JOKES

1. DAVID GOT A PARROT FOR HIS BIRHTDAY THIS PARROT WAS FULLY GROWN WITH A BAD ATTITUDE AND A DREADFUL VOCABULARY EVERY OTHER WORD WAS NAUGHTY OR RUDE DAVID TRIED VERY HARD TO CHANGE THE BIRD'S MANNERS DAVID WOULD ALWAYS SAY POLITE WORDS PLAY SOFT MUSIC ANYTHING HE COULD POSSIBLY THINK OF TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE HE YELLED AT THE BIRD AND THE BIRD GIOT WORSE HE SHOOK THE BIRD AND THE BIRD GOT ANGTRIER AND MORE RUDE ONE DAY DAVID FELT SO DESPERATE THAT HE PICKED THE BIRD UP AND PUT IN THE FREEZER FOR A FEW MINUTES HE HEARD THE BIRD SQUAKING AND FLAPPING THEN SUDDENLY EVERYTHING WAS QUIET DAVI WAS WORRIED THAT HE MIGHT HAVE HURT THE BIRD AND QUICKLY OPEN THE FREEZER DOOR THE PARROT CALMY6 STEPPED OUT ONTO DAVID'S ARM AND SAID I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVE OFFENDED YOU WITH MY LANGUAGE AND ACTIONS AND I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS I WILL TRY TO CORRECT MY BEHAVIOR DAVID WAS AMAZED AT THE GREAT CHANGE IN THE BIRD AND WAS ABOUT TO ASK WHAT HAD CAUSED IT WHEN THE PARROT CONTINUED MAY I ASK WHAT THE CHCKEN DID

2 A LADY WENT TO A PET SHOP I WOULD LIKE TO BUY TWO YELLOW CANARIES SHE TOLD THE OWNER I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE ANY CANARIES BUT WE HAVE THESE THE OWNER SAID AS HE SHOWED THE LADY SOME PALE GREEN PARAKEETS THAT ISN'T WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR THE LADY STATED BUT THE PERSISTENT PET STORE OWNER REFUSED TO GIVVE UP HE SAID JUST THINK OF THEM AS YELLOW CANARIES THAT AREN'T QUITE RIPE YET

3 A PASTOR AND A DEACON VISITED A HOUSE TO CALL ON A PARISHONIER THEY KNOCKED AND A SMALL VOICE SAID COME IN THEY WENT IN BUT ALTHOUGH THEY FOUND NO ONE THERE THEY DID FIND TWO BIG DOBERMAN DOGS POISED TO ATTACK THEM THEY SAID HELLO IS ANYONE HERE AND THE VOICE OF THE LITTLE OLD LADY SAID COME IN IT SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS COMING FORM THE KITCHEN SO THEY WENT SO THEY WENT IN THAT DIRECTION THEY CAMED UPON A PARROT WHICH WAS REPEATEDLY SAYING COME IN COME COME IN THE PASTOR SAID YOU SILL OLD PARROT IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY WITH THE SAME SMALL VOICE THE PARROT SAID SIC THEM

4 N AFFLUENT MAN PAID TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A EXOCTIC BIRD FOR HIS MOTHER HOW DID YOU LIKE THE BIRD SHE RESPONDED IT WAS DELICOUS

5 A LADY WAS WALKING PAST A PET STORE WHEN A PARROT SAID HEY LADY YOU'RE REALLY UGLY THE LADY WAS ANGRY BUT CONTINUED ON HER WAY ON THE WAY HOME SHE PASSED BY THE PET STORE AND THE PARROT ONCE MORE SAID HEY LAD YO'RE REALLY UGLY SHE WAS ENRAGED NOW SO SHE WENT INTO THE PET STORE AND SAID THAT SHE WANTED THAT BIRD DISPOSED OF THE STORE MANAGER APOLIGEZED PROFUSELY AND PROMISED HE WOULD MAKE THE SURE THE PARROT DID'N'T SAY IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY SHE DELIBERATELY PASSED BY THE PET STORE TO TEST THE PARROT HEY LADY IT YES YOU KNOW

6 MRS PETERSON PHONED THE REPAIRMAN BECAUSE HER DISHWASHER STOPPED WORKING HE COULDN'T ACCOMODATE HER WITH WITH AN AFTER HOURS APPOINTMENT AND SINCE SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK SHE TOLD HIM I'LL LEAVE THE KEY UNDER THE DOORMAT PLEAE REPAIR THE DISHWATER LEAVE THE BILL ON THE COUNTER AND I WILL MAIL THE YOU A CHECK BY THE WAY I HAVE A LARGE ROTWEILER NAME KILLER HE WON'T BOTHER YOU I ALSO HAVE A PARROT AND WHATEVER YOU DO MAKE CERTAIN YOU DO NOT TALK TO THE BIRD WELL SURE ENOUGH THE DOG KILLER TOTALLY IGNORED THE REPAIRMAN BUT THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS THERE THE PARROT YELLED AND SCREAMED ABOUT DRIVING CRAZY AS HE WAS READY TO LEAVE HE JUST COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF HE LOOKED AT THE BIRD AND SAID YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME ALL MORNING BE QUIET TO WHICH THE BIRD REPLIED KILLER GET HIM

7 LADY WA EXPECTING THE PLUMBER HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME AT TENO CLOCK TEN O CLOCK CAME AND WENT NO PLUMBER ELVEN O CLOCK TWELVE O CLOCK ONE O CLOCK NO PLUMBER SHE CONCLUDED HE WASN'T COMING AND WENT OUT TO DO SOME ERRANDS WHILE SHE WAS GONE THE PLUMBER ARRIVED HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR THE WOMA'N'S PARROT ASKED WHO IS IT HE REPLIED ITS THE PLUMBER HE STOOD WAITING FOR THE LADY TO LET HIM IN WHEN SHE DIDN'T HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER HE WAITED AND AGAIN THE LADY DIDN'T COME TO LET HIM IN HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO I IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER AGAIN HE WAITED SHE DIDN'T COME AGAIN HE KNOCKED AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT AARRRGGGHHHE HE SAID IN FRUSTRAITON HE BANGED AGAINST THE DOOR WHICH CAUSED HIM TO PASS OUT AND FALL IN THE DOORWAY THE LADY CAME HOME FROM HER ERRAND ONLY TO SEE A MAN LYING AT THE DOOR WHO IS IT SHE WONDERED AT LOUD THE PARROT SAID ITS THE PLUMBER

8 ONE DAY A MAN WENT TO AN AUCTION WHILE THERE HE DECIDED TO BID ON A PARROT HE REALLY WANTED THIS BIRD AND HE CAUGHT UP IN THE BIDDING HE KEPT INCREASING THE BID BUT KEPT GETTING OUT BID SO HE BID HIGHER AND HIGHER FINALLY AFTER HE BID MUCH HIGHER THAN HE INTENDED HE WON THE BID AND THE BIRD WAS HIS AT LAST AS HE WAS PAYING FOR THE PARROT HE SAID TO THE AUCTIONEER I CERTAINLY HPE THIS PARROT CAN TALK I WOULD BE DEVASTATED TO HAVE PAID THIS MUCH FOR IT ONLY TO FIND OUT HAT HE ISN'T ABLE TO TALK OH HE CAN FOR SURE SAID THE AUCTINEER WHO DO YOU THNINK KEPT BIDDING AGAINST YOU

9 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN A CANARY GETS CAUGHT IN A LAWNMOWER
SHREDDED TWEET

10 ON REACHING HIS PLANE SEAT A MAN IS TAKEN ABACK TO SEE A PARROT STRAPPED IN THE SEAT NEXT TO HIS HE ASKED THE STWARDESS FOR A COFFE WHERE UPON THE PARROT SQUAKS AND GET ME A CHOCOLATE MILK NOW THE STEWARDESS FLUSTERED BRINGS BACK A CHOCOLATE MILK FOR THE PARROT AND FORGETS ALL ABOUT THE COFFE THE MAN REMINDS HER OF THE COFFEE WHILE THE PARROT EMPTIES ITS GLASS AND SQUAWKS AND AND GET ME ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK YOU SLOWPOKE QUITE UPSET THE THE POOR GIRL COMES BACK SHAKING WITH ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK BUT STILL NO COFFE UNACCUSTOMED TO SUCH POOR SERVICE THE MAN TRIES THE PARROT APPROACH I'VE ASKED YOU TWICE FOR A COFFEE GO AND GET IT NOW OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU LOOSE YOUR JOB IN AN INSTANT BOTH HE AND THE PARROT HAVE BEEN PICKED UP AND THROWN OUT OF THE EMERGENCY EXIT BY TWO STRONG STEWARDS AS THY PLUNGE DOWNWARD THE PARROT TURNS TO THE MAN AND SAYS FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN'T FLY YOU'VE SURE GOT AN ATTITUDE