Tuesday, December 22, 2009
JOKES
A DUCK WADDLED INTO A COUNTRY GROCERY STORE AND ASKED THE CLERK DO YOU SELL DUCK FOOD HERE OF COURSE NOT REPLIED THE CLERK WE SELL GROCERIES TO PEOPLE NOT DUCKS THE NEXT DAY THE DUCK RETURN AND ASKED THE CLERK DO YOU SELL DUCK FOOD ANNOYED THE CLERK SNAPPED NO NO DUCK FOOD WHEN THE DUCK RETURNED THE NEXT DAY AND POSED THE SAME QUESTION THE CLERK TOLD HIM
JOKES
1. A YOUNG MAGICIAN STARTED TO WORK ON A CRUISE SHIP WITH HIS PET PARROT THE PARRROT WOULD ALWAYS STEAL HIS ACT BY SAYING THINGS LIKE THE CARD WAS UP HIS SLEEVE OR THE DOVE WAS IN HIS POCKET ONE DAY THE SHIP SANK AND THE MAGICIAN AND THE PARROT FOUND THEMSELVES ADRIFT ALONE ON A LIFEBOAT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS THEY JUST SAT THERE LOOKING AT THE EACH OTHER FINALLY THE PARROT BROKE THE SILENCE AND SAID OKAY I GIVE UP WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE SHIP
2 WHAT IS A OWL'S FAVORITE MYSTERY
A WHOO DUNIT
3 HOW TO BABY BIRDS LEARN TO FLY
THEY WING IT
4 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT FIVE DUCKS IN A BOX
A BOX OF QUAKERS
5 WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE THROWS A GOOSE AT YOU
DUCK
6 WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE THROW A DUCK AT A DUCK
DUCK DUCK
7 WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE THROWS A GOOSE AT A DUCK
DUCK DUCK GOOSE
8 SHOW ME AN OWL WITH LARYNGITIS ANBD I'LL GIVE YOU A BIRD THAT DOSEN'T GIVE A HOOT
9 WHY DID THE STORK STAND ON ONE LEG
BECAUSE IF HE LIFTED THE OTHER LEG HE'D FALL
10 TWO VULTRES WERE IN THE DESERT EATING A DEAD CLOWN THE FIRST THINK ASKS THE SECOND VULTURE DOES THIS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU
2 WHAT IS A OWL'S FAVORITE MYSTERY
A WHOO DUNIT
3 HOW TO BABY BIRDS LEARN TO FLY
THEY WING IT
4 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT FIVE DUCKS IN A BOX
A BOX OF QUAKERS
5 WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE THROWS A GOOSE AT YOU
DUCK
6 WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE THROW A DUCK AT A DUCK
DUCK DUCK
7 WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE THROWS A GOOSE AT A DUCK
DUCK DUCK GOOSE
8 SHOW ME AN OWL WITH LARYNGITIS ANBD I'LL GIVE YOU A BIRD THAT DOSEN'T GIVE A HOOT
9 WHY DID THE STORK STAND ON ONE LEG
BECAUSE IF HE LIFTED THE OTHER LEG HE'D FALL
10 TWO VULTRES WERE IN THE DESERT EATING A DEAD CLOWN THE FIRST THINK ASKS THE SECOND VULTURE DOES THIS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU
JOKES
1. DAVID GOT A PARROT FOR HIS BIRHTDAY THIS PARROT WAS FULLY GROWN WITH A BAD ATTITUDE AND A DREADFUL VOCABULARY EVERY OTHER WORD WAS NAUGHTY OR RUDE DAVID TRIED VERY HARD TO CHANGE THE BIRD'S MANNERS DAVID WOULD ALWAYS SAY POLITE WORDS PLAY SOFT MUSIC ANYTHING HE COULD POSSIBLY THINK OF TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE HE YELLED AT THE BIRD AND THE BIRD GIOT WORSE HE SHOOK THE BIRD AND THE BIRD GOT ANGTRIER AND MORE RUDE ONE DAY DAVID FELT SO DESPERATE THAT HE PICKED THE BIRD UP AND PUT IN THE FREEZER FOR A FEW MINUTES HE HEARD THE BIRD SQUAKING AND FLAPPING THEN SUDDENLY EVERYTHING WAS QUIET DAVI WAS WORRIED THAT HE MIGHT HAVE HURT THE BIRD AND QUICKLY OPEN THE FREEZER DOOR THE PARROT CALMY6 STEPPED OUT ONTO DAVID'S ARM AND SAID I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVE OFFENDED YOU WITH MY LANGUAGE AND ACTIONS AND I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS I WILL TRY TO CORRECT MY BEHAVIOR DAVID WAS AMAZED AT THE GREAT CHANGE IN THE BIRD AND WAS ABOUT TO ASK WHAT HAD CAUSED IT WHEN THE PARROT CONTINUED MAY I ASK WHAT THE CHCKEN DID
2 A LADY WENT TO A PET SHOP I WOULD LIKE TO BUY TWO YELLOW CANARIES SHE TOLD THE OWNER I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE ANY CANARIES BUT WE HAVE THESE THE OWNER SAID AS HE SHOWED THE LADY SOME PALE GREEN PARAKEETS THAT ISN'T WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR THE LADY STATED BUT THE PERSISTENT PET STORE OWNER REFUSED TO GIVVE UP HE SAID JUST THINK OF THEM AS YELLOW CANARIES THAT AREN'T QUITE RIPE YET
3 A PASTOR AND A DEACON VISITED A HOUSE TO CALL ON A PARISHONIER THEY KNOCKED AND A SMALL VOICE SAID COME IN THEY WENT IN BUT ALTHOUGH THEY FOUND NO ONE THERE THEY DID FIND TWO BIG DOBERMAN DOGS POISED TO ATTACK THEM THEY SAID HELLO IS ANYONE HERE AND THE VOICE OF THE LITTLE OLD LADY SAID COME IN IT SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS COMING FORM THE KITCHEN SO THEY WENT SO THEY WENT IN THAT DIRECTION THEY CAMED UPON A PARROT WHICH WAS REPEATEDLY SAYING COME IN COME COME IN THE PASTOR SAID YOU SILL OLD PARROT IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY WITH THE SAME SMALL VOICE THE PARROT SAID SIC THEM
4 N AFFLUENT MAN PAID TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A EXOCTIC BIRD FOR HIS MOTHER HOW DID YOU LIKE THE BIRD SHE RESPONDED IT WAS DELICOUS
5 A LADY WAS WALKING PAST A PET STORE WHEN A PARROT SAID HEY LADY YOU'RE REALLY UGLY THE LADY WAS ANGRY BUT CONTINUED ON HER WAY ON THE WAY HOME SHE PASSED BY THE PET STORE AND THE PARROT ONCE MORE SAID HEY LAD YO'RE REALLY UGLY SHE WAS ENRAGED NOW SO SHE WENT INTO THE PET STORE AND SAID THAT SHE WANTED THAT BIRD DISPOSED OF THE STORE MANAGER APOLIGEZED PROFUSELY AND PROMISED HE WOULD MAKE THE SURE THE PARROT DID'N'T SAY IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY SHE DELIBERATELY PASSED BY THE PET STORE TO TEST THE PARROT HEY LADY IT YES YOU KNOW
6 MRS PETERSON PHONED THE REPAIRMAN BECAUSE HER DISHWASHER STOPPED WORKING HE COULDN'T ACCOMODATE HER WITH WITH AN AFTER HOURS APPOINTMENT AND SINCE SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK SHE TOLD HIM I'LL LEAVE THE KEY UNDER THE DOORMAT PLEAE REPAIR THE DISHWATER LEAVE THE BILL ON THE COUNTER AND I WILL MAIL THE YOU A CHECK BY THE WAY I HAVE A LARGE ROTWEILER NAME KILLER HE WON'T BOTHER YOU I ALSO HAVE A PARROT AND WHATEVER YOU DO MAKE CERTAIN YOU DO NOT TALK TO THE BIRD WELL SURE ENOUGH THE DOG KILLER TOTALLY IGNORED THE REPAIRMAN BUT THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS THERE THE PARROT YELLED AND SCREAMED ABOUT DRIVING CRAZY AS HE WAS READY TO LEAVE HE JUST COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF HE LOOKED AT THE BIRD AND SAID YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME ALL MORNING BE QUIET TO WHICH THE BIRD REPLIED KILLER GET HIM
7 LADY WA EXPECTING THE PLUMBER HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME AT TENO CLOCK TEN O CLOCK CAME AND WENT NO PLUMBER ELVEN O CLOCK TWELVE O CLOCK ONE O CLOCK NO PLUMBER SHE CONCLUDED HE WASN'T COMING AND WENT OUT TO DO SOME ERRANDS WHILE SHE WAS GONE THE PLUMBER ARRIVED HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR THE WOMA'N'S PARROT ASKED WHO IS IT HE REPLIED ITS THE PLUMBER HE STOOD WAITING FOR THE LADY TO LET HIM IN WHEN SHE DIDN'T HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER HE WAITED AND AGAIN THE LADY DIDN'T COME TO LET HIM IN HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO I IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER AGAIN HE WAITED SHE DIDN'T COME AGAIN HE KNOCKED AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT AARRRGGGHHHE HE SAID IN FRUSTRAITON HE BANGED AGAINST THE DOOR WHICH CAUSED HIM TO PASS OUT AND FALL IN THE DOORWAY THE LADY CAME HOME FROM HER ERRAND ONLY TO SEE A MAN LYING AT THE DOOR WHO IS IT SHE WONDERED AT LOUD THE PARROT SAID ITS THE PLUMBER
8 ONE DAY A MAN WENT TO AN AUCTION WHILE THERE HE DECIDED TO BID ON A PARROT HE REALLY WANTED THIS BIRD AND HE CAUGHT UP IN THE BIDDING HE KEPT INCREASING THE BID BUT KEPT GETTING OUT BID SO HE BID HIGHER AND HIGHER FINALLY AFTER HE BID MUCH HIGHER THAN HE INTENDED HE WON THE BID AND THE BIRD WAS HIS AT LAST AS HE WAS PAYING FOR THE PARROT HE SAID TO THE AUCTIONEER I CERTAINLY HPE THIS PARROT CAN TALK I WOULD BE DEVASTATED TO HAVE PAID THIS MUCH FOR IT ONLY TO FIND OUT HAT HE ISN'T ABLE TO TALK OH HE CAN FOR SURE SAID THE AUCTINEER WHO DO YOU THNINK KEPT BIDDING AGAINST YOU
9 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN A CANARY GETS CAUGHT IN A LAWNMOWER
SHREDDED TWEET
10 ON REACHING HIS PLANE SEAT A MAN IS TAKEN ABACK TO SEE A PARROT STRAPPED IN THE SEAT NEXT TO HIS HE ASKED THE STWARDESS FOR A COFFE WHERE UPON THE PARROT SQUAKS AND GET ME A CHOCOLATE MILK NOW THE STEWARDESS FLUSTERED BRINGS BACK A CHOCOLATE MILK FOR THE PARROT AND FORGETS ALL ABOUT THE COFFE THE MAN REMINDS HER OF THE COFFEE WHILE THE PARROT EMPTIES ITS GLASS AND SQUAWKS AND AND GET ME ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK YOU SLOWPOKE QUITE UPSET THE THE POOR GIRL COMES BACK SHAKING WITH ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK BUT STILL NO COFFE UNACCUSTOMED TO SUCH POOR SERVICE THE MAN TRIES THE PARROT APPROACH I'VE ASKED YOU TWICE FOR A COFFEE GO AND GET IT NOW OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU LOOSE YOUR JOB IN AN INSTANT BOTH HE AND THE PARROT HAVE BEEN PICKED UP AND THROWN OUT OF THE EMERGENCY EXIT BY TWO STRONG STEWARDS AS THY PLUNGE DOWNWARD THE PARROT TURNS TO THE MAN AND SAYS FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN'T FLY YOU'VE SURE GOT AN ATTITUDE
2 A LADY WENT TO A PET SHOP I WOULD LIKE TO BUY TWO YELLOW CANARIES SHE TOLD THE OWNER I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE ANY CANARIES BUT WE HAVE THESE THE OWNER SAID AS HE SHOWED THE LADY SOME PALE GREEN PARAKEETS THAT ISN'T WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR THE LADY STATED BUT THE PERSISTENT PET STORE OWNER REFUSED TO GIVVE UP HE SAID JUST THINK OF THEM AS YELLOW CANARIES THAT AREN'T QUITE RIPE YET
3 A PASTOR AND A DEACON VISITED A HOUSE TO CALL ON A PARISHONIER THEY KNOCKED AND A SMALL VOICE SAID COME IN THEY WENT IN BUT ALTHOUGH THEY FOUND NO ONE THERE THEY DID FIND TWO BIG DOBERMAN DOGS POISED TO ATTACK THEM THEY SAID HELLO IS ANYONE HERE AND THE VOICE OF THE LITTLE OLD LADY SAID COME IN IT SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS COMING FORM THE KITCHEN SO THEY WENT SO THEY WENT IN THAT DIRECTION THEY CAMED UPON A PARROT WHICH WAS REPEATEDLY SAYING COME IN COME COME IN THE PASTOR SAID YOU SILL OLD PARROT IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY WITH THE SAME SMALL VOICE THE PARROT SAID SIC THEM
4 N AFFLUENT MAN PAID TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A EXOCTIC BIRD FOR HIS MOTHER HOW DID YOU LIKE THE BIRD SHE RESPONDED IT WAS DELICOUS
5 A LADY WAS WALKING PAST A PET STORE WHEN A PARROT SAID HEY LADY YOU'RE REALLY UGLY THE LADY WAS ANGRY BUT CONTINUED ON HER WAY ON THE WAY HOME SHE PASSED BY THE PET STORE AND THE PARROT ONCE MORE SAID HEY LAD YO'RE REALLY UGLY SHE WAS ENRAGED NOW SO SHE WENT INTO THE PET STORE AND SAID THAT SHE WANTED THAT BIRD DISPOSED OF THE STORE MANAGER APOLIGEZED PROFUSELY AND PROMISED HE WOULD MAKE THE SURE THE PARROT DID'N'T SAY IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY SHE DELIBERATELY PASSED BY THE PET STORE TO TEST THE PARROT HEY LADY IT YES YOU KNOW
6 MRS PETERSON PHONED THE REPAIRMAN BECAUSE HER DISHWASHER STOPPED WORKING HE COULDN'T ACCOMODATE HER WITH WITH AN AFTER HOURS APPOINTMENT AND SINCE SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK SHE TOLD HIM I'LL LEAVE THE KEY UNDER THE DOORMAT PLEAE REPAIR THE DISHWATER LEAVE THE BILL ON THE COUNTER AND I WILL MAIL THE YOU A CHECK BY THE WAY I HAVE A LARGE ROTWEILER NAME KILLER HE WON'T BOTHER YOU I ALSO HAVE A PARROT AND WHATEVER YOU DO MAKE CERTAIN YOU DO NOT TALK TO THE BIRD WELL SURE ENOUGH THE DOG KILLER TOTALLY IGNORED THE REPAIRMAN BUT THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS THERE THE PARROT YELLED AND SCREAMED ABOUT DRIVING CRAZY AS HE WAS READY TO LEAVE HE JUST COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF HE LOOKED AT THE BIRD AND SAID YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME ALL MORNING BE QUIET TO WHICH THE BIRD REPLIED KILLER GET HIM
7 LADY WA EXPECTING THE PLUMBER HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME AT TENO CLOCK TEN O CLOCK CAME AND WENT NO PLUMBER ELVEN O CLOCK TWELVE O CLOCK ONE O CLOCK NO PLUMBER SHE CONCLUDED HE WASN'T COMING AND WENT OUT TO DO SOME ERRANDS WHILE SHE WAS GONE THE PLUMBER ARRIVED HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR THE WOMA'N'S PARROT ASKED WHO IS IT HE REPLIED ITS THE PLUMBER HE STOOD WAITING FOR THE LADY TO LET HIM IN WHEN SHE DIDN'T HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER HE WAITED AND AGAIN THE LADY DIDN'T COME TO LET HIM IN HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO I IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER AGAIN HE WAITED SHE DIDN'T COME AGAIN HE KNOCKED AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT AARRRGGGHHHE HE SAID IN FRUSTRAITON HE BANGED AGAINST THE DOOR WHICH CAUSED HIM TO PASS OUT AND FALL IN THE DOORWAY THE LADY CAME HOME FROM HER ERRAND ONLY TO SEE A MAN LYING AT THE DOOR WHO IS IT SHE WONDERED AT LOUD THE PARROT SAID ITS THE PLUMBER
8 ONE DAY A MAN WENT TO AN AUCTION WHILE THERE HE DECIDED TO BID ON A PARROT HE REALLY WANTED THIS BIRD AND HE CAUGHT UP IN THE BIDDING HE KEPT INCREASING THE BID BUT KEPT GETTING OUT BID SO HE BID HIGHER AND HIGHER FINALLY AFTER HE BID MUCH HIGHER THAN HE INTENDED HE WON THE BID AND THE BIRD WAS HIS AT LAST AS HE WAS PAYING FOR THE PARROT HE SAID TO THE AUCTIONEER I CERTAINLY HPE THIS PARROT CAN TALK I WOULD BE DEVASTATED TO HAVE PAID THIS MUCH FOR IT ONLY TO FIND OUT HAT HE ISN'T ABLE TO TALK OH HE CAN FOR SURE SAID THE AUCTINEER WHO DO YOU THNINK KEPT BIDDING AGAINST YOU
9 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN A CANARY GETS CAUGHT IN A LAWNMOWER
SHREDDED TWEET
10 ON REACHING HIS PLANE SEAT A MAN IS TAKEN ABACK TO SEE A PARROT STRAPPED IN THE SEAT NEXT TO HIS HE ASKED THE STWARDESS FOR A COFFE WHERE UPON THE PARROT SQUAKS AND GET ME A CHOCOLATE MILK NOW THE STEWARDESS FLUSTERED BRINGS BACK A CHOCOLATE MILK FOR THE PARROT AND FORGETS ALL ABOUT THE COFFE THE MAN REMINDS HER OF THE COFFEE WHILE THE PARROT EMPTIES ITS GLASS AND SQUAWKS AND AND GET ME ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK YOU SLOWPOKE QUITE UPSET THE THE POOR GIRL COMES BACK SHAKING WITH ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK BUT STILL NO COFFE UNACCUSTOMED TO SUCH POOR SERVICE THE MAN TRIES THE PARROT APPROACH I'VE ASKED YOU TWICE FOR A COFFEE GO AND GET IT NOW OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU LOOSE YOUR JOB IN AN INSTANT BOTH HE AND THE PARROT HAVE BEEN PICKED UP AND THROWN OUT OF THE EMERGENCY EXIT BY TWO STRONG STEWARDS AS THY PLUNGE DOWNWARD THE PARROT TURNS TO THE MAN AND SAYS FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN'T FLY YOU'VE SURE GOT AN ATTITUDE
Sunday, December 13, 2009
JOKES
1. A MAN BOUGHT A PARROT AND FOR TWENTY YEARS THE BIRD WAS SILENT NEVER UTTERING SUCH A WORD EVERY MORNING THE PARROT WOULD WAKE UP STAND PATIENTLY ON ITS PERCH AND WAIT FOR ITS OWNER TO COME AND FEED IT ONE MORNING THE MAN OVERSLEPT USING ITS BEAK THE PARROT PRIED THE CAGE DOOR OPEN FLEW OUT AND PERCHED ON THE MAN'S HEAD PECKING ITS OWNER'S NOSE THE PARROT SQUAK AND SAID EXCUSE ME BUT IT'S ALMOST NOON AND I'M FAMISHED THE MAN SAT UPRIGT POLLY YOU CAN TALK OF COURSE I CAN TALK SAID THE PARROT THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU SAID ANYTHING FOR TWENTY YEARS ASKED THE MAN BECAUSE UP UNTIL NOW REPLIED THE PARROT THE SERVICE HAS BEEN EXCELLENT
2 A LADY GOES INTO A PET STORE ONE DAY I'M QUITE LONELY SHE SAYS TO THE CLERK I NEED A PET TO KEEP ME COMPANY WELL REPLIES THE CLERK HOW ABOUT THIS NICE PARROT HE'LL TALK TO YOU THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED SAYS THE LADY SHE BUYS THE PARROT AND TAKES HIM HOME THE NEXT DAY THE LADY COMES BACK TO THE PET STORE THAT PARROT ISN'T TALKING TO ME YET SHE SAYS HMM LET'S SEE SAYS THE CLERK I KNOW YOU CAN BUY THIS LITTLE LADDER FOR HIS CAGE HE'LL CLIMB THE LADDER AND THEN HE'LL TAL TO YOU SO SHE HEADS HOME WITH A NEWLY PURCHASED LADDER THE NEXT DAY SHE COMES BACK AGAIN HEY THAT PARROT STILL HASN'T SAID A WORD SHE SAYS TO THE PET STORE CLERK HE THINKS A MINUTE HOW ABOUT THIS LITTLE MIRROR YOU HANG IT AT THE TOP OF THE LADDER THE PARROT WILL CLIMB THE LADDER LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND THEN HE'LL TALK TO YOU OKAY SHE SAYS AND BUYS THE MIRROR BUT THE NEXT DAY THE LADY IS BACK IN THE SHOP I MUST ADMIT I'M GETTING A BIT DISCOURGAGED SHE SAYS THAT PARROT STILL WON'T TALK TO ME THE CLERK SCRATCHES HIS HEAD LET ME THINK HERE TRY THIS BELL YOU HANG OVER THE MIRROR THE PARROT WILL CLIMB THE LADDER LOOK IN THE MIRROR RING THE BELL AND THEN HE WILL SURELY TALK TO YOU ALRIGHT I'LL GIVE IT A TRY SAYS THE LADY AND SHE BUYS THE BELL AND TAKES IT HOME THE NEXT DAY THE SAME LADY COMES BACK TO THE PET SHOP AND SHE IS VERY DISTRESSED WHAT'S WRONG ASKS THE CLERK MY PARROT WELL HE DIED SHE ANSWER SADLY OH NO I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS SAID THE CLERK BUT I MUST ASK YOU DID THE PARROT EVER SAY ANYTHING TO YOU OH YES HE DID SAY ONE THING RIGHT BEFORE HE DIED SHE REPLIES WELL WHAT DID HE SAY ASKS THE CLERK THE LADY REPLIES DOSEN'T THAT STORE CARRY ANY FOOD
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2 A LADY GOES INTO A PET STORE ONE DAY I'M QUITE LONELY SHE SAYS TO THE CLERK I NEED A PET TO KEEP ME COMPANY WELL REPLIES THE CLERK HOW ABOUT THIS NICE PARROT HE'LL TALK TO YOU THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED SAYS THE LADY SHE BUYS THE PARROT AND TAKES HIM HOME THE NEXT DAY THE LADY COMES BACK TO THE PET STORE THAT PARROT ISN'T TALKING TO ME YET SHE SAYS HMM LET'S SEE SAYS THE CLERK I KNOW YOU CAN BUY THIS LITTLE LADDER FOR HIS CAGE HE'LL CLIMB THE LADDER AND THEN HE'LL TAL TO YOU SO SHE HEADS HOME WITH A NEWLY PURCHASED LADDER THE NEXT DAY SHE COMES BACK AGAIN HEY THAT PARROT STILL HASN'T SAID A WORD SHE SAYS TO THE PET STORE CLERK HE THINKS A MINUTE HOW ABOUT THIS LITTLE MIRROR YOU HANG IT AT THE TOP OF THE LADDER THE PARROT WILL CLIMB THE LADDER LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND THEN HE'LL TALK TO YOU OKAY SHE SAYS AND BUYS THE MIRROR BUT THE NEXT DAY THE LADY IS BACK IN THE SHOP I MUST ADMIT I'M GETTING A BIT DISCOURGAGED SHE SAYS THAT PARROT STILL WON'T TALK TO ME THE CLERK SCRATCHES HIS HEAD LET ME THINK HERE TRY THIS BELL YOU HANG OVER THE MIRROR THE PARROT WILL CLIMB THE LADDER LOOK IN THE MIRROR RING THE BELL AND THEN HE WILL SURELY TALK TO YOU ALRIGHT I'LL GIVE IT A TRY SAYS THE LADY AND SHE BUYS THE BELL AND TAKES IT HOME THE NEXT DAY THE SAME LADY COMES BACK TO THE PET SHOP AND SHE IS VERY DISTRESSED WHAT'S WRONG ASKS THE CLERK MY PARROT WELL HE DIED SHE ANSWER SADLY OH NO I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS SAID THE CLERK BUT I MUST ASK YOU DID THE PARROT EVER SAY ANYTHING TO YOU OH YES HE DID SAY ONE THING RIGHT BEFORE HE DIED SHE REPLIES WELL WHAT DID HE SAY ASKS THE CLERK THE LADY REPLIES DOSEN'T THAT STORE CARRY ANY FOOD
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Saturday, December 12, 2009
JOKES
1. WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A GRIZZLY BEAR AND A HARP
A BEAR FACED LYRE
2 TWO CAMPERS ARE HIKING IN THE WOODS WHEN SUDDENLY A BEAR STARTS CHASING THEM BOTH CAMPERS START RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES WHEN ONE OF THEM STOPS AND STARTS TO PUT ON HIS RUNNING SHOES HIS BUDDY SAYS WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CAN OUT RUN A BEAR HIS FRIEND REPLIES I DON'T HAVE TO OUTTRUN THE BEAR I ONLY HAVE TO OUT RUN YOU
3 WHAT KIND OF BEE IS ALWAYS DROPPING THE FOOTBALL
A FUMBLE BEE
4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A BEE THAT HUMS VERY QUIETLY
A MUMBLEBEE
5 WHY DO BEES HUM
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS
6 WHAT IS ANOTHER NAME FOR A BUNCH OF BEES
A GOOD REPORT CARD
7 HOW DOES A BEE GET TO SCHOOL
IT TAKES THE BUZZ
8 WHAT DO BEE DO WITH HONEY THEY MAKE
CELL IT
9 WHAT GOES ZZUB ZZUB ZZUB
A BEE FLYING BACKWARDS
1o WHAT DO BEES DO IF THEY WANT TO USE PUBLIC TRANSPORT
THEY WAIT AT A BUZZ STOP
11 WHT DOES A BEE GET AT MCDONALDS
A HUMBUGER
12 WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A BEE WITH A DOORBELL
A HUM DINGER
13 GARY SHOW OFF HIS SINGING PARROT TO HIS FRIEND KEN IF YOU PULL HIS RIGHT LEG HE'LL SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAID GARY IF YO PULL HIS LEFT LEG HE'LL SING THE STARBANGLED BANNER WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU PULL BOTH LEGS KEN SAID SQUAK SAID THE PARROT I FALL OF THE PERCH
14 A WOMAN WENT TO THE PET SHOP TO BUY A PARROT WHEN SHE PICKED OUT A RARE BREED THE OWNER CONGRATULTED HER ON HER CHOICE IF YOU LIKE I COULD SEND YOU THE BILL AT THE END OF THE MONTH SAID THE PETSHOP OWNER NO THANKS SAID THE WOMAN I LIKE TO TAKE THE WHOLE BIRD TODAY
A BEAR FACED LYRE
2 TWO CAMPERS ARE HIKING IN THE WOODS WHEN SUDDENLY A BEAR STARTS CHASING THEM BOTH CAMPERS START RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES WHEN ONE OF THEM STOPS AND STARTS TO PUT ON HIS RUNNING SHOES HIS BUDDY SAYS WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CAN OUT RUN A BEAR HIS FRIEND REPLIES I DON'T HAVE TO OUTTRUN THE BEAR I ONLY HAVE TO OUT RUN YOU
3 WHAT KIND OF BEE IS ALWAYS DROPPING THE FOOTBALL
A FUMBLE BEE
4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A BEE THAT HUMS VERY QUIETLY
A MUMBLEBEE
5 WHY DO BEES HUM
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS
6 WHAT IS ANOTHER NAME FOR A BUNCH OF BEES
A GOOD REPORT CARD
7 HOW DOES A BEE GET TO SCHOOL
IT TAKES THE BUZZ
8 WHAT DO BEE DO WITH HONEY THEY MAKE
CELL IT
9 WHAT GOES ZZUB ZZUB ZZUB
A BEE FLYING BACKWARDS
1o WHAT DO BEES DO IF THEY WANT TO USE PUBLIC TRANSPORT
THEY WAIT AT A BUZZ STOP
11 WHT DOES A BEE GET AT MCDONALDS
A HUMBUGER
12 WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A BEE WITH A DOORBELL
A HUM DINGER
13 GARY SHOW OFF HIS SINGING PARROT TO HIS FRIEND KEN IF YOU PULL HIS RIGHT LEG HE'LL SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAID GARY IF YO PULL HIS LEFT LEG HE'LL SING THE STARBANGLED BANNER WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU PULL BOTH LEGS KEN SAID SQUAK SAID THE PARROT I FALL OF THE PERCH
14 A WOMAN WENT TO THE PET SHOP TO BUY A PARROT WHEN SHE PICKED OUT A RARE BREED THE OWNER CONGRATULTED HER ON HER CHOICE IF YOU LIKE I COULD SEND YOU THE BILL AT THE END OF THE MONTH SAID THE PETSHOP OWNER NO THANKS SAID THE WOMAN I LIKE TO TAKE THE WHOLE BIRD TODAY
Saturday, November 21, 2009
jokes
1 two easterners were hunting in the rocky mountain wilderness when a huge grizly bear sprang onto their path reared up and roared one hunter was terrified the other kept his presence of mind and calmly instructed don't move a muscle just stand like a statue and the bear will go away hhow do you know i read it in a book in the lewis and clark expedition they both stood motionless the bear didn't go away but instead drew closer and roared moore furiously iii think the bear mut've read the samebook stammered the scared hunter.
2 where do polar bears vote
the north poll
3 what do paddington bear and winne the pooh pack for their holidays
the bear essentails
4 its a sunny morning in the big forest and the bear family is just waking up baby bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table he looks into his small bowl its empty who's been eating my poridige he squeaks daddy bear comes to the table and sits in his big chair iits also empty who's been eating my poridge he roars mommy bear calls from the kitchen how many times do we have to go through this it was mommy bear who got up first it was mommy bear who woke everbody up it was mommy bear who unloaded the dishwater it was mommy bear who went out to get the newspaper it was momy bear who set the table it mommy bear who put the cat out cleaned the litter box and filled the cat;s water and food dish and now that you've finally decided to come downstairs and start your day listen well because i'm only going to say this one time i haven't had time to make poridge yet
2 where do polar bears vote
the north poll
3 what do paddington bear and winne the pooh pack for their holidays
the bear essentails
4 its a sunny morning in the big forest and the bear family is just waking up baby bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table he looks into his small bowl its empty who's been eating my poridige he squeaks daddy bear comes to the table and sits in his big chair iits also empty who's been eating my poridge he roars mommy bear calls from the kitchen how many times do we have to go through this it was mommy bear who got up first it was mommy bear who woke everbody up it was mommy bear who unloaded the dishwater it was mommy bear who went out to get the newspaper it was momy bear who set the table it mommy bear who put the cat out cleaned the litter box and filled the cat;s water and food dish and now that you've finally decided to come downstairs and start your day listen well because i'm only going to say this one time i haven't had time to make poridge yet
Monday, November 16, 2009
more jokes
1. where do polar bears like to vacation
brrrr muda
2 what time is it when five grizzly bears are chasing you
five after one
3 what do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth
a gummy bear
4 how do bears walk around
with bear feet
5 bob i thought you were going bear hunting bill i was but i only made as far as the highway bob what happen well bill i saw a road sign that said bear left so i came home
6 hunter 1 look here some bear tracks hunter 2 great i'll go sw where he came from and you go see where he went
7 what a bear's favorite drink
koka kola
8 two men went out to hunt bear on opening morning a light snow fell and one stay in the cabin while the other one went hunting he soon found a huge grizzly shot at it but merely wounded it the infuriated bear charged toward him he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could he ran fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with everystep just as he reached the open cabin door he tripped and fell too close behind him to stop the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin the man jumped up closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside you skin this one and i'll go get another one
9 what do you call a bear that whines
whiny the pooh
brrrr muda
2 what time is it when five grizzly bears are chasing you
five after one
3 what do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth
a gummy bear
4 how do bears walk around
with bear feet
5 bob i thought you were going bear hunting bill i was but i only made as far as the highway bob what happen well bill i saw a road sign that said bear left so i came home
6 hunter 1 look here some bear tracks hunter 2 great i'll go sw where he came from and you go see where he went
7 what a bear's favorite drink
koka kola
8 two men went out to hunt bear on opening morning a light snow fell and one stay in the cabin while the other one went hunting he soon found a huge grizzly shot at it but merely wounded it the infuriated bear charged toward him he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could he ran fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with everystep just as he reached the open cabin door he tripped and fell too close behind him to stop the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin the man jumped up closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside you skin this one and i'll go get another one
9 what do you call a bear that whines
whiny the pooh
Sunday, November 15, 2009
jokes
1. what do you call a sick alligator
an illigator
2 what do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower
i don't know but i'm not going to smell it
3 there once was a lazy alligator that roamed the banks of the river whenever a boat pass him those on board would be sure to keep their hands inside the vessel because it was known that he was always looking for a hand out
4 what do you get if you cross a snowman with an alligator
frost bite
5 once there was a millonaire who had a collection of alligators he kept them in the pool behind his mansion the millonaire also had a very beautiful daughter who was single one day he decided to throw a huge party and during the course of the party he announced ladies and gentlemen i have a propostion for every man here i will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool of alligators and emerged alive as soon as he finished there was a large splash there was one man in the pool swimming with all his might and screaming in fear the crowd cheered him on as he kept sprinting through the water finally he he jumped out on the other side with only a torn shirt and several minor injuries the milllonaire was awestruck he said sir that was amazing i didn't think it could be done but i must keep my end of the bargain do you want my daughter r the millions dollars the guy answer i don't want you money or your daugher i just want the person who pushed me into the water
6 where do ants go on vacation
frants
7 what do you call a 100 year old ant
an antique
8 teacher boys and girls there is a wonderful example in the life of the ant everydaya the ant goes work and works all day long every day the ant is busy and in the end what happens
john some one steps on him
9 what kind of ant is good at math
an accountant
10 a golfing duffer cringed when his drive landed in a anthill chosing a sand wedge he postioned himself and swung at the half burried ball sand and ants flew the ball hadn't moved again the novice braced and swung again the anthill was devasted but the bal lay unmoved among the panic ant stricken colony one ant yelled to his friend come on that big white ball seems to a pretty safle place
an illigator
2 what do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower
i don't know but i'm not going to smell it
3 there once was a lazy alligator that roamed the banks of the river whenever a boat pass him those on board would be sure to keep their hands inside the vessel because it was known that he was always looking for a hand out
4 what do you get if you cross a snowman with an alligator
frost bite
5 once there was a millonaire who had a collection of alligators he kept them in the pool behind his mansion the millonaire also had a very beautiful daughter who was single one day he decided to throw a huge party and during the course of the party he announced ladies and gentlemen i have a propostion for every man here i will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool of alligators and emerged alive as soon as he finished there was a large splash there was one man in the pool swimming with all his might and screaming in fear the crowd cheered him on as he kept sprinting through the water finally he he jumped out on the other side with only a torn shirt and several minor injuries the milllonaire was awestruck he said sir that was amazing i didn't think it could be done but i must keep my end of the bargain do you want my daughter r the millions dollars the guy answer i don't want you money or your daugher i just want the person who pushed me into the water
6 where do ants go on vacation
frants
7 what do you call a 100 year old ant
an antique
8 teacher boys and girls there is a wonderful example in the life of the ant everydaya the ant goes work and works all day long every day the ant is busy and in the end what happens
john some one steps on him
9 what kind of ant is good at math
an accountant
10 a golfing duffer cringed when his drive landed in a anthill chosing a sand wedge he postioned himself and swung at the half burried ball sand and ants flew the ball hadn't moved again the novice braced and swung again the anthill was devasted but the bal lay unmoved among the panic ant stricken colony one ant yelled to his friend come on that big white ball seems to a pretty safle place
Thursday, October 22, 2009
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
Friday, October 16, 2009
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
Thursday, October 15, 2009
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
My Quiz from QuizYourFriends.com
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