JOKES

1 THE FARMER'S SON WAS RETURNING FROM THE COUNTY FAIR WITH THE CRATE OF CHICKENS HIS FATHER HAD GIVEN HIM WHEN SUDDENLY THE BOX FELL AND BROKE OPEN CHCIKENS FLEW EVERYWHERE BUT THE DETERMINED BOY WALKED ALL OVER THE FIELD GATHERING UP THE WAYWARD BIRD AND RETURNING THEM TO THE REPAIRRED CRATE HOPING HE HAD FOUND THEM ALL THE BOY RELUCTANLY RETURNED HOME EXPECTING THE WORST PA I'M SORRY THE CHICKENS GOT LOOSE THE BOY CONFEESSED SADLY BUT I DID MANAGE TO FIND ALL TWLVE OF THEM WELL YOU DID REAL GOOD THERE SON THE FARMER BEAM YOU LEFT HERE WITH EIGHT

2 WHICH SIDE OF THE CHICKEN HAS THE MOST FEATHERS
THE OUTSIDE

3 WHAT KIND OF SHOES DO THE CHICKENS WEAR TO CROSS THE ROAD
REE BOK BOK BOKS

4 THE CUSTOMER WANTED TO BUY A CHCIKEN AND THE BUTCHER HAD ONLY ONE IN STOCK HE WEIGHED IT AND SAID THIS ONE'S A BEAUTY THAT WILL BE 4. 25 OH BUT THAT ISN'T QUITE LARGE ENOUGH SAID THE CUSTOMER THE BUTCHER PUT THE CHICKEN BACK IN THE REFRIGATOR ROLLED IT AROUND ON THE ICE SEVERAL TIMES THEN PLACED IT BACK ON THE SCALE AGAN THIS ONE IS 5 50 HE SAID ADDING HIS THUMB TO THE WEIGHT OH THAT'S GREAT SAID THE CUSTOMER I'LL TAKE BOTH OF THEM


5 WHY DID THE CHCIKEN CROSS THE ROAD
TO PROVE TO THE POSSUM THAT IT COULD BE DONE

6 WHY DID THE CHEWING GUM CROSS THE ROAD
BECAUSE IT WAS STUCK TO THE CHICKEN'S FOOT

JOKES

1. ONE DAY A MAN WAS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD AT ABOUT THIRTY MILES PER HOUR WHEN HE NOTICED THAT THERE WAS A THREE LEGGED CHCIKEN RUNNING ALONG BESIDE HIS CAR HE STEPPED HE STEPPED ON THE ACCELERATOR BUT AT FIFTY MILES PER HOUR THE CHICKEN WAS STILL KEEPING UP WITH THE CAR AFTER ABOUT A MILE THE CHICKEN RAN UP A FARM LANE AND INTO A BARN BEHIND AN OLD FARM HOUSE THE MAN WAS SO AMAZED BY WHAT HW HAD SEEN HE TURNED AROUND AND DROVE UP THE FARM LANE HE KNOCKED AT THE DOOR AND WHEN THE FARMER ANSWERED HE TOLD HIM WHAT HE HAD JUST SEEN THE FARMER SAID THAT HE KNEW ABOUT THAT CHCIKEN AS A MATTER OF FACT THE FARMER SAID THAT HIS SON WAS A GENNNNETICIST HE HAD DEVELOPED THIS BREED OF CHICKEN BECAUSE THE THREE OF THEM EACH LIKE A DRUMSTICK WHEN THEY HAD CHICKEN AND THIS WAY THEY'D PNLY HAVE TO KILL ONE CHCIKEN THE MAN SAID THAT'S THE MOST INCREDIBLE STORY I HAVE EVERY HEARD SO HOW DO THEY TASTE THE FARMER ANSWERED I DON'T KNOW WE CAN'T CATCH THEM

2 WHY DID MOZART SELL HIS CHICKENS
THEY KEPT SAYING BACH BACH BACH

jJOKES

1 TWO HENS WERE PECKING AROUND THE CHICKEN YARD WHEN SUDENNLY A SOFTBALL SAILED OVER THE FENBCE AND LANDED JUST INCHES FROM THEM ONE HEN TURNED TO THE OTHER AND SAID DO YOU SEE THAT LOOK AT THE ONES THEY'RE TURNING OUT NEXT DOOR

2 WHAT HAS FEATHERS AND WRITES \
A BALLPOINT HEN

3 LARRY HAD NJEVER COOKED A DAY IN HIS LIFE BUT THOUGHT HE'D LIKE TO SURPRISE HIS WIFE WITH A SPECIAL DINNER ON HER BIRTHDAY HE WENT OUT TO THE BARN SELECTED A CHICKEN PLUCKED IT AND POPPED IT INTO THE OVEN AN HOUR LATER HE DISCOVERED HE HADN'T TURNED THE OVEN AS HE OPENED THE DOOR THE CHICKEN SAT UP AND SAID LOOK MISTER CAN YOU EITHER TURN ON THE HEAT OR GIVE ME BACL MY FEATHER

4 WHY WAS THE CHICKEN TEAM SO BAD AT BASEBALL
THEY KEPT GETTING FOWL BALLS

JOKES

1. WHICH BIG CAT SHO YOU NEVER PLAY A BOARD GAME WITH

2 WHY AREN'T LEO[PARDS ANY GOOD AT HIDE AND SEEK
BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS SPOTTED

3 WHY WAS THE CHICKEN SENT TO THE PRINCIPLE'S OFFICE
BECAUSE IT KEPT PECKING ON THE OTHER KID

JOKES

1 WHAT DOES THE LION SAY TO HIS FRIENDS BEFORE THEY GO OUT HUNTING FOR FOOD
LET US PREY

2 WHAT IS A LION'S FAVORITE FOOD
BAKED BEINGS

3 WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE LION ATE THE COMEDIAN

4 HOW DOES A LION GREET OTHERS ANIMALS IN THE FIELD
PLEASE TO EAT YOU

5 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENT BETWEEN A TIGER AND A LION
A TIGER HAS THE MANE PART MISSING

6 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LEOPARD THAT TOOK A BATH THREE TIMES A DAY
AFTER A WEEK HE WAS SPOTLESS

7 ON WHICH DAY DO LIONS EAT PEOPLE
CHEWSDAY

8 WHAT HAPPEND WHEN A LION RUNS INTO AN EXPRESS TRAIN AT THE STATION
IT'S THE END OF THE LION

9 HOW DOES A LEOPARD CHANGE ITS SPOTS
WHEN IT GETS TIRED OF ONE SPOT IT JUST MOVES TO ANOTHER

10 WHAT DO YOU CALL A LION THAT HAS EATEN YOUR MOTHER'S SISTER
AN AUNT EATER

JOKES

1. MR AND MRS PHILLIPS WERE ON A SAFARI IN DARKEST AFRICA THEY WERE WALKING CAUTIOUSLY THROUGH THE JUNGLE WHEN SUDDENLY A HUGE LION LEAPT OUT IN FRONT OF THEM SEIZED MRS PHILLIPS IN ITS JAWS AND STARTED TO DRAG HER AWAY SHOOT SHE SCREAMED TO HER HUSBAND SHOOT I CAN'T HE YELLED BACK I'M ALL OUT OF FILM

JOKES

1 A COUPLE WAS GOING OUT FOR THE EVENING TO CELEBRATE THEIR ANNIVERSARY WHILE THEY WERE GETTING READ6Y THE HUSBAND PUT THE CAT OUTSIDE THE TAXI ARRIVED AND AS THE COUPLE WALKED OUT THE DOOR THE CAT SHOT BACK INTO THE HOUSE NOT WANTING THEIR PET TO HAVE FREE RUNN OF THE HOUSE WHILE THEY'RE WERE OUT THE HUSBAND WENT BACK UPSTAIRS TO GET THE CAT THE WIFE DIDN'T WANT IT KNOWN THAT THERE WOULD BE NO ONE HOME SO SHE SAID TO THE TAXI DRIVER MY HUSBAND WILL BE RIGHT BACK HE'S JUST GOING UPSTAIRS TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIS MOTHER A FEW MINUTES LATER THE HUSBAND CLIMBED INTO THE CAR AND SAID I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG THE OLD THING WAS HIDING UNDER THE BED SO I HAD TO POKE HER WITH A COAT HANGER TO GET HER TO COME OUT

2 WHAT DO YOU CALL A LEMMON EATING CAT
SOURPUSS

3 A PERSISTENT SALESMAN WAS GOING DOOR TO DOOR AND HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR OF A WOMAN WHO WAS NOT HAPPY TO SEE HIM SHE TOLD HIM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT SHE DID NOT WANT TO THE SALES PITCH AND SLAMMED THE DOOR IN HIS FACE TO HER SURPRISE HOWEVER THE DOOR DID NOT CLOSE IN FACT IT FLEW BACL OPEN SHE TRIED AGAIN PUSHING ON IT AS HARD BUT MET WITH THE SAME RESULT THE DOOR BOUNCED BACK OPEN A SECOND TIME CONVINCED THAT THIS PUSHY SALESMAN WAS STICKING HIS FOOT IN THE DOOR SHE REARED BACK TO GIVE IT A SLAM THAT WOULD TEACH HIM A LESSON WHEN HE SAID MAAM BEFORE YOU DO THAT AGAIN I WOULD SUGGEST YOU MOVE YOUR CAT

4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CAT THAT HAS BEEN THROWN IN A DRYER
FLUFFY

5 WHY DID THE TIGER EAT THE TIGHTROPE WALKER
HE WANTED A WELL BALANCED MEAL

6 A POLICE OFFICER SAW A WOMAN SITTING IN HER CAR WITH A TIGER IN THE FRONT SEAT NEXT TO HER THE OFFICER SAID IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE THAT TIGER IN YOUR CAR TAKE HIM TO THE ZOO THE NEXT DAY THE POLICE OFFICER SAW THE SAME WOMAN IN THE SAME CAR WITH THE SAME TIGER HE SAID I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT TIGER TO THE ZOO THE WOMAN REPLIED I DID HE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME TODAY WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH

7 WHY IS IT HARD TO SPOT A LEOPARD IN THE JUNGLE \
BECAUSE THEY ARE BORN SPOTTED

8 A MISSIONARY WAS WALKING THROUGH THE JUNGLE ONE DAY AS HE CAME INTO A CLEARING HE AND A LION CAME TO A FACE AND IN HIS SHOCK HE DROPED THE RIFFLE HE HAD CARRYING HE BEGAN TO RUN AS FAST AS HE COULD AND CAME UPON A TREE THAT HE BEGAN TO CLIMB THAT WAS GOOD NEWS THE BAD NEWS WAS THE LION WAS CHARGING AT HIM GAINING SPEED AND MOMENTUM DEAR LORD THE MISSONARY PRAYED I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE MAKE THAT LION A CHRISTIAN SUDDENLY THE LION SKIDDED TO A HALT FELL TO ITS KNEES CLASPED ITS PAWS TOGETHER AND BEGAN TO PRAY DEAR GOD PLEASE BLESS THIS FOOD THAT I AM ABOUT TO RECIEVE

9 A HUNGRY LION WAS ROAMING THROUGH THE JUNGLE LOOKING FOR HIS NEXT MEAL HE CAME ACROSS TWO MEN ONE WAS SITTING UNDER A TREE READING A BOOK THE OTHER WAS TYPING AWAY ON HIS LAPTOP THE LION QUICKLY POUNCED ON THE MAN READING THE BOOK AND DEVOURED HIM EVEN THE KING OF THE JUNGLE KNOWS THAT READERS DIGEST AND WRITERS CRAMP

10 I CAME FACE TO FACE WITH A LION ONCE AND CAN YOU BELIEVE I FOUND MYSELF ALONE AND WITHOUT A GUN WHAT DID YOU DO WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE FIRST I TRIED LOOKING STRIGHT IN HIS EYES BUT HE SL;OWLY BEGAN TO CREEP TOWARD ME I MOVED BACK BUT HE KEPT COMING I HAD TO DO SOME QUICK THINKING SO HOW DID YOU GET AWAY I JUST LEFT HIM AND PASSED ON TO THE NEXT CAGE

JOKES

1 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CAT AND A COMMA
ONE HAS THE PAWS BEFORE THE CLAUSE AND TH OTHER HAS THE CLAWS BEFORE THE PAUSE

2 WHY WAS THE CAT AFRAID OF THE TREE
HE DIDN'T LIKE ITS BARK

3 IF TEN CATS ARE OUT ON A BOAT AND ONE JUMP OFF HOW MANY ARE LEFT
NONE THEY'RE ALL COPYCATS

4 WHY WAS CAT SO SMALL
BECAUSE IT ONLY ATE CONDENSED MILK

5 A FAMOUS ART COLLECTOR WAS STROOLING THROUGH THE CITY WHEN HE NOTICED A MANGY CAT DRINKING MILK FROM A SAUCER IN THE DOORWAY OF A STORE HE DID A DOUBLE TAKE AS HE OBSERVED THAT THE SAUCER WAS QUITE RARE AND VERY VALUABLE HE WALKED CASUALLY INTO THE STORE AND OFFERED TO BUY THE CAT TWO DOLLARS THE STORE OWNER I'M SORRY BUT THE CAT IS NOT FOR SALE THE COLLECTOR PERSISTED SAYING PLEASE I NEED A HUNGRY CAT AROUND THE HOUSE TO CATCH MICE I'LL PAY YOU TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS FOR THE CAT THE OWNER SAID SOLD AND HANDED OVER THE CAT THE COLLECTOR CONTINUED FOR THE TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS COULD YOU THROW IN THE SAUCER TOO I'M SURE THE CAT IS USED TO IT AND I WON'T HAVE TO PURCHASED A DISH FOR HER THE OWNER REPLIED SORRY PAL BUT THAT IS MY LUCKY SAUCER SO FAR THIS WEEK I'VE SOLD FIFTY NINE CATS

JOKES

1 WHAT IS THE CAT'S FAVORITE KIND OF COMPUTER
A LAPTOP

2 WHAT DO YOU CALL A N OVERWEIGHT CAT
A FLABBY TABBY

3 WHEN CARL WENT AWAY ON VACATION HIS BROTHER BEN PROMISED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS CAT THE NEXT DAY CARL CALLED BEN TO SEE HOW HIS ANIMAL IS DOING YOUR CAT IS DEAD SAID BEN MATTER OF FACTLY DEAD SAID THE STUNNED CARL WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME LIKE THAT HOW SHOULD I HAVE TOLD YOU ASKED BEN WELL SAID CARL THE FIRST TIME I CALLED YOU COULD HAVE BROKEN IT TO ME GENTLY YOU COULD HAVE SAID MY CAT WAS ON THE ROOF BUT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT WAS GETTING HER DOWN THE SECOND TIME I CALLED YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THE CAT FELL OUT OF THE FIREMAN'S ARMS AND BROKE ITS NECK THE THIRD TIME I CALLED YOU COULD HAVE SAID THAT THE VET HAS DID EVERYTHING HE COULD BUT FLUFFY STILL PASSED AWAY THAT WAY IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO HARD ON ME I'M SORRY SAID BEN THAT'S ALL RIGHT BY THE WAY HOW'S MOTHER SHE'S UP ON THE ROOF BUT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS GETTING HER DOWN

4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CAT THAT GETS THROWN IN THE DRYER AND IS NEVER FOUND AGAIN
SOCJKS

5 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN Y OU PUT A KITTEN IN A XEROX MACHINE A COPYCAT

6 WHAT DO CATS DRINK ON HOT SUMMER AFTERNOONS
MICE TEA

7 WHY DID THE CAT FAMILY MOVE NEXT DOOR TO THE MOUSE FAMILY
SO THEY COULD HAVE THE NEIGHBORS OVER FOR DINNER

8 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CAT THAT SINGS LIKE PAVORITI
A MEWISCAL

JOKES

1. WHY WAS THE CEN TIPEDE DROPPED FROM THE INSECT FOOTBALL TEAM
HE TOOK TO LONG TO PUT HIS BOOTS ON

2 WHAT IS GREEN AND CAN JUMP A MILE A MINUTE
A GRASSHOPPER WITH HICCUPS

3 WHY DIDN'T THE FLY GO NEAR THE COMPUTER
BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET CAUGHT IN THE WEB

4 THE FURIOUS CUSTOMER CALL THE WAITRESS OVER TO HIS TABLE AND DEMANDED TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN HIS SOUP SHE LOOKED AND SHYLY SAID I'LL HAVE TO CALL THE BOSS I DON'T KNOW ONE INSECT FROM ANOTHER

5 WHAT DO YOU CALL A NERVOUS INSECT
JITTERBUG

6 TWO CATTERPILLARS WERE CRAWLING ALONG A TWIG WHEN A BUTTERFLY FLEW BY YOU KNOW SAID ONE CATTERPILLAR TO THE OTHER YOU WOULD NEVER CATCH ME UP IN ONE OF THOSE THINGS

7 WHAT GOES SNAP CRACKLE POP
A FIREFLY WITH A SHORT CIRCUIT

8 WHY DID THE MAN THROW OUT HIS BUTTERED TOAST
TO WATCH THE BUTTER FLY

9 A CRICKET WALKED INTO A LONDON SPORTING GOODS STORE HEY SAID THE CLERK SHOCKED TO SEE AN INSECT WITH AN INTEREST IN SPORTS WE HAVE A GAME NAMED AFTER YOU REALLY SAID THE CRICKET YOU HAVE A GAME CALLED CHARLES

10 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAT THAT SWALLOWED A BALL OF WOOL
IT HAD MITTENS

JOKES

1 RON WENT INTO A DRUGSTORE AND PURCHASED A BOX OF MOTHBALLS THE NEXT DAY HE RETURNED AND BOUGHT A SECOND BOX WHEN HE CAME BACK THE THIRD DAY THE CLERK WAS QUITE CURIOUS AND HE COMMENTED YOU SURE MUST HAVE LOTS OF MOTHS IN YOUR HOUSE YES I DO ADMITTED RON AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE I'VE BEEN THROWING THESE BALLS AT THEM FOR TWO DAYS AN I HAVEN'T BENN ABLE TO HIT A SINGLE ONE

2 ARE CATERPILLARS GOOD TO EAT ASKED A LITTLE BOY AT THE DINNER TABLE NO SAID HIS FATHER WHY WOULD YOU ASKED A QUESTION LIKE THAT WELL THEERE WAS ONE IN YOUR SALAD BUT IT'S GONE NOW

3 CUSTOMER WAITER THERE'S A FLY IN MY SOUP WAITER YOU'RE MISTAKEN SIR THAT';S THE BUTTERFLY

4 WHY DID THE FLY FLY
BECAUSE THE SPIDER SPIED HER

5 WHAT IS THE INSECT'S FAVORITE GAME
CRICKET

JOKES

1. TWO ROBBINSW WERE SITTING IN A TREE I'M REALLY HUNGRY SAID THE FIRST ONE ME TOO SAID THE SECOND LET'S FLY DOWN AND FIND SOME LUNCH THEY FLEW TO THE GROUND AND FOUND A NICE PLOT OF PLOWED GROUND FULL OF WORMS THEY ATE AND ATE UNTIL THEY COULDN'T EAT ANY MORE I'M SO FULL I DON'T THINK I COULD FLY BACK UP TO THE TREE SAID THE FIRST ONE ME EITHER LET'S JUST LIE HERE AND BASK IN THE WARM SUN SAID THE SECOND OKAY SAID THE FIRST THEY PLOPPED DOWN BASKING IN THE SUN NO SOONER HAD THEY FALLEN ASLEEP THEN A BIG FAT TOMCAT SNUCK UP AND GOBBLED THEM UP AS HE SAT LICKING HIS PAWS AFTER HIS MEAL HE THOUGH I LOVE BASKIN' ROBINS

2 A LITTLE HATCHING FELL OUT OF ITS NEST AND WENT CRASHING THROUGH THE BRANCHES OF THE ELM TREE TOWARD THE GROUND ARE YOU ALRIGHT CALLED A ROBIN AS THE CHICK WENT HURTLING PAST ITS PERCH SO FAR SAID THE LITTLE BIRD

3 HOW DID THE EXHAUSTED SPARROW LAND SAFELY
BY SPARRPWCHUTE

4 WHAT DO DUCKS LIKE ON TELEVISON
DUCKUMENTARIES

5 WHAT IS THE MOST COMMON ILLNESS IN BIRDS
FLU

6 WHAT BIRDS SPEND ALL THEIR TIME ON THEIR KNEES
BIRDS OF PREY

7 WHERE DO BIRDS INVEST THEIR MONEY
IN THE STORK MARKET

8 DID YOU HEAR THE STORY ABOUT THE PEACOCK THAT CROSS THE ROAD
IT IS A COLOURFUL TAIL

9 WHY DID THE FIREFLY DO WELL ON THE TEST
BECAUSE IT WAS VERY BRIGHT

10 TEACHER IF THEIR ARE A DOZEN FLIES ON THE TABLE AND YOU SWAT ONE HOW MANY ARE LEFT STUDENT UH JUST THE DEAD ONE

jokes

1 WHY WOULDN'T THE DUCK GO TO THE DUCK DOCTOR
BECAUSE HE WAS A QUACK

2 WHY DO BIRDS FLY SOUTH FOR THE WINTER
BECAUSE IT'S TOO FAR TOO WALK

3 HOW MANY PENGUINS DOES IT TAKE TO FLY AN AIRPLANE
NONE PENGUINS CAN'T FLY

4 WHICH BIRD IS ALWAYS OUT OF BREATH
A PUFFIN

5 WHAT DO YOU CALL A PENGUIN IN THE DESERT
LOST

6 WHAT KIND OF BIRD DOES CONSTRUCTION WORK
THE CRANE

7 FRED SOMEONE SAID YOU LOOK LIKE A OWL MEG WHO FRED YOU SOUND LIKE ONE TOO

8 WHAT DO YOU CALL A SEAGULL WHEN IT FLIES OVER THE BAY
A BAGEL

9 THE MANAGER OF A LARGE CITY ZOO WAS COMPOSING A LETTER TO ORDER A PAIR OF ANIMALS HE SAT AT HIS COMPUTER AND TYPED I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER TWO MONOGOOSES TO BE DELIEVERED AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVIENCE HE STARED AT THE SCREEN FOCUSING ON THE ODD LOOKING WORD MONGOOSES THEN HE DELETED THE WORD AND ADDEND ANOTHER SO THAT THE SENTENCE NOW READ I WOULD LIKE TO PLACE A ORDER FOR TWO MONGEESE TO BE DELIEVERED AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE ONCE MORE HE STARED AT THE SCREEN THIS TIME ANALYZING THE NEW WORD WHICH SEEMED JUST AS STRANGE AS THE ORIGINAL ONE FINALLY HE DELETED THE WHOLE SENTENCE AND STARTED ALL OVER EVERYONE KNOWS NO ZOO SHOULD BE WITHOUT A MONGOOSE HE TYPED PLEASED SEND TWO OF THEM

10 WHAT DOES A EDUCATED OWL SAY
WHOM

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