JOKES

1 A COUPLE WAS GOING OUT FOR THE EVENING TO CELEBRATE THEIR ANNIVERSARY WHILE THEY WERE GETTING READ6Y THE HUSBAND PUT THE CAT OUTSIDE THE TAXI ARRIVED AND AS THE COUPLE WALKED OUT THE DOOR THE CAT SHOT BACK INTO THE HOUSE NOT WANTING THEIR PET TO HAVE FREE RUNN OF THE HOUSE WHILE THEY'RE WERE OUT THE HUSBAND WENT BACK UPSTAIRS TO GET THE CAT THE WIFE DIDN'T WANT IT KNOWN THAT THERE WOULD BE NO ONE HOME SO SHE SAID TO THE TAXI DRIVER MY HUSBAND WILL BE RIGHT BACK HE'S JUST GOING UPSTAIRS TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIS MOTHER A FEW MINUTES LATER THE HUSBAND CLIMBED INTO THE CAR AND SAID I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG THE OLD THING WAS HIDING UNDER THE BED SO I HAD TO POKE HER WITH A COAT HANGER TO GET HER TO COME OUT

2 WHAT DO YOU CALL A LEMMON EATING CAT
SOURPUSS

3 A PERSISTENT SALESMAN WAS GOING DOOR TO DOOR AND HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR OF A WOMAN WHO WAS NOT HAPPY TO SEE HIM SHE TOLD HIM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT SHE DID NOT WANT TO THE SALES PITCH AND SLAMMED THE DOOR IN HIS FACE TO HER SURPRISE HOWEVER THE DOOR DID NOT CLOSE IN FACT IT FLEW BACL OPEN SHE TRIED AGAIN PUSHING ON IT AS HARD BUT MET WITH THE SAME RESULT THE DOOR BOUNCED BACK OPEN A SECOND TIME CONVINCED THAT THIS PUSHY SALESMAN WAS STICKING HIS FOOT IN THE DOOR SHE REARED BACK TO GIVE IT A SLAM THAT WOULD TEACH HIM A LESSON WHEN HE SAID MAAM BEFORE YOU DO THAT AGAIN I WOULD SUGGEST YOU MOVE YOUR CAT

4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CAT THAT HAS BEEN THROWN IN A DRYER
FLUFFY

5 WHY DID THE TIGER EAT THE TIGHTROPE WALKER
HE WANTED A WELL BALANCED MEAL

6 A POLICE OFFICER SAW A WOMAN SITTING IN HER CAR WITH A TIGER IN THE FRONT SEAT NEXT TO HER THE OFFICER SAID IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE THAT TIGER IN YOUR CAR TAKE HIM TO THE ZOO THE NEXT DAY THE POLICE OFFICER SAW THE SAME WOMAN IN THE SAME CAR WITH THE SAME TIGER HE SAID I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT TIGER TO THE ZOO THE WOMAN REPLIED I DID HE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME TODAY WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH

7 WHY IS IT HARD TO SPOT A LEOPARD IN THE JUNGLE \
BECAUSE THEY ARE BORN SPOTTED

8 A MISSIONARY WAS WALKING THROUGH THE JUNGLE ONE DAY AS HE CAME INTO A CLEARING HE AND A LION CAME TO A FACE AND IN HIS SHOCK HE DROPED THE RIFFLE HE HAD CARRYING HE BEGAN TO RUN AS FAST AS HE COULD AND CAME UPON A TREE THAT HE BEGAN TO CLIMB THAT WAS GOOD NEWS THE BAD NEWS WAS THE LION WAS CHARGING AT HIM GAINING SPEED AND MOMENTUM DEAR LORD THE MISSONARY PRAYED I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE MAKE THAT LION A CHRISTIAN SUDDENLY THE LION SKIDDED TO A HALT FELL TO ITS KNEES CLASPED ITS PAWS TOGETHER AND BEGAN TO PRAY DEAR GOD PLEASE BLESS THIS FOOD THAT I AM ABOUT TO RECIEVE

9 A HUNGRY LION WAS ROAMING THROUGH THE JUNGLE LOOKING FOR HIS NEXT MEAL HE CAME ACROSS TWO MEN ONE WAS SITTING UNDER A TREE READING A BOOK THE OTHER WAS TYPING AWAY ON HIS LAPTOP THE LION QUICKLY POUNCED ON THE MAN READING THE BOOK AND DEVOURED HIM EVEN THE KING OF THE JUNGLE KNOWS THAT READERS DIGEST AND WRITERS CRAMP

10 I CAME FACE TO FACE WITH A LION ONCE AND CAN YOU BELIEVE I FOUND MYSELF ALONE AND WITHOUT A GUN WHAT DID YOU DO WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE FIRST I TRIED LOOKING STRIGHT IN HIS EYES BUT HE SL;OWLY BEGAN TO CREEP TOWARD ME I MOVED BACK BUT HE KEPT COMING I HAD TO DO SOME QUICK THINKING SO HOW DID YOU GET AWAY I JUST LEFT HIM AND PASSED ON TO THE NEXT CAGE