yes, I'm positive!"