tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71160535068045861902012-02-16T05:26:41.658-08:00ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.comBlogger2631100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-65126146086343545062012-01-28T05:54:00.000-08:002012-01-28T06:02:54.880-08:00JUST WANTED YOU GUYS TO KNOW THAT I HAD A SCARY EXPIERENCE I WAS DIAGNOS WITH C DIFF COLITIS AND WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR EIGHT DAYS AT LEAST AND I ALSO WHEN I WAS BORN WHEN IT TO CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE AT 10 DAYS OLD AND I ALSO HAVE A CONDITION CALL INTERSTITIAL CYSTITS AND A FEW SHOWS THAT I LIKE ARE POWER RANGERS SHAKE IT UP THE MENTALIST MURDER SHE WROTE THE WANNABES THE LATEST BUZZ AND MONK AND PERRY MASON JUST THOUGHT I WOULD TELL YOU GUYS THAT<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6512614608634354506?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-78532891817654255682012-01-17T05:56:00.000-08:002012-01-17T07:36:44.853-08:001 JEALOUSY IS THE CENTRAL THEME OF THIS 1984 BEST PICTURE WINNER <div>A AMADEUS </div><div>B UNFORGIVEN </div><div>C ON THE WATERFRONT </div><div>D KRAMER VS KRAMER </div><div>E ORDINARY PEOPLE </div><div>A= A AMADEUS ITALIAN COMPOSER SALIERI PLOTS THE DOWNFALL OF PUCKISH GENIUS MOZART IN THIS MILOS FORMAN FILM </div><div><br /></div><div>2 THE ACTION IN THIS FILM TOOK PLACE DURING THE CIVIL WAR </div><div><br /></div><div>A SERGEANT YORK</div><div>B THE BIG RED ONE </div><div>C HEARTBREAK RIDGE </div><div>D BIRTH OF A NATION </div><div>E DRUMS ALONG THE MOHAWK </div><div><br /></div><div>A= D BIRTH OF A NATION D W GRIFFITH'S EPIC STORY OF TWO FAMILIES DURING THE CIVIL WAR REMAINS A LANDMARK FILM </div><div><br /></div><div>3 IN WHICH SCI FI FILM DOES THE CREATURE USE A CLOAKING DEVICE THAT MAKES IT INVISIBLE </div><div>A THE BLOB </div><div>B KING KONG </div><div>C PREDATOR </div><div>D THE THING </div><div>E ALIEN </div><div><br /></div><div>A= C PREATOR </div><div>4 WHICH SCREEN COWBOY IS FOND OF DRINKING SLEEPING LATE AND HIS HORSE BEAU </div><div>A WILL KANE </div><div>B SHANE </div><div>C RINGO KID </div><div>D DESTRY </div><div>E ROOSTER COGBURN </div><div>A= ROOSTER COG BURN </div><div><br /></div><div>5 H G WELLS' ENCOUNTER IN A _____________ PROVIDES A LIGHT MOMENTIN 1979'S TIME AFTER TIME </div><div>A CAR WASH </div><div>B DISCO CLIUB </div><div>C FAST FOOD RESTAURANT </div><div>D PUBLIC RESTROOM </div><div>E CRACK HOUSE </div><div>A= C FAST FOOD RESTAURANT</div><div><br /></div><div>6 THIS FILM BOB ROBERTS IS A SATIRE OF </div><div>A SPORTS </div><div>B POLITICS </div><div>C TELEVISION </div><div>D WALL STREET </div><div>E ROCK MUSIC </div><div>A= B POLITICS </div><div><br /></div><div>7 VAL KILMER APPEARS IN ALL OF THESE FILMS EXCEPT </div><div>A TOP GUN </div><div>B REAL GENIUS </div><div>C WILLOW </div><div>D ST. ELMO'S FIRE </div><div>E THE DOORS </div><div>A= D ST. ELMO'S FIRE </div><div><br /></div><div>8 WHICH COURTROOM DRAMA IS ADAPTED FROM A WARD WINNING FILM </div><div>A TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD </div><div>B NUTS </div><div>C ANATOMY OF A MURDER </div><div>D THE VERDICT </div><div>E KRAMER VS KRAMER </div><div>A= B NUTS </div><div><br /></div><div>9 WHICH PADDY CHAYEVSKY TV DRAMA WAS NOT TURNED INTO A FETURE FILM </div><div>A MARTY </div><div>B THE BACHELOR PARTY </div><div>C HOLDIAY SONG </div><div>D THE CATTERED AFFAIIR </div><div>E THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT </div><div><br /></div><div>A= C HOLDIAY SOG </div><div><br /></div><div>10 WHICH MOVIE FEATURE GWYENTH PALTROW AS A WEALTHY WIFE NAMED EMILY </div><div>A HUSH </div><div>B SEVEN </div><div>C A PERFECT MURDER </div><div>D GREAT EXPEFCTATIONS </div><div>E SLIDING DOORS </div><div><br /></div><div>A= C A PERFECT MURDER </div><div><br /></div><div>11 WHICH NATIVE AMERICAN ACTOR CO STARS WITH CLINT EAST WOOD IN THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES </div><div>A JAY SILVERHEELS </div><div>B WILL WAMPSON </div><div>C IRON EYES CODY </div><div>D CHIEF DAN GEORGE </div><div>E GRAHAM GREENE </div><div>A= D CHIEF DAN GEORGE </div><div><br /></div><div>12 WHO PLAYS A PADDLE WIELDING PUNK NAMED O BANNION IN DAZED AND CONFUSED </div><div><br /></div><div>A EDWARD NORTON </div><div>B EWAN MCCREGGOR </div><div>C JACK BLACK </div><div>D BEN AFFLECK </div><div>E HUGH GRANT </div><div><br /></div><div>A= D BEN AFFLECK </div><div><br /></div><div>13 IN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON DAVID NAUGHTON IS VISITED BY THIS GRUSESOME THING </div><div><br /></div><div>A DRACULA </div><div>B HIS DEAD FRIEND </div><div>C JACK THE RIPPER'S GHOST </div><div>D BOY GEORGE </div><div>E POLTERGEIST </div><div><br /></div><div>A= B HIS DEAD FRIEND </div><div><br /></div><div>14 WHICH FILM STARS JOHN WAYNE AND KATHERINE HEPBURN </div><div>A DARK COMMAND </div><div>B THE SHOOTIST </div><div>C THE SEARCHERS </div><div>D THREE FACES WEST </div><div>E ROOSTER COGBURN </div><div><br /></div><div>A= E ROOSTER COGBURN </div><div><br /></div><div>15 I'LL BE TAKING THESE HHUGGIES AND WHATEVER CASH YOU GOT SAYS AN ARMMED ROBBER IN </div><div><br /></div><div>A GET SHORTY </div><div>B PULP FICTION </div><div>C THELMA AND LOUISE </div><div>D RAISING ARIZONA </div><div> E RUTHLESS PEOPLE </div><div><br /></div><div>A = D RAISING ARIZONA </div><div><br /></div><div>16 ALL OF THESE FILMS ARE SET I CHINA ECEPT </div><div>A THE LAST EMPEROR </div><div>B EMPIRE OF THE SUN </div><div>C THE SAND PEBBLES </div><div>D THE CHINA SYNDROME </div><div>E THE GOOD EARTH </div><div><br /></div><div>A= D THE CHINA SYNDROME </div><div><br /></div><div>17 WHICH GLAMOROUS AREA IS THE SETTING FOR ALFRED HITCHCOCK TO CATCH A THIEF </div><div><br /></div><div>A BEVERLEY HILLS </div><div>B ACAPULCO </div><div>C SPAIN'S GOLD COAST </div><div>D GREEK ISLANDS </div><div>E FRENCH RIVERIA</div><div>A= E FRENCH RIVERIA </div><div><br /></div><div>18 WHO PLAYS THE LEAD ROLE IN 1945'S THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY </div><div>A HURD HATFIELD </div><div>B DAVID NIVEN </div><div>C DENNIS PRICE </div><div>D BASIL RATHBONE </div><div>E LAURENCE OLIVER </div><div><br /></div><div>A= A HURD HATFIELD </div><div><br /></div><div>19 WHO PLAYS THE TITLE ROLE IN 1936'S THE STORY OF LOUIS PASTEUR </div><div>A WALTER PIDGEON </div><div>B ROBERT DONAT </div><div>C SPENCER TRACY </div><div>D PAUL MUNI </div><div>E WILLIAM POWELL </div><div>A= D PAUL MUNI </div><div><br /></div><div>20 MADONA STARS IN ALL THESE FILMS EXCEPT </div><div>A A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN </div><div>B DICK TRACY </div><div>C WHO'S THAT GIRL </div><div>D SEA OF LOVE </div><div>E BODY OF EVIDENCE </div><div><br /></div><div>A= D SEA OF LOVE </div><div><br /></div><div>21 WHICH OF THESE OSCAR WINNING SUPPORTING ACTORS WON HIS AWARD IN THE 1980'S </div><div><br /></div><div>A VAN HEFLIN </div><div>B WALTER BRENNAN </div><div>C JOSEPH SCHILDKRAUT </div><div>D BARRY FITZGERALD </div><div>E DON AMECHE </div><div>A= E DON AMECHE </div><div><br /></div><div>22 WHICH WRITER PITCHES A MOVIE IDEA TO GRIFFIN MILL IN THE PLAYER </div><div>A ROBERT TOWNE </div><div>B JOE ESZTERHAS </div><div>C ALBERT BROOKS </div><div>D BUCK HENRY </div><div>E GORE VIDAL </div><div>A= D BUCK HENRY </div><div><br /></div><div>23 ON WITH A SHOW A 1929 RELEASE IS KNOWN FOR BEING THIS KIND OF MOIVE </div><div>A BACKSTAGE MUSICAL </div><div>B HISTORICAL DRAMA </div><div>C SCREWBALL COMEDY </div><div>D FILM NOIR </div><div>E SLAP STICK </div><div><br /></div><div>A= A BACKSTAGE MUSICAL </div><div><br /></div><div>24 IN THIS 1995 FILM 12 MONKEYS BRUCE WILLIS TRAVELS BACK IN TIME TO </div><div>A FIND A KIDNAPPED HEIRESS</div><div>B PREVENT A DEADLY PLAGUE </div><div>C STUDY RHESUS MONKEYS </div><div>D IMPREGNATE A WOMAN </div><div>E FIND SARAH CONNOR </div><div><br /></div><div>A= B PREVENT A DEADLY PLAGUE </div><div><br /></div><div>25 IN THE 20-04 FILM WITHOUT A PADDLE THREE FRIENDS GO ON A CANOE TRIP IN SEARCH OF </div><div>A A MISSING CHILD </div><div>B THEIR GIRLFRIENDS </div><div>C A LOST TREASURE </div><div>D AN AILEN LANDING SITE </div><div>E THE DUEL BANJOS KID</div><div>A= C A LOST TREASURE </div><div><br /></div><div>26 WHO DIRECTED THE 1926 SILENT THRILLER THE LODGER </div><div>A ERIC VON STROHEIM </div><div>B D W GRIFFITH </div><div>C ALFRED HITCHCOCK </div><div>D FRITZ LANG </div><div>E JOHN FORD </div><div>A= C ALFRED HITHCOCK </div><div><br /></div><div>27 WHO PLAYS GEORGE EASTMAN IN A PLACE IN THE SUN </div><div>A MONTGOMERY CLIFT </div><div>B BURT LANCASTER </div><div>C KIRK DOUGLAS</div><div>D GLENN FORD </div><div>E LAWRENCE TIERNEY </div><div>A= A MONTGOMERY CLIFT </div><div><br /></div><div> 28 LOUIS MALL DIRECTED ALL OF THESE FILMS EXCEPT </div><div>A PRETTY BABY </div><div>B MY DINNER WITH ANDRE </div><div>C ROSEMARY'S BABY </div><div>D DAMAGE </div><div>E ATLANTIC CITY </div><div><br /></div><div>A= C ROSEMARY'S BABY </div><div><br /></div><div>29 WHO PLAYS THE PSYCHOCTIC PREACHER IN NIGHT OF THE HUNTER </div><div><br /></div><div>A HUMPHREY BOGART </div><div>B ROBERT MITCHUM </div><div>C JAMES CAGNEY </div><div>D WILLIAM HOLDEN </div><div>E JOSEPH COTTEN </div><div>A= B ROBERT MITCHUM </div><div><br /></div><div>30 WHICH ARE THEE BOYS IN THE 1960 SPRING BREAK WHERE THE BOYS ARE </div><div>A MALIBU </div><div>B LONG ISLAND </div><div>C PALM SPRINGS </div><div>D FORT LAUDERDALE </div><div>E FRENCH RIVIERIA </div><div>A= D FORT LAURDERDALE </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7853289181765425568?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-3851554857259107632011-07-23T11:49:00.000-07:002011-07-23T11:56:20.755-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; ">The ramshackle Victorian house is all that widowed mother-to-be Callie Mitchell has left. But she's <i>going</i> to make that house into a true home—a home where she and her baby will be safe and happy…and where women in need can find refuge. And if that means trusting stranger Jacob Smith to help with the repairs, then so be it. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; ">Jacob came to town with a handful of old postcards and one goal in mind—to find the mother who'd abandoned him years before. He never planned to stay…and he certainly never planned to care for Callie. Yet as they rebuild the house together, Jacob and Callie also build the <i>family</i> they've always wanted.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; "><div class="bucket" id="productDescription" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0em; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0em; "><div class="content" style="margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-left: 25px; "><div class="productDescriptionWrapper" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; "><div><br /></div><div class="emptyClear" style="clear: left; height: 0px; font-size: 0px; "></div></div></div></div><a name="productDetails" id="productDetails"></a></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-385155485725910763?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-43373633570318214722011-07-23T11:47:00.000-07:002011-07-23T11:48:51.825-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; "><div class="bucket" id="productDescription" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0em; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0em; "><div class="content" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 10px; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-left: 25px; "><div class="productDescriptionWrapper" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; ">With beaux scarce in post–Civil War Texas, practical Milly Matthews and her "Spinster Society" friends have their hands full protecting their ranches. Their only hope: advertising for mail-order grooms. But aristocratic British cavalry officer Nicholas Brookfield isn't exactly Milly's idea of a cowboy—or a man she can trust. And the more Nick proves himself as a ranch hand, the more he must hide his past from the woman he longs to make his own. Now Milly and Nick will need all their courage to face hidden dangers…and believe in a love that can answer all their prayers.<div class="emptyClear" style="clear: left; height: 0px; font-size: 0px; "></div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div><a name="productDetails" id="productDetails"></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4337363357031821472?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-48470736468933937942011-07-23T11:30:00.000-07:002011-07-23T11:36:32.670-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; ">Why did the new doctor in Simpson Creek have to be a Yankee? Sarah Matthews can see that Nolan Walker is a good man—and a handsome one. But she can't return his affection. Not with so much bitterness from the war fresh in her memory. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; ">Yet when the town is struck by a deadly influenza epidemic, it's Nolan who battles to save Sarah's life. And when a shadow from the past returns, the time arrives for Sarah to decide if she's finally ready to utter the words her doctor longs to hear—"I do." <em>--This text refers to the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/b004geaicq/ref=dp_proddesc_1?ie=UTF8&amp;n=283155" class="product" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(0, 51, 153); font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline; ">Kindle Edition</a> edition.</em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; "><div class="bucket" id="productDescription" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0em; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0em; "><div class="content" style="margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-left: 25px; "><div class="productDescriptionWrapper" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; "><div class="emptyClear" style="clear: left; height: 0px; font-size: 0px; "></div></div></div></div><a name="productDetails" id="productDetails"></a></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; "><br /></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4847073646893393794?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-20120968465407480022011-07-23T11:22:00.000-07:002011-07-23T11:26:36.677-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; "><b>He needs to turn his life around…</b></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; "><div class="bucket" id="productDescription" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0em; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0em; "><div class="content" style="margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-left: 25px; "><div class="productDescriptionWrapper" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; "><p>And Simpson Creek, Texas, is the perfect place to do it. On the run from his dangerous past, Sam Bishop is happy to find a town seeking "marriage-minded bachelors." A wealthy wife is <i>just</i> what he needs to make his gambling problems disappear. But when Prissy Gilmore catches Sam's eye, she proves to be much more than a rich match. Sam wants to deserve her, wants to become sheriff and protect her hometown—wants to be the man she believes him to be. Yet the true test is waiting, when his past returns to challenge his future. <em>--This text refers to the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/b004r1q7b4/sr=1-1/qid=1311445463/ref=dp_proddesc_1?ie=UTF8&amp;n=283155&amp;qid=1311445463&amp;sr=1-1" class="product" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(0, 51, 153); font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline; ">Kindle Edition</a> edition.</em></p><div class="emptyClear" style="clear: left; height: 0px; font-size: 0px; "></div></div></div></div><a name="productDetails" id="productDetails"></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; "><div class="bucket" id="productDescription" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0em; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0em; "><div class="content" style="margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-left: 25px; "><div class="productDescriptionWrapper" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; "><div class="emptyClear" style="clear: left; height: 0px; font-size: 0px; "></div></div></div></div><a name="productDetails" id="productDetails"></a></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2012096846540748002?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-87253354560408402482011-03-17T11:43:00.000-07:002011-03-17T11:44:47.638-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cl0OD1MZ7lc/TYJWjyK8wGI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/NxEU_tb9lCY/s1600/Picture%2B001.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cl0OD1MZ7lc/TYJWjyK8wGI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/NxEU_tb9lCY/s320/Picture%2B001.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5585121660655943778" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8725335456040840248?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-60675906798807513062011-03-17T11:37:00.000-07:002011-03-17T11:43:40.764-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2s-kJCUdS68/TYJWN4O4l3I/AAAAAAAAAZI/o0EFSvzTDCY/s1600/Picture%2B016.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2s-kJCUdS68/TYJWN4O4l3I/AAAAAAAAAZI/o0EFSvzTDCY/s320/Picture%2B016.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5585121284325939058" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6067590679880751306?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-1124677225177791432011-03-17T11:34:00.000-07:002011-03-17T11:37:28.205-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HHa4x1FTECk/TYJUgSCX5iI/AAAAAAAAAZA/TufQ9XnWh3c/s1600/Picture%2B015.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HHa4x1FTECk/TYJUgSCX5iI/AAAAAAAAAZA/TufQ9XnWh3c/s320/Picture%2B015.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5585119401467176482" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-112467722517779143?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-6729329779361297362010-11-13T06:45:00.000-08:002010-11-13T06:50:56.908-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/TN6k03OqI0I/AAAAAAAAAYo/yW1dEZ4L10w/s1600/0906000933b.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/TN6k03OqI0I/AAAAAAAAAYo/yW1dEZ4L10w/s320/0906000933b.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539045819797873474" /></a>my sweet Grandma Passed away i glad we know what we knew i know she is with my grandpa and many other people we know i know that my reedemeer leaves and loves me to i know i will feel both of them with me at all time <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; ">Funeral services well be held Monday Nov. 22, 12:00 noon at the Magna Utah Stake Center 2875 South 8000 West . A viewing will be held Sunday 6-8:oo pm at McDougal Funeral Home 4330 South Redwood Road and again at the church Monday 11-11:45 am prior to services Interment , Valley View Memorial park 4335 West 4100 South.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-672932977936129736?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-39142218723012067312010-07-24T08:45:00.000-07:002010-07-24T09:22:04.410-07:0012 PENCILS NEED<br />1 PENCILS ARE PLACE ON PLAY SURFACE IN INCREMENTS OF 2, WITH ALL ERASERS FACING THE SAME DIRECTION<br />2 WHEN THE CLOCK STARTS, PLAYER PICKS UP THE FIRST SET OF 2 PENCILS AND PLACES THEM ON THE BACK OF HIS/HER HAND<br /><br />3 PLAYER MUST FLIP PENCILS IN THE AIR THEN CATCH THEM TOGETHER PLAYER ADDS TWO MORE PENCILS WITH EACH TURN BUILDING TO A FINAL SET OF 12<br /><br />4 PLAYER CANNOT ADD THE NEXT 2 PENCILS UNTIL THE PREVIOUS SET HAS BEEN CAUGHT<br />4<br />5 TO COMPLETE THE GAME PLAYER MUST CATCH SETS SET OF 2 4 6 8 10 AND FINALLY TWELVE PENCILS IN SUCCESSION WITHIN THE 60 SECONDS TIME LIMIT<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-3914221872301206731?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-32947990753029431492010-05-02T15:42:00.000-07:002010-05-03T07:41:33.723-07:00I LIKE TO BEAR MY TESTIMONY THAT THIS CHURCH IS TRUE AND I KNOW THAT GOD HAS ANSWERS PRAYERS BECAUSE HE HAS ANSWER MY PRAYERS AND ONE TIME WHEN I WAS AT PRIMARY CHILDRENS THEY HAD TO TAKE BLOOD FROM ME AND I AM HARD TO GET BLOOD OUT OF AND EVERYTHING IT ONLY TOOK TWO POKES TO GET BLOOD OUT AND IF YOU'RE FEELING LONELY AND FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ALONE BUT JUST REMEMBER THIS YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND REMEMBER GOD LOVES YOU BACK A COUPLE OF MONTHS BEFORE I KNEW MY COUSIN HAD DIED MY PARENTS WERE AT MY GRANDPARENTS AND THIS WAS AT 10 00 AT NIGHT SO I WAS WORRIED ABOUT MY PARENTS AND I FELT AT SOMEONE WAS COMFORTING ME THE NEXT DAY I KNEW IT WAS MY COUSIN STEPHANIE THEIR WITH ME AND IF ANYBODY IS HAVING QUESTIONS JUST PRAY FOR IT AND I HAVE BEEN READING MY SCRIPTURES AND IT HAS HELP ME SLEEP BETTER AND I KNOW I HAVE SOMEONE FROM THE OTHER SIDE HELPING EACH SUNDAY CAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I WOULD DO IT AND I AM A BELIEVER AND I SAY THIS IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST AMEN<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-3294799075302943149?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-40386473953968700872010-04-17T14:17:00.000-07:002010-04-17T15:06:21.513-07:001 HAPPY FAMILIES<br />IF YOU HAVE A PACK OF FAMILY HAPPY FAMILIES CARDS SORT OUT ONE FAMILY FOR EVERY FOUR GUESTS EVERYONE DRAWS A CARD ON ARRIVAL AND HAS TO FIND THE OTHER THREE MEMBERS OF THEIR FAMILY AS SOON AS THEY AR EN FAMILLE THEY THEY SIT ON THE FLOOR WHILE THEY'RE WAITING FOR THE OTHERS TO GET TOGETHER IN THEIR FOURS KEEP THEM OCCUPIED WITH<br /><br /><br />2 A DINOSAUR DRIVE<br />EACH FAMILY IS GIVEN A DICE FOUR BITS OF PAPER AND FOUR PENCILS PLAYERS TAKE IT IN TURN TO THROW THE DICE THEY NEED A SIX TO START FOR THAT ALLOWS THEM TO DRAW THE DIANOSAUR'S BODY THE OTHER PARTS AS FOLLOWS<br />5 FOR THE HEAD ONE OF THESE<br />4 FOR THE LEGS FOUR OF THEM<br />3 FOR THE EYES TWO OF THEM<br />2 FOR THE HORNS TWO OF THEM<br />1 FOR THE TAIL ONLY ONE OF THEM<br />PLAYERS CAN FILL THE LEGS AND TAIL BEFORE THEY CAN THROW A FIIVE BUT THEY CAN'T FILL IN THE EYES OR HORN ON A HEADLESS DIANOSAUR<br /><br />3 HUNT FOR THE BALLS<br />WRITE THE NAME PF EACH GUEST ON A PING PONG BALL AS SOON AS THE GUEST ARRIVE GIVE EACH OF THEM THE BALL WITH THEIR NAME ON IT AND SEND THEM OFF TO HIDE THEM ANYWHERE THEY LIKE WITHIN THE PARTY AREA WHEN THE LAST TO ARRIVE THE HIDDEN HAS HIDDEN HIS OR HER BALL IN SOME CLEVER PLACE IT'S FIND THE BALLS TIME THE GUEST WHOSE BALL IS LAST TO BE FOUND IS THE WINNER<br /><br />4 A GOOD DOOK<br />DOOKING FOR APPLES IS IS A POPULAR HALLOWE'N GAME IN SCOTLAND WHEN THE WITCHES TAKE TO THEIR BROOMSTICKS AND FLY THROUGH THE AIR IT'S A GREAT ICE BREAKER AT ANY PARTY FLOAT APPLES IN A BUCKET OF WATER AND STAND IT JUST INSIDE THE PARTY ROOM ON TOP OF THE TOWEL OR SOME SHEETS OF NEWSPAPERS BEFORE A GUEST IS GIVEN A COKE OR AN ORANGE SQUASH HE HAS TO KNELL IN FRONT OF THE BUCKET HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK AND BITE AN APPLE OUT THOUGHTFUL HOSTS AND HOSTESSES DRAPE A TOWEL AROUND THE SHOULDERS OF THE DOOKERS BEFORE THE PLUNGE IN<br /><br />5 FIND THE OTHER HALF<br />CUT UP OLD COLOUR SUPPLEMENT ADS IN TWO HORIZONTALLY VERTICALLY ZIG ZAG ANY WAY YOU WANT ON THE BACOF ONE HALF JOT DOWN A FORFEIT OR A SMALL PRIZE PACKET OF JELLY BABIES TUBE OF SMARTIES AND HIDE THEM AROUND THE HOUSE PUT THE OTHER HALFS IN A HAT ARRIVING GUESTS DRAW HALF AN AD AND ARE SENT OFF TO FIND THE OTHER BIT WHEN THEY FIND IT THEY MUST PERFORM THE FORFEIT OF THEY'RE THEY'RE UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE DRAWN A FORFEIT CARD OR THEY CLAIM THEIR PRIZE WHICH IS LABELEDWITH A FORFEIT<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4038647395396870087?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-77756230942953624002010-04-09T16:33:00.000-07:002010-04-09T16:52:45.053-07:00BECOME AN INSTANT MILLIONAIRE IT'S JUST ANOTHER SCAM SENT VIA EMAIL TO THOUSANDS YET LINDSAY TAYLOR'S ELDERLY FATHER HAS FALLEN FOR IT AND LOST HIS LIFE SAVINGS HE'S EVEN GONE OFF TO CLAIM HIS PROMISED FORTUNED LINDSEY KNOWS HE'LL NEVER SEE A PENNY WORSE SHE'S WORRIED SHE'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN FRANTIC SHE TURNS TO FINACIAL SECURITY EXPERT KYLE WALKER KYLE HAS HIS OWN VENDETTA HE LOST HIS BROTHER TO AN INTERNET MAIL ORDER BRIDE SCHEME HE'S PROMISED TO HELP LINDSAY FIND HER FATHER BUT FIRST HE HAS TO GET THEM CLOSE TO THE SCAM ARTISTS AND THE CLOSER THEY GET THE MORE DANGER THEY FIND<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7775623094295362400?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-55191570703338786132010-04-09T16:24:00.000-07:002010-04-09T16:33:53.207-07:00HIS CHILD IS ALIVE SECRET AGENT ELI TRUDEAU GRIEVED THE LOSS OF HIS WIFE AND BABY THEN HE DISCOVERS HIS SON IS ALIVE AND LIVNG WITH AN ADOPTIVE MOTHER GENA MALONE DESPITE THE SECRETS AND LIES ELI CAN'T DENIED THE TRUTH GENA LOVES THE BOYS YET ELI GREW UP WITHOUT A FATHER AND WON'T DO THAT TO HIS OWN CHILD WHEN SOMEONE DANGEROUS COMES AFTER THEM ELI TAKES GENA AND HIS SON DEEP INTO HIDING AS HE GROWS CLOSER TO THEM HE DISCOVERS THAT HE'S MORE THAN JUST A MAVERICK OPERATIVE AFTER HIS DARK TROUBLED PAST HE'S FINALLY FOUND FAITH AND FAMILY AND HE' LL DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT THEM<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5519157070333878613?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-89184154552725235162010-03-16T15:49:00.000-07:002010-03-16T16:02:05.012-07:00<span style="color:#006600;">A NEW HOME'S PROMISE </span><br /><span style="color:#006600;">WITH TWO KIDS TO RAISE AND HER EX HUSBAND IN JAIL BARBARA STRONG MOVE TO DRY CREEK FOR A FRESH START SHE LOVED THE TOWN BUT APPARENTLY HER FEELINGS WEREN'T RECIPOCATED DIDN'T THE FOLKS IN DRY CREEK TRUST HER TRUTH WAS SHERIFF CARL WALL HAD ASKED EVERYONE IN TO LEAVE BARBARA ALONE SO SHE HEAL THE SHERIFF HAD VOWED TO PROTECT THE PRETTY VUNEARABLE NEWCOMER FROM SUITORS AND FROM ANY OF HER EX HUSBAND'S CRONIES WHO MIGHT TRY TO CONTACT HER BUT WOULD HE BE ABLE TO DO HIS JOB IF HE WAS IN DANGER OF LOSING HIS HEART </span><br /><span style="color:#006600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#006600;">SHERRIF WALL WATCHED BARBARA WALK OUTSIDE LEAVING THE RECEPTION BEHIND ORDINARILY HE WOULDN'T HAVE FOLLOWED HER BUT IF ANYONE WAS GOING TO MAKE CONTACT WITH HER THEY WOULD DO IT AT SOME EVENT LIKE THIS A WEDDING WHERE THEY'D BLEND IN STRANGERS STOOD OUT IN DRY CREEK BUT TONIGHT ANY NUMBER COULD WALK AROUND AND NO ONE WOULD PAY ATTENTION AS LONG AS THEY HAD A CUP FILLED WITH PUNCH OF COURSE THE SHERIFF WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT BARBARA SEEKING HER EX HUSBAND'S CRIMNAL PARTENERS HE'D TALKED WITH HER ENOUGH TO KNOW SHE WASN'T LIKELY TO TURN TO CRIME BUT THAT DIDN'T MEAN HER EX HUSBAND'S PARTENERS WOULDNT TRY TO GET TO HIM THROUGH HER YEAH THE SHERIFF TOLD HIMSELF HE'D BETTER GO TALK TO HER JUST TO MAKE SURE EVERYHTING WAS OKAY </span><br /><span style="color:#006600;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8918415455272523516?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-76006279354197348612010-03-05T13:00:00.000-08:002010-03-05T13:05:36.986-08:00SCENE OF THE CRIME THE GRANT FAMILY'S EXCLUSIVE SONOMA SPA IS A PLACE FOR REST AND RELAZATION NOT MURDER WHEN NAOMI GRANT FINDS HER CLIENT JESSICA ORTIZ BLEEDING TO DEATH IN HER MASSAGE ROOM EVERYTHING FALLS APART THE SALON'S REPUTATION IS AT STAKE AND SO IS NAOMI'S FREEDOME WHEN SHE DISCOVERS THAT SHE IS ONICTIM'S OF THE MAIN SUSPECTS HER ONLY SOLACE FOUND WITH THE OTHER SUSPECT DR DEVON KNIGHTLEY THE VICTIM'S EX HUSBAND BUT DEVON IS HIDING SECRETS OF HIS OWN WHEN THEY COME TO LIGHT WHERE CAN NAOMI TURN AND WHOM CAN SHE TRUST<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7600627935419734861?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-29581763639712295662010-03-05T12:55:00.000-08:002010-03-05T13:00:24.859-08:00DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE WHY IS A KIND HEARTED SAVANT SETTING FIRE TO AN ORDINARY BOOK RECUPERATING FIREFIGHTER ILVY BERIA IS DETERMINED TO FIND OUT BUT THEN THE YOUNG MAN MOE GOES MISSING AND HIS ONLY FRIEND TURNS UP DEAD IVY IS SURE THE DOUBLE MYSTERY IS LI8NKED TO THE STRING OF NUMBERS MOE CHANTED BEFORE HE VANISHED SHE ASKS HER BEST FRIEND COMPUTER EXPERT TIM CARNELLI TO UNCOVER A PATTERN THEY MADE TWO SHOCKING DISCOVERIES THEY HAVE UNEXPECTED ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER AND MOE IS IN SERIOUS DANGER THEY'D BETTER FIND HIM FAST OR THE TRUTH AND THEIR DREAMS WILL GO UP IN SMOKE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2958176363971229566?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-51634305634298742322010-03-05T12:47:00.000-08:002010-03-05T12:55:18.396-08:00HELP MURDER THOSE WERE HER BROTHER'S LAST WORDS BEFORE THEIR PHONE CONNECTION WAS LOST SO ANITA TEEL RUSHES TO ARIZONA TO FIND HER ONLY RALATIVE RIGHT AWAY BUT NO ONE FROM HIS EMPLOYER TO THE POLICE WILL TAKE HER SERIOUSLY EXCEPT FOR BOOKER SCOTT THE HARDENED RANCHER WHOSE HEART SHE BROKE NOW ANITA HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO PUT HER FRAGILE TRUST IN BOOKER INCE AGAIN AS THEY RACE ACROSS THE DEADLY DESERT THE RESCUE MISSION BECOMES A TEST A CHALLENGE TO SEE IF THEY CAN OVERCOME THEIR PRIDE AND THEIR PAST IN TIME TI SAVE HER BROTHER'S LIFE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5163430563429874232?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-22043974209252998772010-02-21T15:37:00.000-08:002010-02-21T15:46:06.931-08:00BATTLE FOR HER BIRTH RIGHT THE STRUGGLING ORCHID FARM ON THE LUSH ISLAND OF MAUI IS KIKI BRILL'S PRIDE AND JOY AND SHE'S NOT ABOUT TO LOSE IT NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY RYAN MCCLAIN IS OFFERING FOR HER FAMILY'S LAND BUT IT'S BECOMING CLER THAT THE ACCIDENT THREATING HER PEACEFUL LIFE ARE REALLY ACTS OF SABOTAGE THE WEALTHY HANDSOME BUSINESSMAN ONCE THE PRIME SUSPECT IS BEGINNING TO SEEM LIKE HER LAST HOPE NOW IF ONLY SHE CAN BRING HERSELF TO TRUST HIM WITH ER HO,E HER HERITAGE AND HER HEART<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2204397420925299877?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-88751714868989869062010-02-21T15:30:00.000-08:002010-02-21T15:37:15.338-08:00HIS GIRLFRIEND HAD VANISHED GRANTED HE HADN'T KNOWN HER LONG BUT RETURNING WAR HERO JUDE WALKER EXPECTED TO EVENTUALLY MARRY THE WOMAN HE'D MET DURING HIS LAST LEAVE NOT FIND HER MISSING OR LEARN THAT HER LAST KNOWN ADDRESS WS A HOMELESS SHELTER IN A DANGEROUS PART OF THE CITY THE SHELTER'S TEMPOARY DIRECTOR SARAH MONTOGEMERY DIDN'T KNOW JUDE'S FRIEND BUT SHE KNEW THE STREETS KNEW THE DANGERS FROM DRUGS AND PROSTOTUTION TO THE MOST COLD BLOODED OF CRIMNALS RIGHT OUTSDIE HER DOOR KNEW TJAT THE HANDSOME BRAVE CAPTAIN WAS IN FOR HEARTACHE AND THAT FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM WAS HERRISKIEST MOVE YET<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8875171486898986906?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-6155205448527253062010-02-21T15:18:00.000-08:002010-02-21T15:26:26.464-08:00EYEWITNESS IN JEOPARDY WITNESS TO A BRUTAL MURDER ANNE JONES BRAVELY AGREES TO TESTIFY SHE IS GIVEN A NEW NAME A NEW HISTORY AND IS ADVISED NOT TO GET TOO CLOSE TO ANYONE BUT SHE DOES WITH GOOD REASON SOMEHOW HER IDENTY HAS BEEN COMPROMISED SOMEONE KNOWS WHO AND WHERE SHE IS ANNE'S HANDSOME BOSS PATRICK MCCLAIN IS HIMSELF A WITNES TO THE SCARE TACTIS BEING USED AGAINST HER AND VOWS TO KEEP HER SAFE YET SHE WILL HAVE TO DISSAPPEAR ALL OVER AGAIN LST SHE PUT THEIR LIVES IN JEOPARDY<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-615520544852725306?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-33516874540128097102010-02-21T15:10:00.000-08:002010-02-21T15:17:06.297-08:00I DIDN'T KILL THOSE MEN ACCORDING TO POLICE MEGAN MCCLAIN HAD THE MOTIVE MEANS AND OPPORTUNITY TO COMMIT A DOUBLE MURDER UNLESS SHE CAN PROVE HER INNOCENCE SHE'LL SPEND CHRISTMAS IN JAIL IS SOMEONE TRYING TO FRAME HER WHO SHE STARTS NOSING AROUND AND UNCOVER NOT ONE BUT TWO UNLIKELY SUSPECTS THE DETECTIVE WORKING THE CASE DOESN'T APPRECIATED MEGAN DOING HIS JOB FOR HIM AND THE MORE PAL WALLACE INVESTIGATES THE GUILTIER MEGAN LOOKS THAT'S BECAUSE SHE IS HIDING SOMETHING SOMETHING THAT SCARES HER MORE THAN HER FEELINGS FOR THE HANDSOME COP<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-3351687454012809710?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-84182451569969446992010-02-21T14:53:00.000-08:002010-02-21T15:10:30.964-08:00MEDICAL MYSTERY OR MURDER HOW DID FIVE PEOPLE FORM SMALL GEROGIA TOWN CONTACAT A RARE DEDLY DISEASE MEDICAL RESEARCHER ALLISON STEWART HAS TO WORK AGAINST THE CLOCK TO FIND OUT YET BEFORE SHE CAN ASK ONE QUESTION SOMEONE TRIES TO KILL HER A HANDSOME RECLUSE WHO IS SHROUDED IN SUSPICION SAVES HER MANY BELEVE LUKE GARISON IS GUILTY IF A DECADE ILD MURDER WITH TIES TO ALLISON'S CSE ALLISON DARES TO WORK CLOSELY WITH LUKE BE IS SHE SETTING HERSELF UP TO BECOME VICTIM NUMBER SIX<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8418245156996944699?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-6924184849571771282010-02-21T14:38:00.000-08:002010-02-21T14:47:14.964-08:00NOW YOU SEE THEM NOW YOU DON'T WHEN SENIOR CITENS START MYSTERIOUSLY DISSAPPERING FROM A BOSTON RETIREMENT OME HEIRESS KRISTINA WORTHINGTON IS SUSPICIOUS ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE FEARS HER BELOVED GRANDMOTHER IS NEXT WITHOUT SOLID EVIDENCE SHE'S FORCED TO TURN TO THE ONE POLICE OFFICER WHO MIGHT LISTEN HER FORMER LOVE GABE BURKE NOW A SEASONED COP GBE STILL SEES HER AS THE RICH GIRL WHOSE FAMILY THOUGHT HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH AND THOUGH HE TAKES ON THE CASE GABE SEEMS SEEMS CONVINCE HE'S CHASING SHADOWS UNTILL THEY UNTIL TEHY START DODGING THREATS BULLETS AND THEIR OWN REKINDLED FEELINGS<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-692418484957177128?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-1811445015449607092010-02-18T17:10:00.000-08:002010-02-18T17:16:43.560-08:00LET'S PLAY A GAME ONE EMAIL AND RADIO SHOW HOST CJ TANNER BECOMES A PAWN IN A MADMAN'S GAME ONLY BY SOLVING HIS RIDDLES CAN SHE STOPPED THE MURDERS AND ONLY MITCH HARMON HER EX FIANCE CAN HELP HER PUT AN END TO THE KILLER'S PLAN MITCH KNOWS HE HAS TO DISCOVERED THE KILLER'S TRUE IDENTITY OTHERWISE HE MAN'S OBSESSION WITH CJ WILL HAVING HER FOLLOWING STEPS TO BECOME HIS FINAL VICTIM MITCH WON'T ALLOW ANYONE TO HARM THE WOMAN HE LET SLIP AWAY HE'LL KEEP HER SFE EVEN IF HE HAS TO PUT HIS OWN LIFE ON THE LINE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-181144501544960709?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-92193850752149567732010-02-18T16:56:00.000-08:002010-02-18T17:10:32.052-08:00A CLUE IN THE WOODS A BLUE SUNDRESS AND WHITE SANDALS THAT' WHAT SEVEN YEAR OLD CARLY BRADFOD WAS WEARING RIGHT BEFORE SHE DISSAPEAR THREE MONTHS LATER DEE KELLY SPOTS THE SANDALS IN THE WOODS AND KNOWS SHE'S UNCOVERED EVIDENCE DEE LOST HER HUSBAND AND CHILD SHE WON'T LET A MOTHER SUFFER AS SHE DID SHE WILL HELP POLICE CHIEF TYLER MADISON FIND CARLY WHETHER HE WANTS HER ASSITANCE OR NOT BT TYLER ISN'T THE ONL ONDETERMINED TI KEEP DEE OFF THE CASE AND EVIDENCE ISN'T ALL SHE'LL FIND IN THE WOODS<br />\<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-9219385075214956773?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-71399430126695802502010-02-08T17:10:00.000-08:002010-02-08T17:22:49.283-08:00I JUST WANT TO THANKS MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS THAT HELP ME THROUGH THIS IC IT IS PAIINFUL AND STRESS FULL THIS DISEASE DOES NOT HAVE A CURE IMAGINE YOU AHVE TO GO TO A DOCTOR AND HAVE TO HAVE A FULL BLADDER AND IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO EMPTY IT JUST A LITTLE AND YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM ABOUT 50 80 TIMES A DAY AND SOMETIME IT KEEPS YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT SO I AM ASKING PEOPLE TO PRAY THAT IC WILL BE ABLE TO GET A CURE CAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE ONE YET AND I AM SO LUCKY AND I THANK GOD FOR HELPING ME GET A DIAGNOS AND A GOOD DOCTORS AND NURSES THAT HAVE HELP ME ON THE WAY PEOPLE WHO HAVE THIS DISEASE CAN't EAT MUCH OF ANYTHIN THAT HAS CITRIUS ACID AND TOMOTOES AND CHOCOLATE AND AND EGGS AND ONIONS THIS IS A HORRIBLE DISEASE FOR ANYBODY TO HAVE AND I ALSO A CARDIVASCOULOR OF THE AUROTA AND ASPERERGER'S SYNDROME AND 18 P- AND SOME TIMES THE DOCTOR DON'T BELIEVE THEIR PATIENTS<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7139943012669580250?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-62291189453776776702010-02-04T15:25:00.000-08:002010-02-04T15:31:00.729-08:00IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT WHEN MATT WHITAKER OPENED HIS DOOR TO SEE A BABY IN HIS BROTHER'S ARM MATT'S NEPHEW DANNY ABANDONED BY HIS HEARTLESS HIGH SOCIETY MOTHER AND THEN DANNY'S FATHER WAS KILLED IN AN ACCIDENT AND MATT AND ILL PREPARED BACHELOR VOWED BEFORE GOD TO LOVE AND PROTECT THIS CHILD AS HIS OWN DANNY'S MOTHER LEAH HUNTER HAD BEEN DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR HER BABY FOR EIGHT YEARS EVER SINCE HIS FATHER SNATCHED HIM AT LAST A CLUE LEADS HER TO THE SMALL TOWN OF ROSEWOOD TEXAS AND HER SON'S GUARDIAN<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6229118945377677670?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-22405847048626375902010-02-04T15:19:00.000-08:002010-02-04T15:25:12.511-08:00AS THE LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL PETER STONE KNEW TROUBLE STUDENT SEAN WILLIAMS NEEDED HIS EXPERT ASSISTANCE AND AS A CHRISTIAN PETER KNEW GOD WAS LEADING HIM TO HELP YET IT WAS THE BOY'S MOTHER WHO CAPTURED PETER'S NOTICE LAURA WIDOW CARING FOR HER FOUR CHILDREN AND AILING AUNT HAD NO TIME FOR ROMANCE OR RELIGION SOMEHOW DESPITE HER PROTESTS LAURA FOUND HERSELF AND HER BROOD FREQUENT VISITOR O TO PETER'S RANCH AND THE CHURCH HE ATTENDED SOON IT SEEMED HER FAMILY WAS MEANT TO COMPLETE PETER'S LIFE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2240584704862637590?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-36350200708530394132010-02-04T14:37:00.000-08:002010-02-04T14:42:47.475-08:00RODEO CHAMPION ZACH LIGHTING LUCAS GRUMPILY AGREES TO A CHRISTMAS EVE DEAL PUT ON A SANTA SUIT AND DELIEVER GIFTS TO A WIDOWED MOTHER THAT DONE HE CAN FINALLY LEAVE DRY CREEK MONTANA IN HIS DUST WELL EXCEPT FOR THE SMALL STOWAWAY IN HIS TRUCK JENNY'S COLLINS GRIEF STRICKEN LITTLE DAUGHTER LIKE ZACH THE GIRL DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MUCH OF ANYTHING ANY MORE HE BRINGS HER HOME JUST IN TIME FOR A BLIZZARD TO STRAND HIM IN LOVELY JENNY'S BARN WHERE HE UNEXPECTEDLY HELPS A FAMILY ABD HIMSELF FIND THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-3635020070853039413?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-34258434108161848312010-02-04T14:28:00.000-08:002010-02-04T14:37:16.369-08:00EVERYONE IN MULL HOLLOW CAN SEE THE RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN FORMER TEXAS RANGER ZANE CANTRELL AND ROSE VINCENT SON THE SAME GOLD FLECKED AMBER EYES THE SAME SMILE NOT THAT ZANE IS SMILING HE'S IN SHOCK HOW COULD ROSE HAVE KEPT HAVE KEPT THEIR CHILD A SECRET FROM HIM ROSE REMINDS ZANE THAT HE'S THE ONE THAT WALKED AWAY HE HAS TO MAKE HER TO SEE HE HAD NO CHOICE BUT ROSE IS AS PRICKLY AS THE CATCUS JELLY SHE MAKES AND THAT'S WHERE THEIR HOPEFUL SON AND THE MULE HOLLOW MATCHMAKERS COME MARCHING IN<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-3425843410816184831?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-50948147651333606512010-02-04T14:21:00.000-08:002010-02-04T14:28:22.408-08:00DESPITE THE A DECADE APART THIS ISN'T THE REUNION MANDY MANCHESTER EXCEPETED SHE THOUGHT SHE'D PUT HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART NOLAN BRIGGS BEHIND HER NOW HE'S BACK AND THE PARARESCUE JUMPER LITTERALLY SWEEPS HER OFF HER FEET HE'S READY AND WILLING TO REKINDLE WHAT THEY ONCE SHARE MANDY THOUGH ISNT PREPARED TO PUT HER HEART AT RISK HE LEFT HER BEFORE SHE WON'T TRUST HIM AGAIN CAN NOLAN TEACH THIS GROUNDED GIRL TO TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5094814765133360651?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-82078452424260969922010-02-02T12:57:00.000-08:002010-02-02T13:23:16.245-08:001. WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW THAT HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH<br />DECAFINATED<br /><br />2 WHAT DO YOU CALL A SLEEPING BULL<br />A BULL DOZER<br /><br />3 WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW<br />SPOILED MILK<br /><br />4 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COW THAT SURIVED THE EARTHQUAKE<br />SHE BECAME A MILKSHAKE<br /><br />5 CITY SLICKER WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS RANCH RANCHER WHY IT'S THE DOUBLE D CROOKED T BAR CIRCLE M CITY SLICKER IT'S KIND OF HARD TO REMEMBER ALL THAT ISN'T IT RANCHER I S'POSE SO CITY SLICKER SO WHERE ARE ALL THE COWS RANCHER CAN'T KEEP ANY ONE LOOK AT THAT BRANDING IRON AND THEY'RE GONE<br /><br />6 WHAT IS THE COW'S FAVORITE FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT<br />THE MOOVIES<br /><br />7 WHY DO COWS WEAR BELLS<br />BECAUSE THEIR HORNS DON'T WOR<br /><br />8 A STRANGER FRANTICALLY RAN UP TO A FARM HOUSE DOOR HE POUNDED HIS FIST AND WHEN THE FARMER CAME TO THE DOOR THE MAN DEMANDED WHERE'S THE NEAREST RAILROAD STATION AND WHAT TIME IS THE NEXT TRAIN INTO THE CITY THE FARMER THOUGHT FOR A MINUTE CUT THROUGH MY BACK HAYFIELD AND YOU OUGHT TO REACH THE CROSS ROADS STATION IN TIME FOR THE 5 40 BUT IF MY BULL SPOTS YOU I EXPECT YOU'LL MAKE THE 515<br /><br />9 WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH A TWITCH<br />BEEF JERKY<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8207845242426096992?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-529505924142555752010-02-02T12:18:00.000-08:002010-02-02T12:56:55.985-08:001. TWO FARMERS MEET ON A DUSTY COUNTRY ROAD ONE OF THE IS CARRYING A BAG LABELED CHICKEN CHICKEN HUH SAYS ONE FARMER HOW 'BOUT THIS IF I GUESS HOW MANY CHICKENS YOU GOT WILL YOU GIVE ME ONE OF THEM HEY SAYS THE GUY WITH THE BAG IF YOU GUESS RIGHT I'LL GIVE YOU BOTH OF 'EM THE OTHER SCRATCHES HIS HEAD AND GUESSES UM FOUR<br /><br />2 WHY DID THE ROMAN CHCKEN CROSS THE ROAD<br />BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID SOMEONE WOULD CAESAR<br /><br />3 WHAT GOES PECK BANG PECK BANG PECK BANG<br />A BUNCH OF CHICKENS IN A FIELD OF BALLOONS<br /><br />4 WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU FEED GUN POWDER TO A CHICKEN<br />AN EGGSPLOSION<br /><br />5 WHY DID THE COWS FAIL THE TEST<br />THEY COPIED OFF EACH UDDER<br /><br />6 A CITY MAN NAMED SMITH WAS DRIVING THROUGH THE COUNTRY SIDE WHEN HIS CAR SUDDENLY SPUTTERED AND COASTED TO A STOP I HAVE PLENTY OF GAS HE THOUGHT SO IT MUST BE THE ENGINE HE LIFTED THE HOOD UP AND TINKERED WITH THIS AND THAT BUT COULDN'T FIGURE OUT THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM THE TROUBLE IS WITH THE CARBURETOR A DEEP VOICE BEHIND HIM SAID BUT WHEN HE TURNED ALL HE COULD SEE WAS A BULL DID UM DID YOU SAY SOMETHING SMITH ASKED YES THE BULL REPLIED I SAID THE TROUBLE IS WITH THE CARBURETOR THEN HE WALKED TOWARD THE CAR AND PEERED UNDER THE HOOD MEANWHILE THE MAN TOOK OFF LIKE A SHOT FOR A FARMHOUSE DOWN THE ROAD WHERE HE TOLD THE FARMER WHAT HAD HAPPENED IS THIS A BIG BULL WITH FLOPPY RIGHT EAR THE FARMER ASK YES THAT'S THE ONE WELL I WOULDN'T PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO HIM IF I WERE YOU THE FARMER SAID THAT BULL HE DOESEN'T KNOW AS MUCH ABOUT AS CARS AS HE THINKS HE DOES<br /><br />7 HOW DID THE FARMER'S WIFE KEEP TRACK OF THEIR FARM'S STEER POPULATION<br />SHE USE CATTLE LOGS<br /><br />8 WHAT DO YOU CALL CATTLE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR<br />LAUGHING STOCK<br /><br />9 WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW THAT EATS GRASS<br />LAWN MOOER<br /><br />10 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CALF AFTER IT'S ONE YEAR'S OLD<br />TWO YEARS OLD<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-52950592414255575?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-90551301187894345212010-02-01T13:47:00.000-08:002010-02-01T14:11:45.488-08:001. SEVERAL SCIENTIST DESIGN A GUN SPECIFICALLY TO LAUNCH DEAD CHICKEN AT THE WIND WINDSHIELDS OF AIRPLANES AND MILITARY JETS TRAVELING AT MAXIUM VELOCITY THE IDEA IS TO STIMULATE THE FREQUENT INCINDENTS OF COLLISIONS WITH AIRBORN FOWL TO TEST THE THE STRENGTH OF THE WINDSHIELDS SOME ENGINEERS HEARD ABOUT THE GUN AND WERE EAGER TO TEST IT ON THE WINDSHIELDS OF THE HIGH SPEED TRAIN ARRANGEMENTS WERE MADE AND A GUN WAS SENT TO THE ENGINEERS WHEN THE GUN WAS FIRED THE ENGINEERS STOOD AMAZED AS THE CHICKEN HURTLED OUT OF THE BARREL CARSHED INTO THE SHATTER PROOF SHIELD SMASHED IT INTO PIECES TORE THROUGH THE CONTROL PANEL SNAPPED THE PILOT'S BACK SEAT IN TWO AND EMBEDDED ITSELF IN THE BACK WALL OF THE CABIN THE DISMAYED ENGINEERS SENT THE SCIENTISTS THE CASATROPHIC RESULTS OF THE EXPERIMENT ALONG WITH THE DESIGNS FOR THE WINDSHIELDS AND BEGGED THE SCIENTIST FOR SUGGESTIONS THE ENGINEERS SOON RECEIVED A ONE LINE MEMO IN RESPONSE FIRST THAW THE CHICKEN<br /><br />2 A CITY MAN TIRED OF THE RAT RACE DECIDED TO GIVE UP THE CITY LIFE MOVE TO THE COUNTRY AND BECOME A CHICKEN FARMER HE PURCHASED A NICE USED CHICKEN FARM HE SOON DISCOVERED THAT HIS NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR WAS ALSO A CHICKEN FARMER THE NEIGBOR CAME TO VISIT ONE DAY AND OFFERED CHICKEN FARMING ISN'T EASY TO HELP YPU GET STARTED I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU ONE HUNDRED CHCIKENS THE NEW CHICKEN FARMER WAS ELATED THREE WEEKS LATER THE NEW NEIGHBOR STOPPED BY TO SEE HOW THINGS WERE GOING THE NEW FARMER SAID NOT VERY WELL ALL OHE HUNDRED CHICKEN DIED THE NEIGBOR ASTONISHED SAID OH I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I 'VE NEVER HAD ANY TROUBLE WITH MY CHICKENS I'LL GIVE YOU ONE HUNDRED MORE ANOTHER THREE WEEKS WENT BY AND THE NEIGHBOR STOPPED IN AGAIN THE NEW FARMER SAID YOU WON'T BELEIVE IT BUT THE SECOND ONE HUNDRED CHICKENS DIED TOO ASTOUNDED THE NEIGHBOR ASKED WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM WHAT WENT WRONG WELL SAID THE NEW FARMER I'M NOT SURE QUITE SURE BUT I THINK MAYBE I'M NOT PLANTING THEM FAR ENOUGH APART<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-9055130118789434521?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-45489144594463823572010-01-31T09:31:00.000-08:002010-01-31T09:57:29.535-08:001 THE FARMER'S SON WAS RETURNING FROM THE COUNTY FAIR WITH THE CRATE OF CHICKENS HIS FATHER HAD GIVEN HIM WHEN SUDDENLY THE BOX FELL AND BROKE OPEN CHCIKENS FLEW EVERYWHERE BUT THE DETERMINED BOY WALKED ALL OVER THE FIELD GATHERING UP THE WAYWARD BIRD AND RETURNING THEM TO THE REPAIRRED CRATE HOPING HE HAD FOUND THEM ALL THE BOY RELUCTANLY RETURNED HOME EXPECTING THE WORST PA I'M SORRY THE CHICKENS GOT LOOSE THE BOY CONFEESSED SADLY BUT I DID MANAGE TO FIND ALL TWLVE OF THEM WELL YOU DID REAL GOOD THERE SON THE FARMER BEAM YOU LEFT HERE WITH EIGHT<br /><br />2 WHICH SIDE OF THE CHICKEN HAS THE MOST FEATHERS<br />THE OUTSIDE<br /><br />3 WHAT KIND OF SHOES DO THE CHICKENS WEAR TO CROSS THE ROAD<br />REE BOK BOK BOKS<br /><br />4 THE CUSTOMER WANTED TO BUY A CHCIKEN AND THE BUTCHER HAD ONLY ONE IN STOCK HE WEIGHED IT AND SAID THIS ONE'S A BEAUTY THAT WILL BE 4. 25 OH BUT THAT ISN'T QUITE LARGE ENOUGH SAID THE CUSTOMER THE BUTCHER PUT THE CHICKEN BACK IN THE REFRIGATOR ROLLED IT AROUND ON THE ICE SEVERAL TIMES THEN PLACED IT BACK ON THE SCALE AGAN THIS ONE IS 5 50 HE SAID ADDING HIS THUMB TO THE WEIGHT OH THAT'S GREAT SAID THE CUSTOMER I'LL TAKE BOTH OF THEM<br /><br /><br />5 WHY DID THE CHCIKEN CROSS THE ROAD<br />TO PROVE TO THE POSSUM THAT IT COULD BE DONE<br /><br />6 WHY DID THE CHEWING GUM CROSS THE ROAD<br />BECAUSE IT WAS STUCK TO THE CHICKEN'S FOOT<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4548914459446382357?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-51727875609098123552010-01-31T07:41:00.000-08:002010-01-31T08:03:09.143-08:001. ONE DAY A MAN WAS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD AT ABOUT THIRTY MILES PER HOUR WHEN HE NOTICED THAT THERE WAS A THREE LEGGED CHCIKEN RUNNING ALONG BESIDE HIS CAR HE STEPPED HE STEPPED ON THE ACCELERATOR BUT AT FIFTY MILES PER HOUR THE CHICKEN WAS STILL KEEPING UP WITH THE CAR AFTER ABOUT A MILE THE CHICKEN RAN UP A FARM LANE AND INTO A BARN BEHIND AN OLD FARM HOUSE THE MAN WAS SO AMAZED BY WHAT HW HAD SEEN HE TURNED AROUND AND DROVE UP THE FARM LANE HE KNOCKED AT THE DOOR AND WHEN THE FARMER ANSWERED HE TOLD HIM WHAT HE HAD JUST SEEN THE FARMER SAID THAT HE KNEW ABOUT THAT CHCIKEN AS A MATTER OF FACT THE FARMER SAID THAT HIS SON WAS A GENNNNETICIST HE HAD DEVELOPED THIS BREED OF CHICKEN BECAUSE THE THREE OF THEM EACH LIKE A DRUMSTICK WHEN THEY HAD CHICKEN AND THIS WAY THEY'D PNLY HAVE TO KILL ONE CHCIKEN THE MAN SAID THAT'S THE MOST INCREDIBLE STORY I HAVE EVERY HEARD SO HOW DO THEY TASTE THE FARMER ANSWERED I DON'T KNOW WE CAN'T CATCH THEM<br /><br />2 WHY DID MOZART SELL HIS CHICKENS<br />THEY KEPT SAYING BACH BACH BACH<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5172787560909812355?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-42139048835810464092010-01-31T07:03:00.000-08:002010-01-31T07:41:04.182-08:001 TWO HENS WERE PECKING AROUND THE CHICKEN YARD WHEN SUDENNLY A SOFTBALL SAILED OVER THE FENBCE AND LANDED JUST INCHES FROM THEM ONE HEN TURNED TO THE OTHER AND SAID DO YOU SEE THAT LOOK AT THE ONES THEY'RE TURNING OUT NEXT DOOR<br /><br />2 WHAT HAS FEATHERS AND WRITES \<br />A BALLPOINT HEN<br /><br />3 LARRY HAD NJEVER COOKED A DAY IN HIS LIFE BUT THOUGHT HE'D LIKE TO SURPRISE HIS WIFE WITH A SPECIAL DINNER ON HER BIRTHDAY HE WENT OUT TO THE BARN SELECTED A CHICKEN PLUCKED IT AND POPPED IT INTO THE OVEN AN HOUR LATER HE DISCOVERED HE HADN'T TURNED THE OVEN AS HE OPENED THE DOOR THE CHICKEN SAT UP AND SAID LOOK MISTER CAN YOU EITHER TURN ON THE HEAT OR GIVE ME BACL MY FEATHER<br /><br />4 WHY WAS THE CHICKEN TEAM SO BAD AT BASEBALL<br />THEY KEPT GETTING FOWL BALLS<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4213904883581046409?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-21477706951426612932010-01-30T16:47:00.000-08:002010-01-30T16:52:26.224-08:001. WHICH BIG CAT SHO YOU NEVER PLAY A BOARD GAME WITH<br /><br />2 WHY AREN'T LEO[PARDS ANY GOOD AT HIDE AND SEEK<br />BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS SPOTTED<br /><br />3 WHY WAS THE CHICKEN SENT TO THE PRINCIPLE'S OFFICE<br />BECAUSE IT KEPT PECKING ON THE OTHER KID<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2147770695142661293?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-19289727957357501682010-01-30T16:16:00.000-08:002010-01-30T16:47:11.111-08:001 WHAT DOES THE LION SAY TO HIS FRIENDS BEFORE THEY GO OUT HUNTING FOR FOOD<br />LET US PREY<br /><br />2 WHAT IS A LION'S FAVORITE FOOD<br />BAKED BEINGS<br /><br />3 WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE LION ATE THE COMEDIAN<br /><br />4 HOW DOES A LION GREET OTHERS ANIMALS IN THE FIELD<br />PLEASE TO EAT YOU<br /><br />5 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENT BETWEEN A TIGER AND A LION<br />A TIGER HAS THE MANE PART MISSING<br /><br />6 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LEOPARD THAT TOOK A BATH THREE TIMES A DAY<br />AFTER A WEEK HE WAS SPOTLESS<br /><br />7 ON WHICH DAY DO LIONS EAT PEOPLE<br />CHEWSDAY<br /><br />8 WHAT HAPPEND WHEN A LION RUNS INTO AN EXPRESS TRAIN AT THE STATION <br />IT'S THE END OF THE LION<br /><br />9 HOW DOES A LEOPARD CHANGE ITS SPOTS<br />WHEN IT GETS TIRED OF ONE SPOT IT JUST MOVES TO ANOTHER<br /><br />10 WHAT DO YOU CALL A LION THAT HAS EATEN YOUR MOTHER'S SISTER<br />AN AUNT EATER<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1928972795735750168?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-15101114728734566312010-01-30T10:24:00.000-08:002010-01-30T10:32:30.283-08:001. MR AND MRS PHILLIPS WERE ON A SAFARI IN DARKEST AFRICA THEY WERE WALKING CAUTIOUSLY THROUGH THE JUNGLE WHEN SUDDENLY A HUGE LION LEAPT OUT IN FRONT OF THEM SEIZED MRS PHILLIPS IN ITS JAWS AND STARTED TO DRAG HER AWAY SHOOT SHE SCREAMED TO HER HUSBAND SHOOT I CAN'T HE YELLED BACK I'M ALL OUT OF FILM<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1510111472873456631?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-90001609993862697982010-01-30T09:34:00.000-08:002010-01-30T10:23:51.517-08:001 A COUPLE WAS GOING OUT FOR THE EVENING TO CELEBRATE THEIR ANNIVERSARY WHILE THEY WERE GETTING READ6Y THE HUSBAND PUT THE CAT OUTSIDE THE TAXI ARRIVED AND AS THE COUPLE WALKED OUT THE DOOR THE CAT SHOT BACK INTO THE HOUSE NOT WANTING THEIR PET TO HAVE FREE RUNN OF THE HOUSE WHILE THEY'RE WERE OUT THE HUSBAND WENT BACK UPSTAIRS TO GET THE CAT THE WIFE DIDN'T WANT IT KNOWN THAT THERE WOULD BE NO ONE HOME SO SHE SAID TO THE TAXI DRIVER MY HUSBAND WILL BE RIGHT BACK HE'S JUST GOING UPSTAIRS TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIS MOTHER A FEW MINUTES LATER THE HUSBAND CLIMBED INTO THE CAR AND SAID I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG THE OLD THING WAS HIDING UNDER THE BED SO I HAD TO POKE HER WITH A COAT HANGER TO GET HER TO COME OUT<br /><br />2 WHAT DO YOU CALL A LEMMON EATING CAT<br />SOURPUSS<br /><br />3 A PERSISTENT SALESMAN WAS GOING DOOR TO DOOR AND HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR OF A WOMAN WHO WAS NOT HAPPY TO SEE HIM SHE TOLD HIM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT SHE DID NOT WANT TO THE SALES PITCH AND SLAMMED THE DOOR IN HIS FACE TO HER SURPRISE HOWEVER THE DOOR DID NOT CLOSE IN FACT IT FLEW BACL OPEN SHE TRIED AGAIN PUSHING ON IT AS HARD BUT MET WITH THE SAME RESULT THE DOOR BOUNCED BACK OPEN A SECOND TIME CONVINCED THAT THIS PUSHY SALESMAN WAS STICKING HIS FOOT IN THE DOOR SHE REARED BACK TO GIVE IT A SLAM THAT WOULD TEACH HIM A LESSON WHEN HE SAID MAAM BEFORE YOU DO THAT AGAIN I WOULD SUGGEST YOU MOVE YOUR CAT<br /><br />4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CAT THAT HAS BEEN THROWN IN A DRYER<br />FLUFFY<br /><br />5 WHY DID THE TIGER EAT THE TIGHTROPE WALKER<br />HE WANTED A WELL BALANCED MEAL<br /><br />6 A POLICE OFFICER SAW A WOMAN SITTING IN HER CAR WITH A TIGER IN THE FRONT SEAT NEXT TO HER THE OFFICER SAID IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE THAT TIGER IN YOUR CAR TAKE HIM TO THE ZOO THE NEXT DAY THE POLICE OFFICER SAW THE SAME WOMAN IN THE SAME CAR WITH THE SAME TIGER HE SAID I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY TO TAKE THAT TIGER TO THE ZOO THE WOMAN REPLIED I DID HE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME TODAY WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH<br /><br />7 WHY IS IT HARD TO SPOT A LEOPARD IN THE JUNGLE \<br />BECAUSE THEY ARE BORN SPOTTED<br /><br />8 A MISSIONARY WAS WALKING THROUGH THE JUNGLE ONE DAY AS HE CAME INTO A CLEARING HE AND A LION CAME TO A FACE AND IN HIS SHOCK HE DROPED THE RIFFLE HE HAD CARRYING HE BEGAN TO RUN AS FAST AS HE COULD AND CAME UPON A TREE THAT HE BEGAN TO CLIMB THAT WAS GOOD NEWS THE BAD NEWS WAS THE LION WAS CHARGING AT HIM GAINING SPEED AND MOMENTUM DEAR LORD THE MISSONARY PRAYED I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE MAKE THAT LION A CHRISTIAN SUDDENLY THE LION SKIDDED TO A HALT FELL TO ITS KNEES CLASPED ITS PAWS TOGETHER AND BEGAN TO PRAY DEAR GOD PLEASE BLESS THIS FOOD THAT I AM ABOUT TO RECIEVE<br /><br />9 A HUNGRY LION WAS ROAMING THROUGH THE JUNGLE LOOKING FOR HIS NEXT MEAL HE CAME ACROSS TWO MEN ONE WAS SITTING UNDER A TREE READING A BOOK THE OTHER WAS TYPING AWAY ON HIS LAPTOP THE LION QUICKLY POUNCED ON THE MAN READING THE BOOK AND DEVOURED HIM EVEN THE KING OF THE JUNGLE KNOWS THAT READERS DIGEST AND WRITERS CRAMP<br /><br />10 I CAME FACE TO FACE WITH A LION ONCE AND CAN YOU BELIEVE I FOUND MYSELF ALONE AND WITHOUT A GUN WHAT DID YOU DO WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE FIRST I TRIED LOOKING STRIGHT IN HIS EYES BUT HE SL;OWLY BEGAN TO CREEP TOWARD ME I MOVED BACK BUT HE KEPT COMING I HAD TO DO SOME QUICK THINKING SO HOW DID YOU GET AWAY I JUST LEFT HIM AND PASSED ON TO THE NEXT CAGE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-9000160999386269798?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-62150868509561230802010-01-28T15:42:00.000-08:002010-01-28T16:15:58.508-08:001 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CAT AND A COMMA<br />ONE HAS THE PAWS BEFORE THE CLAUSE AND TH OTHER HAS THE CLAWS BEFORE THE PAUSE<br /><br />2 WHY WAS THE CAT AFRAID OF THE TREE<br />HE DIDN'T LIKE ITS BARK<br /><br />3 IF TEN CATS ARE OUT ON A BOAT AND ONE JUMP OFF HOW MANY ARE LEFT<br />NONE THEY'RE ALL COPYCATS<br /><br />4 WHY WAS CAT SO SMALL<br />BECAUSE IT ONLY ATE CONDENSED MILK<br /><br />5 A FAMOUS ART COLLECTOR WAS STROOLING THROUGH THE CITY WHEN HE NOTICED A MANGY CAT DRINKING MILK FROM A SAUCER IN THE DOORWAY OF A STORE HE DID A DOUBLE TAKE AS HE OBSERVED THAT THE SAUCER WAS QUITE RARE AND VERY VALUABLE HE WALKED CASUALLY INTO THE STORE AND OFFERED TO BUY THE CAT TWO DOLLARS THE STORE OWNER I'M SORRY BUT THE CAT IS NOT FOR SALE THE COLLECTOR PERSISTED SAYING PLEASE I NEED A HUNGRY CAT AROUND THE HOUSE TO CATCH MICE I'LL PAY YOU TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS FOR THE CAT THE OWNER SAID SOLD AND HANDED OVER THE CAT THE COLLECTOR CONTINUED FOR THE TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS COULD YOU THROW IN THE SAUCER TOO I'M SURE THE CAT IS USED TO IT AND<em> I WON'T HAVE TO PURCHASED A DISH FOR HER THE OWNER REPLIED SORRY PAL BUT THAT IS MY LUCKY SAUCER SO FAR THIS WEEK I'VE SOLD FIFTY NINE CATS </em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6215086850956123080?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-46052543438031765802010-01-28T14:06:00.000-08:002010-01-28T14:34:22.210-08:001 WHAT IS THE CAT'S FAVORITE KIND OF COMPUTER<br />A LAPTOP<br /><br />2 WHAT DO YOU CALL A N OVERWEIGHT CAT<br />A FLABBY TABBY<br /><br />3 WHEN CARL WENT AWAY ON VACATION HIS BROTHER BEN PROMISED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS CAT THE NEXT DAY CARL CALLED BEN TO SEE HOW HIS ANIMAL IS DOING YOUR CAT IS DEAD SAID BEN MATTER OF FACTLY DEAD SAID THE STUNNED CARL WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME LIKE THAT HOW SHOULD I HAVE TOLD YOU ASKED BEN WELL SAID CARL THE FIRST TIME I CALLED YOU COULD HAVE BROKEN IT TO ME GENTLY YOU COULD HAVE SAID MY CAT WAS ON THE ROOF BUT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT WAS GETTING HER DOWN THE SECOND TIME I CALLED YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THE CAT FELL OUT OF THE FIREMAN'S ARMS AND BROKE ITS NECK THE THIRD TIME I CALLED YOU COULD HAVE SAID THAT THE VET HAS DID EVERYTHING HE COULD BUT FLUFFY STILL PASSED AWAY THAT WAY IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO HARD ON ME I'M SORRY SAID BEN THAT'S ALL RIGHT BY THE WAY HOW'S MOTHER SHE'S UP ON THE ROOF BUT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS GETTING HER DOWN<br /><br />4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CAT THAT GETS THROWN IN THE DRYER AND IS NEVER FOUND AGAIN<br />SOCJKS<br /><br />5 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN Y OU PUT A KITTEN IN A XEROX MACHINE A COPYCAT<br /><br />6 WHAT DO CATS DRINK ON HOT SUMMER AFTERNOONS<br />MICE TEA<br /><br />7 WHY DID THE CAT FAMILY MOVE NEXT DOOR TO THE MOUSE FAMILY<br />SO THEY COULD HAVE THE NEIGHBORS OVER FOR DINNER<br /><br />8 WHAT DO YOU CALL A CAT THAT SINGS LIKE PAVORITI<br />A MEWISCAL<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4605254343803176580?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-6322810638380721052010-01-28T13:50:00.000-08:002010-01-28T14:06:28.821-08:001. WHY WAS THE CEN TIPEDE DROPPED FROM THE INSECT FOOTBALL TEAM<br />HE TOOK TO LONG TO PUT HIS BOOTS ON<br /><br />2 WHAT IS GREEN AND CAN JUMP A MILE A MINUTE<br />A GRASSHOPPER WITH HICCUPS<br /><br />3 WHY DIDN'T THE FLY GO NEAR THE COMPUTER<br />BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET CAUGHT IN THE WEB<br /><br />4 THE FURIOUS CUSTOMER CALL THE WAITRESS OVER TO HIS TABLE AND DEMANDED TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN HIS SOUP SHE LOOKED AND SHYLY SAID I'LL HAVE TO CALL THE BOSS I DON'T KNOW ONE INSECT FROM ANOTHER<br /><br />5 WHAT DO YOU CALL A NERVOUS INSECT<br />JITTERBUG<br /><br />6 TWO CATTERPILLARS WERE CRAWLING ALONG A TWIG WHEN A BUTTERFLY FLEW BY YOU KNOW SAID ONE CATTERPILLAR TO THE OTHER YOU WOULD NEVER CATCH ME UP IN ONE OF THOSE THINGS<br /><br />7 WHAT GOES SNAP CRACKLE POP<br />A FIREFLY WITH A SHORT CIRCUIT<br /><br />8 WHY DID THE MAN THROW OUT HIS BUTTERED TOAST<br />TO WATCH THE BUTTER FLY<br /><br />9 A CRICKET WALKED INTO A LONDON SPORTING GOODS STORE HEY SAID THE CLERK SHOCKED TO SEE AN INSECT WITH AN INTEREST IN SPORTS WE HAVE A GAME NAMED AFTER YOU REALLY SAID THE CRICKET YOU HAVE A GAME CALLED CHARLES<br /><br />10 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAT THAT SWALLOWED A BALL OF WOOL<br />IT HAD MITTENS<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-632281063838072105?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-8443180446703885762010-01-27T15:57:00.000-08:002010-01-27T16:07:57.375-08:001 RON WENT INTO A DRUGSTORE AND PURCHASED A BOX OF MOTHBALLS THE NEXT DAY HE RETURNED AND BOUGHT A SECOND BOX WHEN HE CAME BACK THE THIRD DAY THE CLERK WAS QUITE CURIOUS AND HE COMMENTED YOU SURE MUST HAVE LOTS OF MOTHS IN YOUR HOUSE YES I DO ADMITTED RON AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE I'VE BEEN THROWING THESE BALLS AT THEM FOR TWO DAYS AN I HAVEN'T BENN ABLE TO HIT A SINGLE ONE<br /><br />2 ARE CATERPILLARS GOOD TO EAT ASKED A LITTLE BOY AT THE DINNER TABLE NO SAID HIS FATHER WHY WOULD YOU ASKED A QUESTION LIKE THAT WELL THEERE WAS ONE IN YOUR SALAD BUT IT'S GONE NOW<br /><br />3 CUSTOMER WAITER THERE'S A FLY IN MY SOUP WAITER YOU'RE MISTAKEN SIR THAT';S THE BUTTERFLY<br /><br />4 WHY DID THE FLY FLY<br />BECAUSE THE SPIDER SPIED HER<br /><br />5 WHAT IS THE INSECT'S FAVORITE GAME<br />CRICKET<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-844318044670388576?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-2548211384235806442010-01-27T15:41:00.000-08:002010-01-27T15:57:41.091-08:001. TWO ROBBINSW WERE SITTING IN A TREE I'M REALLY HUNGRY SAID THE FIRST ONE ME TOO SAID THE SECOND LET'S FLY DOWN AND FIND SOME LUNCH THEY FLEW TO THE GROUND AND FOUND A NICE PLOT OF PLOWED GROUND FULL OF WORMS THEY ATE AND ATE UNTIL THEY COULDN'T EAT ANY MORE I'M SO FULL I DON'T THINK I COULD FLY BACK UP TO THE TREE SAID THE FIRST ONE ME EITHER LET'S JUST LIE HERE AND BASK IN THE WARM SUN SAID THE SECOND OKAY SAID THE FIRST THEY PLOPPED DOWN BASKING IN THE SUN NO SOONER HAD THEY FALLEN ASLEEP THEN A BIG FAT TOMCAT SNUCK UP AND GOBBLED THEM UP AS HE SAT LICKING HIS PAWS AFTER HIS MEAL HE THOUGH I LOVE BASKIN' ROBINS<br /><br />2 A LITTLE HATCHING FELL OUT OF ITS NEST AND WENT CRASHING THROUGH THE BRANCHES OF THE ELM TREE TOWARD THE GROUND ARE YOU ALRIGHT CALLED A ROBIN AS THE CHICK WENT HURTLING PAST ITS PERCH SO FAR SAID THE LITTLE BIRD<br /><br />3 HOW DID THE EXHAUSTED SPARROW LAND SAFELY<br />BY SPARRPWCHUTE<br /><br />4 WHAT DO DUCKS LIKE ON TELEVISON<br />DUCKUMENTARIES<br /><br />5 WHAT IS THE MOST COMMON ILLNESS IN BIRDS<br />FLU<br /><br />6 WHAT BIRDS SPEND ALL THEIR TIME ON THEIR KNEES<br />BIRDS OF PREY<br /><br />7 WHERE DO BIRDS INVEST THEIR MONEY<br />IN THE STORK MARKET<br /><br />8 DID YOU HEAR THE STORY ABOUT THE PEACOCK THAT CROSS THE ROAD<br />IT IS A COLOURFUL TAIL<br /><br />9 WHY DID THE FIREFLY DO WELL ON THE TEST<br />BECAUSE IT WAS VERY BRIGHT<br /><br />10 TEACHER IF THEIR ARE A DOZEN FLIES ON THE TABLE AND YOU SWAT ONE HOW MANY ARE LEFT STUDENT UH JUST THE DEAD ONE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-254821138423580644?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-34710141406131809332010-01-27T15:24:00.000-08:002010-01-27T15:41:44.587-08:001 WHY WOULDN'T THE DUCK GO TO THE DUCK DOCTOR<br />BECAUSE HE WAS A QUACK<br /><br />2 WHY DO BIRDS FLY SOUTH FOR THE WINTER<br />BECAUSE IT'S TOO FAR TOO WALK<br /><br />3 HOW MANY PENGUINS DOES IT TAKE TO FLY AN AIRPLANE<br />NONE PENGUINS CAN'T FLY<br /><br />4 WHICH BIRD IS ALWAYS OUT OF BREATH<br />A PUFFIN<br /><br />5 WHAT DO YOU CALL A PENGUIN IN THE DESERT<br />LOST<br /><br />6 WHAT KIND OF BIRD DOES CONSTRUCTION WORK<br />THE CRANE<br /><br />7 FRED SOMEONE SAID YOU LOOK LIKE A OWL MEG WHO FRED YOU SOUND LIKE ONE TOO<br /><br />8 WHAT DO YOU CALL A SEAGULL WHEN IT FLIES OVER THE BAY<br />A BAGEL<br /><br />9 THE MANAGER OF A LARGE CITY ZOO WAS COMPOSING A LETTER TO ORDER A PAIR OF ANIMALS HE SAT AT HIS COMPUTER AND TYPED I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER TWO MONOGOOSES TO BE DELIEVERED AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVIENCE HE STARED AT THE SCREEN FOCUSING ON THE ODD LOOKING WORD MONGOOSES THEN HE DELETED THE WORD AND ADDEND ANOTHER SO THAT THE SENTENCE NOW READ I WOULD LIKE TO PLACE A ORDER FOR TWO MONGEESE TO BE DELIEVERED AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE ONCE MORE HE STARED AT THE SCREEN THIS TIME ANALYZING THE NEW WORD WHICH SEEMED JUST AS STRANGE AS THE ORIGINAL ONE FINALLY HE DELETED THE WHOLE SENTENCE AND STARTED ALL OVER EVERYONE KNOWS NO ZOO SHOULD BE WITHOUT A MONGOOSE HE TYPED PLEASED SEND TWO OF THEM<br /><br />10 WHAT DOES A EDUCATED OWL SAY<br />WHOM<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-3471014140613180933?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-55322818323660992132010-01-27T15:18:00.000-08:002010-01-27T15:24:18.499-08:00<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DK_icyFqI/AAAAAAAAAYI/t6zJtPM4ayc/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431564343536916130" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DK_icyFqI/AAAAAAAAAYI/t6zJtPM4ayc/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DK0nxwBNI/AAAAAAAAAYA/P9cJRE9eE3I/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431564155988477138" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DK0nxwBNI/AAAAAAAAAYA/P9cJRE9eE3I/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DKmvCBxOI/AAAAAAAAAX4/rTFHpZOYAf0/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431563917417628898" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DKmvCBxOI/AAAAAAAAAX4/rTFHpZOYAf0/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DKYyuNVGI/AAAAAAAAAXw/dO0MwBW4fVo/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431563677890073698" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DKYyuNVGI/AAAAAAAAAXw/dO0MwBW4fVo/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DKGFznzsI/AAAAAAAAAXo/SK2yfxBcWsU/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431563356595539650" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DKGFznzsI/AAAAAAAAAXo/SK2yfxBcWsU/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5532281832366099213?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-72994110191604803762010-01-27T15:07:00.000-08:002010-01-27T15:18:53.102-08:00<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DJkwaVjkI/AAAAAAAAAXg/hcq9gZ4n854/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431562783916658242" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DJkwaVjkI/AAAAAAAAAXg/hcq9gZ4n854/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DJZK8H5uI/AAAAAAAAAXY/3feVD94_ZE4/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431562584879261410" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DJZK8H5uI/AAAAAAAAAXY/3feVD94_ZE4/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DJJzxTRNI/AAAAAAAAAXQ/4SpdtYGbACg/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431562320961815762" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DJJzxTRNI/AAAAAAAAAXQ/4SpdtYGbACg/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DI_IWMVfI/AAAAAAAAAXI/-VkXhVvf1GQ/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431562137506698738" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DI_IWMVfI/AAAAAAAAAXI/-VkXhVvf1GQ/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIrAUs-9I/AAAAAAAAAXA/70o8xMN5iA4/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431561791755582418" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIrAUs-9I/AAAAAAAAAXA/70o8xMN5iA4/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIffVXzYI/AAAAAAAAAW4/WkQ27yHElZU/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431561593921457538" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIffVXzYI/AAAAAAAAAW4/WkQ27yHElZU/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIQIN4JBI/AAAAAAAAAWw/3eJ3v524rYk/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431561330017969170" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIQIN4JBI/AAAAAAAAAWw/3eJ3v524rYk/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIDCGPixI/AAAAAAAAAWo/zA15XGReeaU/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431561105037036306" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DIDCGPixI/AAAAAAAAAWo/zA15XGReeaU/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DH3Q82DpI/AAAAAAAAAWg/YeCpjEGNS8M/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431560902865718930" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DH3Q82DpI/AAAAAAAAAWg/YeCpjEGNS8M/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DHkyx0dII/AAAAAAAAAWY/5DNY_DNAUDY/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431560585528767618" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DHkyx0dII/AAAAAAAAAWY/5DNY_DNAUDY/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DHPL5u2uI/AAAAAAAAAWQ/Zb37ojGGL1w/s1600-h/item.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431560214315719394" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7DiuaLrEDos/S2DHPL5u2uI/AAAAAAAAAWQ/Zb37ojGGL1w/s320/item.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7299411019160480376?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-76607994069257222722009-12-22T15:49:00.000-08:002009-12-22T15:53:08.775-08:00A DUCK WADDLED INTO A COUNTRY GROCERY STORE AND ASKED THE CLERK DO YOU SELL DUCK FOOD HERE OF COURSE NOT REPLIED THE CLERK WE SELL GROCERIES TO PEOPLE NOT DUCKS THE NEXT DAY THE DUCK RETURN AND ASKED THE CLERK DO YOU SELL DUCK FOOD ANNOYED THE CLERK SNAPPED NO NO DUCK FOOD WHEN THE DUCK RETURNED THE NEXT DAY AND POSED THE SAME QUESTION THE CLERK TOLD HIM<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7660799406925722272?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-80625853464638903242009-12-22T15:37:00.000-08:002009-12-22T15:49:37.753-08:001. A YOUNG MAGICIAN STARTED TO WORK ON A CRUISE SHIP WITH HIS PET PARROT THE PARRROT WOULD ALWAYS STEAL HIS ACT BY SAYING THINGS LIKE THE CARD WAS UP HIS SLEEVE OR THE DOVE WAS IN HIS POCKET ONE DAY THE SHIP SANK AND THE MAGICIAN AND THE PARROT FOUND THEMSELVES ADRIFT ALONE ON A LIFEBOAT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS THEY JUST SAT THERE LOOKING AT THE EACH OTHER FINALLY THE PARROT BROKE THE SILENCE AND SAID OKAY I GIVE UP WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE SHIP<br /><br />2 WHAT IS A OWL'S FAVORITE MYSTERY<br />A WHOO DUNIT<br /><br />3 HOW TO BABY BIRDS LEARN TO FLY<br />THEY WING IT<br /><br />4 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT FIVE DUCKS IN A BOX<br />A BOX OF QUAKERS<br /><br />5 WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE THROWS A GOOSE AT YOU<br />DUCK<br /><br />6 WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE THROW A DUCK AT A DUCK<br />DUCK DUCK<br /><br />7 WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE THROWS A GOOSE AT A DUCK<br />DUCK DUCK GOOSE<br /><br />8 SHOW ME AN OWL WITH LARYNGITIS ANBD I'LL GIVE YOU A BIRD THAT DOSEN'T GIVE A HOOT<br /><br />9 WHY DID THE STORK STAND ON ONE LEG<br />BECAUSE IF HE LIFTED THE OTHER LEG HE'D FALL<br /><br />10 TWO VULTRES WERE IN THE DESERT EATING A DEAD CLOWN THE FIRST THINK ASKS THE SECOND VULTURE DOES THIS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8062585346463890324?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-16429865782958130022009-12-22T14:19:00.000-08:002009-12-22T15:37:00.180-08:001. DAVID GOT A PARROT FOR HIS BIRHTDAY THIS PARROT WAS FULLY GROWN WITH A BAD ATTITUDE AND A DREADFUL VOCABULARY EVERY OTHER WORD WAS NAUGHTY OR RUDE DAVID TRIED VERY HARD TO CHANGE THE BIRD'S MANNERS DAVID WOULD ALWAYS SAY POLITE WORDS PLAY SOFT MUSIC ANYTHING HE COULD POSSIBLY THINK OF TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE HE YELLED AT THE BIRD AND THE BIRD GIOT WORSE HE SHOOK THE BIRD AND THE BIRD GOT ANGTRIER AND MORE RUDE ONE DAY DAVID FELT SO DESPERATE THAT HE PICKED THE BIRD UP AND PUT IN THE FREEZER FOR A FEW MINUTES HE HEARD THE BIRD SQUAKING AND FLAPPING THEN SUDDENLY EVERYTHING WAS QUIET DAVI WAS WORRIED THAT HE MIGHT HAVE HURT THE BIRD AND QUICKLY OPEN THE FREEZER DOOR THE PARROT CALMY6 STEPPED OUT ONTO DAVID'S ARM AND SAID I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVE OFFENDED YOU WITH MY LANGUAGE AND ACTIONS AND I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS I WILL TRY TO CORRECT MY BEHAVIOR DAVID WAS AMAZED AT THE GREAT CHANGE IN THE BIRD AND WAS ABOUT TO ASK WHAT HAD CAUSED IT WHEN THE PARROT CONTINUED MAY I ASK WHAT THE CHCKEN DID<br /><br />2 A LADY WENT TO A PET SHOP I WOULD LIKE TO BUY TWO YELLOW CANARIES SHE TOLD THE OWNER I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE ANY CANARIES BUT WE HAVE THESE THE OWNER SAID AS HE SHOWED THE LADY SOME PALE GREEN PARAKEETS THAT ISN'T WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR THE LADY STATED BUT THE PERSISTENT PET STORE OWNER REFUSED TO GIVVE UP HE SAID JUST THINK OF THEM AS YELLOW CANARIES THAT AREN'T QUITE RIPE YET<br /><br />3 A PASTOR AND A DEACON VISITED A HOUSE TO CALL ON A PARISHONIER THEY KNOCKED AND A SMALL VOICE SAID COME IN THEY WENT IN BUT ALTHOUGH THEY FOUND NO ONE THERE THEY DID FIND TWO BIG DOBERMAN DOGS POISED TO ATTACK THEM THEY SAID HELLO IS ANYONE HERE AND THE VOICE OF THE LITTLE OLD LADY SAID COME IN IT SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS COMING FORM THE KITCHEN SO THEY WENT SO THEY WENT IN THAT DIRECTION THEY CAMED UPON A PARROT WHICH WAS REPEATEDLY SAYING COME IN COME COME IN THE PASTOR SAID YOU SILL OLD PARROT IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY WITH THE SAME SMALL VOICE THE PARROT SAID SIC THEM<br /><br />4 N AFFLUENT MAN PAID TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A EXOCTIC BIRD FOR HIS MOTHER HOW DID YOU LIKE THE BIRD SHE RESPONDED IT WAS DELICOUS<br /><br />5 A LADY WAS WALKING PAST A PET STORE WHEN A PARROT SAID HEY LADY YOU'RE REALLY UGLY THE LADY WAS ANGRY BUT CONTINUED ON HER WAY ON THE WAY HOME SHE PASSED BY THE PET STORE AND THE PARROT ONCE MORE SAID HEY LAD YO'RE REALLY UGLY SHE WAS ENRAGED NOW SO SHE WENT INTO THE PET STORE AND SAID THAT SHE WANTED THAT BIRD DISPOSED OF THE STORE MANAGER APOLIGEZED PROFUSELY AND PROMISED HE WOULD MAKE THE SURE THE PARROT DID'N'T SAY IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY SHE DELIBERATELY PASSED BY THE PET STORE TO TEST THE PARROT HEY LADY IT YES YOU KNOW<br /><br />6 MRS PETERSON PHONED THE REPAIRMAN BECAUSE HER DISHWASHER STOPPED WORKING HE COULDN'T ACCOMODATE HER WITH WITH AN AFTER HOURS APPOINTMENT AND SINCE SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK SHE TOLD HIM I'LL LEAVE THE KEY UNDER THE DOORMAT PLEAE REPAIR THE DISHWATER LEAVE THE BILL ON THE COUNTER AND I WILL MAIL THE YOU A CHECK BY THE WAY I HAVE A LARGE ROTWEILER NAME KILLER HE WON'T BOTHER YOU I ALSO HAVE A PARROT AND WHATEVER YOU DO MAKE CERTAIN YOU DO NOT TALK TO THE BIRD WELL SURE ENOUGH THE DOG KILLER TOTALLY IGNORED THE REPAIRMAN BUT THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS THERE THE PARROT YELLED AND SCREAMED ABOUT DRIVING CRAZY AS HE WAS READY TO LEAVE HE JUST COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF HE LOOKED AT THE BIRD AND SAID YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME ALL MORNING BE QUIET TO WHICH THE BIRD REPLIED KILLER GET HIM<br /><br />7 LADY WA EXPECTING THE PLUMBER HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME AT TENO CLOCK TEN O CLOCK CAME AND WENT NO PLUMBER ELVEN O CLOCK TWELVE O CLOCK ONE O CLOCK NO PLUMBER SHE CONCLUDED HE WASN'T COMING AND WENT OUT TO DO SOME ERRANDS WHILE SHE WAS GONE THE PLUMBER ARRIVED HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR THE WOMA'N'S PARROT ASKED WHO IS IT HE REPLIED ITS THE PLUMBER HE STOOD WAITING FOR THE LADY TO LET HIM IN WHEN SHE DIDN'T HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER HE WAITED AND AGAIN THE LADY DIDN'T COME TO LET HIM IN HE KNOCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO I IT HE SAID ITS THE PLUMBER AGAIN HE WAITED SHE DIDN'T COME AGAIN HE KNOCKED AGAIN THE PARROT SAID WHO IS IT AARRRGGGHHHE HE SAID IN FRUSTRAITON HE BANGED AGAINST THE DOOR WHICH CAUSED HIM TO PASS OUT AND FALL IN THE DOORWAY THE LADY CAME HOME FROM HER ERRAND ONLY TO SEE A MAN LYING AT THE DOOR WHO IS IT SHE WONDERED AT LOUD THE PARROT SAID ITS THE PLUMBER<br /><br />8 ONE DAY A MAN WENT TO AN AUCTION WHILE THERE HE DECIDED TO BID ON A PARROT HE REALLY WANTED THIS BIRD AND HE CAUGHT UP IN THE BIDDING HE KEPT INCREASING THE BID BUT KEPT GETTING OUT BID SO HE BID HIGHER AND HIGHER FINALLY AFTER HE BID MUCH HIGHER THAN HE INTENDED HE WON THE BID AND THE BIRD WAS HIS AT LAST AS HE WAS PAYING FOR THE PARROT HE SAID TO THE AUCTIONEER I CERTAINLY HPE THIS PARROT CAN TALK I WOULD BE DEVASTATED TO HAVE PAID THIS MUCH FOR IT ONLY TO FIND OUT HAT HE ISN'T ABLE TO TALK OH HE CAN FOR SURE SAID THE AUCTINEER WHO DO YOU THNINK KEPT BIDDING AGAINST YOU<br /><br />9 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN A CANARY GETS CAUGHT IN A LAWNMOWER<br />SHREDDED TWEET<br /><br />10 ON REACHING HIS PLANE SEAT A MAN IS TAKEN ABACK TO SEE A PARROT STRAPPED IN THE SEAT NEXT TO HIS HE ASKED THE STWARDESS FOR A COFFE WHERE UPON THE PARROT SQUAKS AND GET ME A CHOCOLATE MILK NOW THE STEWARDESS FLUSTERED BRINGS BACK A CHOCOLATE MILK FOR THE PARROT AND FORGETS ALL ABOUT THE COFFE THE MAN REMINDS HER OF THE COFFEE WHILE THE PARROT EMPTIES ITS GLASS AND SQUAWKS AND AND GET ME ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK YOU SLOWPOKE QUITE UPSET THE THE POOR GIRL COMES BACK SHAKING WITH ANOTHER CHOCOLATE MILK BUT STILL NO COFFE UNACCUSTOMED TO SUCH POOR SERVICE THE MAN TRIES THE PARROT APPROACH I'VE ASKED YOU TWICE FOR A COFFEE GO AND GET IT NOW OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU LOOSE YOUR JOB IN AN INSTANT BOTH HE AND THE PARROT HAVE BEEN PICKED UP AND THROWN OUT OF THE EMERGENCY EXIT BY TWO STRONG STEWARDS AS THY PLUNGE DOWNWARD THE PARROT TURNS TO THE MAN AND SAYS FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN'T FLY YOU'VE SURE GOT AN ATTITUDE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1642986578295813002?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-79615298516696830442009-12-13T12:37:00.000-08:002009-12-13T13:10:25.523-08:001. A MAN BOUGHT A PARROT AND FOR TWENTY YEARS THE BIRD WAS SILENT NEVER UTTERING SUCH A WORD EVERY MORNING THE PARROT WOULD WAKE UP STAND PATIENTLY ON ITS PERCH AND WAIT FOR ITS OWNER TO COME AND FEED IT ONE MORNING THE MAN OVERSLEPT USING ITS BEAK THE PARROT PRIED THE CAGE DOOR OPEN FLEW OUT AND PERCHED ON THE MAN'S HEAD PECKING ITS OWNER'S NOSE THE PARROT SQUAK AND SAID EXCUSE ME BUT IT'S ALMOST NOON AND I'M FAMISHED THE MAN SAT UPRIGT POLLY YOU CAN TALK OF COURSE I CAN TALK SAID THE PARROT THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU SAID ANYTHING FOR TWENTY YEARS ASKED THE MAN BECAUSE UP UNTIL NOW REPLIED THE PARROT THE SERVICE HAS BEEN EXCELLENT<br /><br />2 A LADY GOES INTO A PET STORE ONE DAY I'M QUITE LONELY SHE SAYS TO THE CLERK I NEED A PET TO KEEP ME COMPANY WELL REPLIES THE CLERK HOW ABOUT THIS NICE PARROT HE'LL TALK TO YOU THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED SAYS THE LADY SHE BUYS THE PARROT AND TAKES HIM HOME THE NEXT DAY THE LADY COMES BACK TO THE PET STORE THAT PARROT ISN'T TALKING TO ME YET SHE SAYS HMM LET'S SEE SAYS THE CLERK I KNOW YOU CAN BUY THIS LITTLE LADDER FOR HIS CAGE HE'LL CLIMB THE LADDER AND THEN HE'LL TAL TO YOU SO SHE HEADS HOME WITH A NEWLY PURCHASED LADDER THE NEXT DAY SHE COMES BACK AGAIN HEY THAT PARROT STILL HASN'T SAID A WORD SHE SAYS TO THE PET STORE CLERK HE THINKS A MINUTE HOW ABOUT THIS LITTLE MIRROR YOU HANG IT AT THE TOP OF THE LADDER THE PARROT WILL CLIMB THE LADDER LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND THEN HE'LL TALK TO YOU OKAY SHE SAYS AND BUYS THE MIRROR BUT THE NEXT DAY THE LADY IS BACK IN THE SHOP I MUST ADMIT I'M GETTING A BIT DISCOURGAGED SHE SAYS THAT PARROT STILL WON'T TALK TO ME THE CLERK SCRATCHES HIS HEAD LET ME THINK HERE TRY THIS BELL YOU HANG OVER THE MIRROR THE PARROT WILL CLIMB THE LADDER LOOK IN THE MIRROR RING THE BELL AND THEN HE WILL SURELY TALK TO YOU ALRIGHT I'LL GIVE IT A TRY SAYS THE LADY AND SHE BUYS THE BELL AND TAKES IT HOME THE NEXT DAY THE SAME LADY COMES BACK TO THE PET SHOP AND SHE IS VERY DISTRESSED WHAT'S WRONG ASKS THE CLERK MY PARROT WELL HE DIED SHE ANSWER SADLY OH NO I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS SAID THE CLERK BUT I MUST ASK YOU DID THE PARROT EVER SAY ANYTHING TO YOU OH YES HE DID SAY ONE THING RIGHT BEFORE HE DIED SHE REPLIES WELL WHAT DID HE SAY ASKS THE CLERK THE LADY REPLIES DOSEN'T THAT STORE CARRY ANY FOOD<br /><br />\<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7961529851669683044?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-81437106096914330352009-12-12T08:41:00.000-08:002009-12-13T09:56:01.859-08:001. WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A GRIZZLY BEAR AND A HARP<br /><br />A BEAR FACED LYRE<br /><br /><br /><br />2 TWO CAMPERS ARE HIKING IN THE WOODS WHEN SUDDENLY A BEAR STARTS CHASING THEM BOTH CAMPERS START RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES WHEN ONE OF THEM STOPS AND STARTS TO PUT ON HIS RUNNING SHOES HIS BUDDY SAYS WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CAN OUT RUN A BEAR HIS FRIEND REPLIES I DON'T HAVE TO OUTTRUN THE BEAR I ONLY HAVE TO OUT RUN YOU<br /><br /><br /><br />3 WHAT KIND OF BEE IS ALWAYS DROPPING THE FOOTBALL<br /><br />A FUMBLE BEE<br /><br /><br /><br />4 WHAT DO YOU CALL A BEE THAT HUMS VERY QUIETLY<br /><br />A MUMBLEBEE<br /><br /><br /><br />5 WHY DO BEES HUM<br /><br />BECAUSE THEY CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS<br /><br /><br /><br />6 WHAT IS ANOTHER NAME FOR A BUNCH OF BEES<br /><br />A GOOD REPORT CARD<br /><br /><br /><br />7 HOW DOES A BEE GET TO SCHOOL<br /><br />IT TAKES THE BUZZ<br /><br /><br /><br />8 WHAT DO BEE DO WITH HONEY THEY MAKE<br /><br />CELL IT<br /><br /><br /><br />9 WHAT GOES ZZUB ZZUB ZZUB<br /><br />A BEE FLYING BACKWARDS<br /><br />1o WHAT DO BEES DO IF THEY WANT TO USE PUBLIC TRANSPORT<br />THEY WAIT AT A BUZZ STOP<br /><br />11 WHT DOES A BEE GET AT MCDONALDS<br />A HUMBUGER<br /><br />12 WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A BEE WITH A DOORBELL<br />A HUM DINGER<br /><br />13 GARY SHOW OFF HIS SINGING PARROT TO HIS FRIEND KEN IF YOU PULL HIS RIGHT LEG HE'LL SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAID GARY IF YO PULL HIS LEFT LEG HE'LL SING THE STARBANGLED BANNER WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU PULL BOTH LEGS KEN SAID SQUAK SAID THE PARROT I FALL OF THE PERCH<br /><br />14 A WOMAN WENT TO THE PET SHOP TO BUY A PARROT WHEN SHE PICKED OUT A RARE BREED THE OWNER CONGRATULTED HER ON HER CHOICE IF YOU LIKE I COULD SEND YOU THE BILL AT THE END OF THE MONTH SAID THE PETSHOP OWNER NO THANKS SAID THE WOMAN I LIKE TO TAKE THE WHOLE BIRD TODAY<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8143710609691433035?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-91222022233126055672009-11-21T16:03:00.000-08:002009-11-21T16:28:54.840-08:001 two easterners were hunting in the rocky mountain wilderness when a huge grizly bear sprang onto their path reared up and roared one hunter was terrified the other kept his presence of mind and calmly instructed don't move a muscle just stand like a statue and the bear will go away hhow do you know i read it in a book in the lewis and clark expedition they both stood motionless the bear didn't go away but instead drew closer and roared moore furiously iii think the bear mut've read the samebook stammered the scared hunter.<br /><br />2 where do polar bears vote<br />the north poll<br /><br />3 what do paddington bear and winne the pooh pack for their holidays<br />the bear essentails<br /><br />4 its a sunny morning in the big forest and the bear family is just waking up baby bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table he looks into his small bowl its empty who's been eating my poridige he squeaks daddy bear comes to the table and sits in his big chair iits also empty who's been eating my poridge he roars mommy bear calls from the kitchen how many times do we have to go through this it was mommy bear who got up first it was mommy bear who woke everbody up it was mommy bear who unloaded the dishwater it was mommy bear who went out to get the newspaper it was momy bear who set the table it mommy bear who put the cat out cleaned the litter box and filled the cat;s water and food dish and now that you've finally decided to come downstairs and start your day listen well because i'm only going to say this one time i haven't had time to make poridge yet<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-9122202223312605567?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-51374177039949158912009-11-16T15:22:00.000-08:002009-11-16T16:24:27.035-08:001. where do polar bears like to vacation<br />brrrr muda<br /><br />2 what time is it when five grizzly bears are chasing you<br />five after one<br /><br />3 what do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth<br />a gummy bear<br /><br /> 4 how do bears walk around<br />with bear feet<br /><br />5 bob i thought you were going bear hunting bill i was but i only made as far as the highway bob what happen well bill i saw a road sign that said bear left so i came home<br /><br />6 hunter 1 look here some bear tracks hunter 2 great i'll go sw where he came from and you go see where he went<br /><br />7 what a bear's favorite drink<br />koka kola<br /><br />8 two men went out to hunt bear on opening morning a light snow fell and one stay in the cabin while the other one went hunting he soon found a huge grizzly shot at it but merely wounded it the infuriated bear charged toward him he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could he ran fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with everystep just as he reached the open cabin door he tripped and fell too close behind him to stop the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin the man jumped up closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside you skin this one and i'll go get another one<br /><br />9 what do you call a bear that whines<br />whiny the pooh<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5137417703994915891?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-12062598913575528662009-11-15T14:28:00.000-08:002009-11-15T14:52:05.504-08:001. what do you call a sick alligator<br />an illigator<br /><br />2 what do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower<br />i don't know but i'm not going to smell it<br /><br />3 there once was a lazy alligator that roamed the banks of the river whenever a boat pass him those on board would be sure to keep their hands inside the vessel because it was known that he was always looking for a hand out<br /><br />4 what do you get if you cross a snowman with an alligator<br />frost bite<br /><br />5 once there was a millonaire who had a collection of alligators he kept them in the pool behind his mansion the millonaire also had a very beautiful daughter who was single one day he decided to throw a huge party and during the course of the party he announced ladies and gentlemen i have a propostion for every man here i will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool of alligators and emerged alive as soon as he finished there was a large splash there was one man in the pool swimming with all his might and screaming in fear the crowd cheered him on as he kept sprinting through the water finally he he jumped out on the other side with only a torn shirt and several minor injuries the milllonaire was awestruck he said sir that was amazing i didn't think it could be done but i must keep my end of the bargain do you want my daughter r the millions dollars the guy answer i don't want you money or your daugher i just want the person who pushed me into the water<br /><br /><br />6 where do ants go on vacation<br />frants<br /><br />7 what do you call a 100 year old ant<br />an antique<br /><br />8 teacher boys and girls there is a wonderful example in the life of the ant everydaya the ant goes work and works all day long every day the ant is busy and in the end what happens<br />john some one steps on him<br /><br />9 what kind of ant is good at math<br />an accountant<br /><br />10 a golfing duffer cringed when his drive landed in a anthill chosing a sand wedge he postioned himself and swung at the half burried ball sand and ants flew the ball hadn't moved again the novice braced and swung again the anthill was devasted but the bal lay unmoved among the panic ant stricken colony one ant yelled to his friend come on that big white ball seems to a pretty safle place<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1206259891357552866?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-21191586257528975872009-10-22T15:56:00.001-07:002009-10-22T15:56:50.304-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*ODMwNjk1NTQ1MyZwdD*xMjQ4MzA2OTk3Nzk2JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 3 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) hippos have a unique cooling system they sweat blood </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910221831307153&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910221831307153&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img 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</table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910221831307153&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910221831307153&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2119158625752897587?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-64906575503483297272009-10-21T16:40:00.001-07:002009-10-21T16:40:02.624-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*ODIyMzEwNDg1OSZwdD*xMjQ4MjIzMTkyOTA2JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 2 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) elzabeth taylor once said divorce is a game played by lawyers </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211913508271&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211913508271&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211913508271&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211913508271&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211913508271&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211913508271&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910211913508271&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6490657550348329727?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-44594372074371163902009-10-21T16:13:00.001-07:002009-10-21T16:13:45.209-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*ODIyMTU2ODUzMSZwdD*xMjQ4MjIxNjEyMTg3JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 1 sorry to repeat questions </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) james buhanan is the only us president who never married </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211858511843&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211858511843&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211858511843&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211858511843&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211858511843&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910211858511843&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910211858511843&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4459437207437116390?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-76193319621274569312009-10-16T09:01:00.001-07:002009-10-16T09:01:58.565-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*Nzc2MzY2NjU*NiZwdD*xMjQ3NzYzNzA2OTY4JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 6 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) it is consider bad luck to mention the play mcbeth by name in a theater </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910161105126232&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910161105126232&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910161105126232&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910161105126232&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910161105126232&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910161105126232&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910161105126232&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7619331962127456931?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-77809601349512080182009-10-15T16:06:00.001-07:002009-10-15T16:06:10.840-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzcwMjcxMTYwOSZwdD*xMjQ3NzAyNzYwNzgxJnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 5 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) the condor not the vulture is the largest flying bird </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151852399949&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151852399949&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151852399949&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151852399949&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151852399949&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151852399949&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910151852399949&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7780960134951208018?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-34394206873080580962009-10-15T15:52:00.001-07:002009-10-15T15:52:30.536-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzcwMTg5MjI2NSZwdD*xMjQ3NzAxOTM5MzQzJnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 4 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) ufology is the study if unidentified flying objects </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151803091359&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151803091359&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151803091359&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151803091359&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151803091359&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151803091359&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910151803091359&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-3439420687308058096?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-29187085844524187252009-10-15T15:02:00.001-07:002009-10-15T15:02:37.347-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzY5ODc5MjQ2OCZwdD*xMjQ3Njk4OTQ2NTYyJnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 3 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) the aston martin car is named after its two designers </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151736428112&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151736428112&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151736428112&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151736428112&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151736428112&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151736428112&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910151736428112&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2918708584452418725?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-76627749919877459192009-10-15T14:16:00.001-07:002009-10-15T14:16:14.228-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzY5NjEyNzA3OCZwdD*xMjQ3Njk2MTYzOTg*JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 2 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) st luke is the patron saint of artists doctors and surgeons </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151642541622&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151642541622&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151642541622&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151642541622&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151642541622&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151642541622&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910151642541622&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7662774991987745919?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-44215092757866947862009-10-15T13:42:00.001-07:002009-10-15T13:42:44.490-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzY5NDExMjE1NiZwdD*xMjQ3Njk*MTUzNTkzJnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap quiz 1 i am starting typing again</b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) the name rose come from n old german derived from the worddddd horse </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151628186575&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151628186575&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151628186575&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151628186575&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151628186575&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910151628186575&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910151628186575&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4421509275786694786?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-88254327258631078932009-10-14T16:41:00.001-07:002009-10-14T16:41:58.483-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzYxODQ2MjU3OCZwdD*xMjQ3NjE4NTA3MTA5JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b></b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8825432725863107893?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-44137676302780245362009-10-14T09:38:00.001-07:002009-10-14T09:38:46.046-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzU5MzA3Mjc1MCZwdD*xMjQ3NTkzMTE1MzkwJnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 6 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) the champion racehorse shergar was kidnapped by ira terrorists in 19 83 </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141202501732&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141202501732&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141202501732&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141202501732&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141202501732&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141202501732&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910141202501732&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4413767630278024536?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-17411187575380939162009-10-14T09:02:00.001-07:002009-10-14T09:02:16.704-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzU5MDgwNTI2NSZwdD*xMjQ3NTkwOTI2ODc1JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap</b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) before he was james bond sean connery taught fly fishing </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141133059714&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141133059714&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141133059714&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141133059714&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141133059714&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910141133059714&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910141133059714&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1741118757538093916?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-74021207884930064632009-10-13T16:15:00.001-07:002009-10-13T16:15:09.565-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzUzMDM5NTAxNSZwdD*xMjQ3NTMwNDk5NzgxJnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 4 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) etiquette states that you only use a consomme bowl for clear soups </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131849497903&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131849497903&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131849497903&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131849497903&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131849497903&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131849497903&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910131849497903&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7402120788493006463?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-63239923345785106772009-10-13T12:30:00.001-07:002009-10-13T12:30:23.556-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzUxNjkzNTk4NCZwdD*xMjQ3NTE3MDE*MTU2JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 3 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) herbie the love bug was the first car to be issued an american passport </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131457493094&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131457493094&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131457493094&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131457493094&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131457493094&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131457493094&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910131457493094&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6323992334578510677?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-40497752797106598632009-10-13T11:57:00.001-07:002009-10-13T11:57:04.614-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzUxNDk3MTg3NSZwdD*xMjQ3NTE1MDE*NTQ2JnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap 2 </b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) singer boy george 's previous stage name was lieutenant lush </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131437015717&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131437015717&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131437015717&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131437015717&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131437015717&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131437015717&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910131437015717&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4049775279710659863?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-66070153610580532032009-10-13T11:36:00.001-07:002009-10-13T11:36:30.419-07:00<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI*NzUxMzYyMjg5MCZwdD*xMjQ3NTEzNzgxMTQwJnA9MjA*NDMxJmQ9UVlGJm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz1hMDc4NmY3MmIyNTE*YzA3OTljOGIzZTNmNmZmZTQ3YSZvZj*w.gif" /> <table width='340' height='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td style='background-image:url(http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/postit-profile2.gif); background-position:top; background-position:left; background-repeat:no-repeat; height:340px;' valign='top'> <table width='340' height='337' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'> <tr> <td width='31' height='65'> </td> <td width='290'> </td> <td width='19'> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> </td> <td valign='top'> <table width='273' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><b>fact or crap</b></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan='3' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>1) twelve astronauts died when the challenger space shuttle exploded in 1986 </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131421273912&a=2' target='_blank'>fact </a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131421273912&a=2' target='_blank'>crap</a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131421273912&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr> <td width='6' align='left'> </td> <td width='14' align='left'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/ball_tiny.gif' width='14' height='14' border='0' /></td> <td width='217' align='left'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131421273912&a=2' target='_blank'></a></font></td> </tr> <tr><td colspan='3' align='center'><font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='3'><a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131421273912&a=2' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.quizsoupimages.com/quizyourfriends/take-quiz.gif' border='0' /></a></font></td> </tr> </table> </td> <td> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> <table width='340' height='60' bordercolor='#50577d' border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td height='60' align='center'> <table width='340' border='0' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='4'> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'>Powered By: </font> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'><strong><font color='#FF7F13'>QUIZ</font><font color='#50577d'>YOUR</font><font color='#FF7F13'>FRIENDS</font><font color='#50577d'>.com</font></strong></font> </div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align='center'> <div align='center'> <font face='Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif' size='2'> <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com' target='_blank'>Make A Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0910131421273912&a=2' target='_blank'>Take This Quiz</a> - <a href='http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quiz-scoreboard.php?id=0910131421273912&' target='_blank'>View Scoreboard</a> <br /> </font> </div> </td> </tr> </table> </td></tr></table> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6607015361058053203?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-76564847412250680052009-08-22T09:09:00.000-07:002009-08-22T14:09:32.373-07:00GORDON B HINCKLEY 15TH PRESIDENT OF THE CHURCH PASSED AWAY ON JANUARY 27 2008 HE WAS 97 YEARS THE OLDEST MAN EVER TO SERVE AS PRESIDENT AND YET HE NEVER FORGOT WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE A CHILD<br /><br /><br /><br />PRESIDENT HINCKLEY WAS BORN ON JUNE 23 1910 IN SALT LAKE CITY UTAH AS A BOY HE PRAYED NEXT TO HIS BED EACH NIGHT HE LATER RECALLED JUMPING INTO MY BED AFTER I HAD SAID AMEN PULLING THE COVERS UP AROUND MY NECK AND THINKING OF WHAT I HAD JUST DONE IN SPEAKING TO MY FATHER IN HEAVEN IN THE NAME OF HIS SON I DID NOT HAVE A GREAT KNOWLEDGE OF THE GOSPEL BUT THERE WAS SOME KIND OF LINGERING PEACE AND SECURITY IN COMMUNING WITH THE HEAVENS IN AND THROUGH THE LORD JESUS YOUNG GORDON WAS A GOOD BOY BUT HE WAS'T PERFECT ONCE HIS MOTHER WASH HIS MOUTH WITH SOAP FOR USING A BAD WORD A WORD HE NEVER USED AGAIN GORDON SUFFERED FROM ASTHMA SO HIS FATHER BOUGHT A SMALL FARM IN THE COUNTRYSIDE WHERE HE COULD BREATHE CLEAN AIR DURING SUMMER VACATION FROM SHOOL HE AND HIS BROTHER SERM WORKED HARD WEEDING THE GARDEN PICKING FRUIT AND DOING OTHER CHORES THE FUTURE PROPHET LEARNED THAT HARD WORK MUST COME BEFORE THE HARVEST EACH AFTER NOON THE BOYS PLAYED JUMPING OFF HAYSTACKS AND PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK EACH NIGHT THEY SLEPT IN A WAGON BOX UNDER THE STARS GORDON NOTED THAT WHILE THE OTHER STARS APPEARED TO MOVE THE NORTH STAR HELD IT POSITION THE POLAR STAR CAME TO MEAN SOMETHING TO ME HE LATER REPORTED I RECOGNIZED IT AS CONSTANT IN THE MIST OF CHANGE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT COULD ALWAYS BE COUNTED ON HE DETERMINED THAT HE TOO WOULD BE TRUSTWORTHY PRESIDENT HINCKLEY SERVED AS S AN ASSISTANT TO THE QUORM OF THE TWELVE A MEMBER OF THE QUORM OF THE TWELVE AND A COUNSLEY IN THE FIRST PRESIDENCY HE WAS ORDAINED AND SET APART AS PRESSIDET OF THE CHURCH ON MARCH 12 1995 PRESIDENT HINCKLEY WAS A HAPPY OPTIMISTIC MAN WHO BELIEVE THERE WAS A SPARK OF DIVINITY WITHIN ALL OF US HE CALLED ON US TO BE GRATEFUL SMART CLEA TRUE HUMBLE AND PRAYERFUL HE COUNSLED US TO STAND A LITTLE TALLER TO BE STRONG DECENT COURTEOUS AND ABOVE MORE CHRISTLIKE IN THE MIDST OF HIS MANY DUTIES PRESIDENT HICKLEY NEVER FORGOT THE CHILDREN E PROVED THAT HE CARED ABOUT YOU THROUGH HIS ACTIONS HE TRAVELED ALMOST A MILLION MILES TO VISIT YOUR COUNTRIES HE SPOKE TO YOU AND SHOOK YOUR HANDS HE INVITIED YOU TO JOIN HIM AS HONORED GUESTS TO HELP LAY TEMPLE CORNERSTONES WE KNOW THAT YOU LOVED PRESIDENT HINCKLEY AND THIS GOOD KIND MAN LOVE YOU HIS LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE A SHINING EXAMPLE FOR YOU TO FOLLOW.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7656484741225068005?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-50740056989547651532009-08-22T07:41:00.000-07:002009-08-22T08:01:00.019-07:00TORNADO SCARE BY HANNAH J AGE 6 GEOGIA<br />WHEN I GOT HOME FROM SCHOOL THERE WAS A TORNADO WATCH AND I CRIED BECAUSE I WAS SCARED I FELT THAT I SHOULD PRAY FOR THE PEOPLE NEAR THE TORNADOES AND FOR THE TORNADOES TO STOP COMING OUR WAY I STILL DIDN'T FEEL BETTER THEN MY MOM TOLD ME TO PRAY SO I PRAYEDIN MY MIND THAT I WOULD FEEL BETTER A LITTLE BIT LATER MY TEARS WENT AWAY WHEN MY DAD CAME HOME WE WATCHED THE NEWS AND THERE WERE NO TORNADOES COMING OUR WAY<br /><br />PRIESTHOOD HEALING BY PEYTON B AGE 7 VIRGINA<br />WHEN I WAS THREE YEARS OLD MY MOM WAS COOKING AND SET A CUP OF BOILING WATER ON THE COUNTER I GRABBED THE CUP AND ACCIDENTALLY SPILL IT ON MY TUMMY THE HOT WATER HURT MY SKIN AND I CRIED DAD GAVE ME A PRIESTHOOD BLESSING AND PRAYED THAT I WOULD BE HEALED THE NEXT MORNING I WOKE UP<br />AND THERE WAS ONLY A SMALL RED SPOT WHERE I HAD BEEN BURN SO BADLY I HAVE A TESTIMONY THAT THE POWER OF THE PRIESTHOOD HEALS<br /><br />GENERAL CONFERENCE CHARITY BY SARAH W AGE 8 IDAHO<br />FOR MY EIGHT BIRTHDAY MY DAD DECIDED TO TAKE ME TO GENERAL CONFERENCE HE TRIED REALLY HARD TO GET TICKETS BUT HE COULD' FIND ANY WE DECIDE TO JUST TRY AND GET TICKETS THE DAY OF CONENFERENCE BEFORE IT STARTED IT WAS POURING RAIN WE WERE ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY HAD ANY EXTRA TICKETS BUT NO ONE DID MY DAD ASK A MAN IF HE HAD ANY EXTRAS HE SAID HE DID'NT THEN HE TURN AROUND AND SAID ACTUALLY IA HAVE ONE EXTRA TICKET AND HE GAVE IT TO US THEN ANOTHER KIND WOMAN GAVE US A TICKET DURING CONFERENCE I FELT A GOOD FEELING INSIDE AFTERWARD MY DAD AND I SAID A PRAYER THANKING HEAVENLY FATHER FOR ALL THE SPECIAL THINGS HE DID FOR US THAT DAY<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5074005698954765153?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-76885866619542790472009-08-07T13:55:00.000-07:002009-08-07T14:18:46.056-07:001 THE LAKE OF DISMAL SWAMP<br />THEY MADE HER A GRAVE TOO COLD AND DAMP FOR A SOUL SO WARM AND TRUE AND SHE'S GONE TO THE LAKE OF DISMAL SWAMP WHERE ALL NIGHT LONG BY A FIREFLY LAMP SHE PADDLES HER WHITE CANOE AND HER FIREFLY LAMP I SOON WILL SEE AND HER PADDLE I SOON SHALL HEAR LONG AND LOVING OUR LIFE SHOULD BE AND I'LL HIDE THE MAID IN THE CYPRESS TREE WHEN THE FOOTSTEP OF DEATH IS NEAR AWAY TO DISMAL SWAMP HE SPEEDS HIS PATH WAS RUGGED AND SORE THROUGH TANGLED JUNIPER BEDS OF REEDS THROUH MANY A FEN WHERE THE SERPENT FEEDS AND MAN NEVER TROD BEFORE AND WHEN ON THE EARTH HE SANK TO SLEEP IF SLUMBER HIS EYELIDS KNEW HE LAY WHERE THE DEADLY VINE DOTH WEEP ITS VENMOUS TEAR AND NIGHTLY STEEP THE FLESH WITH BLISTERING DEW AND NEAR HIM THE SHE WOLF STIRR'D THE BRAKE AND THE COPPER SNAKE BREATHED IN HIS EAR TILL HE STARTING CRIED FROM HIS DREAM AWAKE OH WHEN SHALL I SEE THE DUSKY LAKE AND THE WHITE CANOE OF MY DEAR HE SAW THE LAKE A METOR BRIGHT QUICK OVER ITS SURFACE PLAY'D WELCOME HE SAID MY DEAR ONE'S LIGHT AND THE DIM SHORE ECHO'D FOR MANY A NIGHT THE NAME OF THE DEATH COLD MAID TIL HE HOLLOW'D A BOAT OF THE BIRCHEN BARK WHICH CARRIED HIM OFF FROM SHORE FAR FAR HE FOLLOW'D THE METOR SPARK THE WINDS WAS HIGH AND THE CLOUDS WERE DARK AND THE BOAT RETURN'D NO MORE BUT OFT FROM THE INDIAN HUNTER'S CAMP THIS LOVER AND MAID SO TRUE ARE SEEN AT THE HOUR OF MIDNIGHT DAMP TO CROSS THE LAKE BY A FIREFLY LAMP AND PADDLE THEIR WHITE CANOE THOMAS MOORE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-7688586661954279047?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-62320745270879139022009-08-07T13:28:00.000-07:002009-08-07T13:44:09.451-07:00this is really funny<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v52LfzUb_mY">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v52LfzUb_mY</a><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQGIR1TQhi4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQGIR1TQhi4</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6232074527087913902?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-42894333586963713512009-08-07T10:39:00.000-07:002009-08-07T11:11:27.284-07:001. TO ALTHEA FROM PRISON<br />WHEN LOVE WITH UNCONFINED WINGS HOVERS WITHIN MY GATES AND MY DIVINE ALTHEAA BRINGS TO WHISPER AT MY GRATES WHEN I LIE TANGLED IN HER HAIR AND FETTERED WITH HER EYE THE BIRDS THAT WANTON IN THE AIR KNOW NO SUCH LIBERTY WHEN FLOWING CUPS PASS SWIFTLY ROUND WITH NO ALLAYING THAMES OUR CARELESS HEADS WITH ROSES CROWNED OUR HEARTS WITH LOYAL FLAMES WHEN THIRSTY GRIEF IN WINE WE STEEP WHEN HEALTH AND DRAUGHTS GO FREE FISHES THAT TIPPLE IN THE DEEP KNOW NO SUCH LIBERY WHEN LINNET LIKE CONFINED WITH SRILLER THROAT SHALL SING THE MERCY SWEETNESS MAJESTY AND GLORIES OF MY KING WHEN I SHALL VOICE ALOUD HOW GOOD HE IS HOW GREAT SHOULD BE THE ENLARGED WINDS THAT CURL THE FLOOD KNOW NO SUCH LIBERY STONE WALLS DONOT A PRISON MAKE NO IRON BARS A CAGE MINDS INNONCENT AND QUIET TAKE THAT FOR AN HERMITAGE IF I HAD FREEDOM IN MY LOVE AND IN MY SOUL AM FREE ANGELS ALONE THAT SOAR ABOVE EJOY SUCH LIBERY RICHARD LOVELACE<br /><br />2 BELIEVE ME IF ALL THOSE ENDEARING YOUNG CHARMS<br />BELIEVE ME IF ALL THOSE ENDEARING YOUNG CHARMS WHICH I GAZW SO FONDLY TODAY WERE TO CHANGE BY TOMORROW AND FLEET IN MY ARMS LIKE FAIRY GIFTS FADING AWAY THOU WOULDST STILL BE ADORED AS THIS MOMENT THOU ART LET THY LOVELINESS FADE AS IT WILL AND AROUND THE DEAR RUIN EACH WISH OF MY HEART WOULD ENTWINE ITSELF VERDANTLY STILL IT IS NOT BEAUTY AND YOUTH ARE THINE OWN AND THY CHEEKS UNPROFANED BY A TEAR THAT THE FERVOR AND FAITH OF A SOUL MY BE KNOWN TO WHICH TIME WILL BUT MAKE THEE MORE DEAR NO THE HEART THAT HAS TRULY LOVED NEVVER FORGETS BUT AS TRULY LOVES ON TO THE CLOSE AS THE SUNFLOWER TURNS TO HER GOD WHEN HE SETS THE SAME LOOK WHICH SHE TURNED WHEN HE ROSE THOMAS MOORE<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4289433358696371351?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-57876747080883394102009-08-06T13:05:00.000-07:002009-08-06T13:43:23.131-07:001 JENNY KISSED ME BY LEIGH HUNT<br />JENNY KISSED ME WHEN WE MET JUMPING FROM THE CHAIR SHE SAT IN TIME YOU THIEF WHO LOVE TO GET SWEETS INTO YOUR LIST PUT THAT IN SAY I'M WEARY SAY I'M SAD SAY THAT HEALTH AND WEALTH HAVE MISSED ME SAY I'M GROWING OLD JENNY KISSED ME<br /><br />2 SAID THE ROSE BY GEORGE H MILES<br />I AM WEARY OF THE GARDEN SAID THE ROSE FOR THE WINTER WINDS ARE SIGHING ALL MY PLAYMATES ROUND ME DYING AND MY LEAVES WILL SOON BE LYING 'NEATH THE SNOW BUT I HEAR MY MISTRESS COMING SAID THE ROSE SHE WILL TAKE ME TO HER CHAMBER WHERE THE HONYSUCKLES CLAMBER AND I'LL BLOOM THERE ALL DECEMBER SPITE THE SNOWS SWEETER FELL HER LILY FINGER THAN THE BEE AH HOW FEEBLY I RESISTED SMOTHED MY THORNS AND EV'N ASSISTED AS ALL BLUSHING I WAS TWISTED OFF MY TREE AND SHE FIXED ME IN HER BOSOM LIKE A STAR AND I FLASHED THERE ALL THAT MORNING JASMIN HONEYSUCKLE SCORNING PARASITES FOREVER FAWNING THAT THEY ARE AND WHEN EVENING CAME SHE SET ME IN A VASE ALL OF RARE AND RADIANT METAL AND I FELT HER RED LIPS SETTLE O MY LEAVES TILL EACH PROUD PETAL TOUCHED HER FACE AND I SHONE ABOUT HER SLUMBERS LIKE A LIGHT AND I SAID INSTEAD OF WEEPING IN THE GARDEN VIGIL KEEPING HERE I WATCH MY MISTRESS SLEEPING EVERY NIGHT BUT WHEN MORNING WITH ITS SUNBEAMS SOFTLY SHONE IN THE MIRROR WHERE SHE BRAIDED HER BROWN HAIR I SAW HOW JADED OLD AND COLORLWSS AND FADED I HAD GROWN NOT A DROP OF DEW WAS ON ME FROM MY LEAVES NO ODOR STARTED ALL MY PEFUME HAD DEPARTED I LAY PALE AND BROKEN HEARTED IN THE SUN STILL I SAID HER SMILE IS BETTER THAN THE RAIN THOUGH MY FRAGANCE MAY FORSAKE ME TO HER BOSOM SHE WILL TAKE ME AND WITH CRIMSON KISSES MAKE ME YOUNG AGAIN SHE TOOK ME GAZED A SECOND HALF A SIGH THEN ALAS CAN HEARTS SO HARDEN WITHOUT EVER ASKING PARDON THREW ME BACK IN TO THE GARDEN THERE TO DIE HOW THE JEALOUS GARDEN GLORIED IN MY FALL HOW THE HONEYSUCKLE CHID ME HOW THE SNEERING JASMINS BID ME LIGHT THE LONG GRAY GRASS THAT HID ME LIKE A PALL THERE I LAY BENEATH HER WINDOW IN A SWOON TILL THE EARTHWORM O'ER ME TRAILING WOKE ME JUST AT TWILIGHT'S FALLING AS TO THE WHIP POOR WILL WAS WAILING TO THE MOON BUT I HEAR THE STORM WINDS STIRING IN THEIR LAIR AND I KNOW THEY SOON WILL LIFT ME IN THEIR GIANT ARMS AND SIFT ME INTO ASHES AS THEY DRIFT ME THROUGH THE AIR SO I PRAY THEM IN THEIR MERCY JUST TO TAKE FROM MY HEARTS OR NEAR IT THE LAST LEAVING LEAF AND BEAR IT TO HER FEET AND BID HER WEAR FOR MY SAKE<br /><br />3 WALK SLOWLY BY ADELAIDE LOVE<br />IF YOU SHOULD GO BEFORE ME DEAR WALK SLOWLY DOWN THE WAYS OF DEATH WELL WORN AND WIDE FOR I WOULD WANT TO OVERTAKE YOU QUICKLY AND SEEK THE JOURNEY'S ENDING BY YOUR SIDE I WOULD BE SO FORLORN NOT TO DESCRY YOU DOWN SOME SHINING HIGH ROAD WHEN I CAME WALK SLOWLY DEAR AND OFTEN LOOK BEHIND YOU AND PAUSE TO HEAR IF SOMEONE CALLS YOUR NAME<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5787674708088339410?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-13284698860492865492009-08-05T14:21:00.000-07:002009-08-05T14:43:04.856-07:001.A WOMAN'S LAST WORD BY ROBERT BROWNING<br />LET'S CONTEND NO MORE LOVE STRIVE NOR WEEP ALL BE AS BEFORE LOVE ONLY SLEEP WHAT SO WILD AS WORDS ARE I AND THOU IN DEBATE AS BIRDS ARE HAWK ON BOUGH SEE THE CREATURE STALKING WHILE WE SPEAK HUSH AN HIDE THE TALKING CHEEK ON CHEEK WHAT SO FALSE AS TRUTH IS FALSE TO THEE WHERE THE SERPNT'S TOOTH IS SHUN THE TREE WHERE THE APPLE REDDENS NEVER PRY LEST WE LOSE OUR EDENS EVE AND I BE A GOD AND HOLD ME WITH A CHARM BE A MAN AND FOLD ME WITH THINE ARM TEACH ME ONLY TEACH LOVE AS I OUGHT I WILL SPEAK THY SPEECH LOVE THINK THY THOUGHT MEET IF THOU REQUIRE IT BOTH DEMANDS LAYING FLESH AND SPIRIT IN THY HANDS THAT SHALL BE TOMORROW NOT TONIGHT I MUST BURY SORROW OUT OF SIGHT MUST A LITTLE WEEP MY LOVE FOOLISH ME AND SO FALL ASLEEP LOVE LOVED BY THEE<br /><br />2 SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY BY LORD BYRON<br />SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY LIKE THE NIGHT OF CLOUDLESS CLIMES AND STARRY SKIES AND ALL THAT'S BEST OF DARK AND BRIGHT MEETS IN HER ASPECT AND HER EYES THUS MELLOW'D TO THAT TENDER LIGHT WHICH HEAVEN TO GAUDY DAY DENIES ONE SHADE THE MORE ONE RAY THE LESS HAD HALF MPAIR'D THE NAMELESS GRACE WHICH WAVES IN EVEN RAVEN TRESS OR SOFTLY LIGHTENS O'ER HER FACE WHERE THOUGHTS SERENELY SWEET EXPRESS HOW PURE HOW DEAR THEIR DWELLING PLACE AND ON THAT CHEEK AND O'ER THAT BROW SO SOFT SO CALM YET ELOQUENT THE SMILES THAT WINS THE TINTS THAT GLOW BUT TELL OF DAYS IN GOODNESS SPENT A MIND AT PEACE WITH ALL BELOW A HEART WHOSE LOVE IS INNOCENT<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1328469886049286549?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-42842906538366633112009-08-04T17:34:00.001-07:002009-08-04T18:05:53.112-07:001. SONNET FROM THE PORTUGESE BY ELIZABETH BARRET BROWNING<br />FIRST TIME HE KISSED ME HE BUT ONLY KISS'D THE FINGER THIS HAND WHEREWITH I WRITE AND EVER SINCE IT GREW MORE CLEAN AND WHITE SLOW TI WORLD GREETING QUICK WITH ITS OH LIST WHEN THE ANGELS SPEAK A RING OF AMETHYST I COULD NOT HERE PLAINER TO MY SIGHT THAN THAT FIRST KISS THE SECOND PASS'D IN HEIGHT THE FIRST SOUGHT THE FOREHEAD AND HALF MISS'D HALF FALLING IB THE HAIR OH BEYOND MEED THAT WAS TGHE CHRISM OF LOVE WHICH LOVE'S OWN CROWN WITH SANCTIFYING SWEETNESS DID PRECEDE THE THIRD UPON MY LIPS WAS FOLDED DOWN IN PERFECT PURPLE STATE SINCE WHEN INDEED I HAVE BEEN PROUD AND SAID MY LOVE MY OWN<br /><br />2 A WOMAN'S SHORTCOMINGS BY ELIZABETH BARRET BROWN ING<br />SHE HAS LAUGHED AS SOFTLY AS IF SHE SIGHED SHE HAS COUNTED SIX AND OVER OF A PURSE WELL FILLED AND A HEART WELL TRIED OH EACH WORTHY HEY LOVER THEY GIVE HER TIME FOR HER SOUL MUST SLIP WHERE THE WORLD HAS SET THE GROOVING SHE WILL LIE TO NONE WITH HER FAIR RED LIP BUT LOVE SEEKS TRUER LOVING SJE TREMBLES HER FANS IN A SWEETNESS DUMB AS HER THOUGHTS WERE BEYOND RECALLING WITH A GLANCE FOR ONE AND A GLANCE FOR SOME FOR HER EYELIDS RISING AND FALLING SPEAKS COMMON WORDS WITH A LUSHFUL AI HEAR BOLD WORDS UN REPROVING BUT HER SILENCE SAYS WHAT SHE NEVER WILL SWEAR AND LOVES SEEKS BETTER LOVING GO LADY LEAN TO THE NIGHT GUITAR AND DROP A SMILE TO THE BRINGER THEN SMILE SWEETTLY WHEN HE IS A FAR AT THE VOICE OF AN INDOOR SINGER BASK TENERLY BENEATH TENDER EYES GLANCE LIGHTLY ON THEIR RREMOVING AND JOIN NEW VOWS TO OLD PERJURIES BUT DARE NOT Call IT LOVING UNLESS YOU CAN THINK WHEN THE SONG IS DONE NO OTHER IS SOFT IN THE RHYTHM UNLESS YOU CAN FEEL WHEN LEFT BY ONE THAT ALL MEN ELSE GO WITH HIM UNLESS YOU CAN KNOW WHEN UNPRAISED NY HIS BREATH THAT YOUR BEAUTY ITSELF WANT PROVINGG UNLESS YOU CAN SWEAR FOR LIFE OR DEATH OH FEAR TO CALL IT LOVING UNLESS YOU CAN MUSE IN A CROWD AL DAY ON THE ABSENT FACE THAT FIXED YOU UNLESS YOU CAN LOVE AS THE ANGELS MAY WITH THE BREADTH OF HEAVEN BETWIXT YOU UNLESS YOU CAN DREAM THAT HIS FAITH IS FAST THROUGH UNBEHOVING UNLESS YOU CAN DIE WHEN THE DREAM IS PAST O NEVER CALL IT LOVING<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4284290653836663311?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-19494072047177571122009-07-29T11:15:00.000-07:002009-07-29T14:05:03.716-07:001. You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey. TNR Surveillance will scramble. If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming, non-urgent.<br /><br />2 Theme music from James Bond: Hello. My name is David, code number 324-5628. I'm sorry I can't take your call, but I'm on an international mission involving the theft of gold plated Spam. Leave a message after the tone, and should I survive my mission, I'll call you back. Ciao babies!<br /><br />3 Clint Eastwood voice: Go ahead, make my day. Leave a message.<br /><br />4 To the Batmobile! Let's go! Atomic batteries to power! Turbines to speed! Roger, ready to move out! (Theme music from Batman; reduce to background.) As you can see, I'm off making Montreal a safer place' to live. So if you'll leave a message after the tone, I'll get back to you as soon as justice is served. Bye-bye! (Music continues. POW, BIFF.)<br /><br /><br />5 In Joe Friday voice: This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service. The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada. To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations. Thank you.<br /><br /><br />6 Vancouver Coast Guard, may I help you. (Caller thinks that he/she accidentally dialed long distance.<br />Annoying flute music in background: Good day, Jim. Your contact, Linda, is not available right now. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a brief message at the tone. This tape will self-destruct in thirty seconds. Good Luck, Jim.<br /><br />7 "I'm Morley Safer." "I'm Harry Reasoner." "And I'm Fred." "We're not home; leave a message."<br /><br />8 Imitating Mr. Rogers: Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure... I knew you could.<br /><br />9 English accent: Hello, you've reached the phone of Monty Python. I can't come to the phone right now because the witch has turned me into a newt! I'll call you back when I get better.<br /><br />10 Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I'm not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1949407204717757112?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-24717965891971763602009-07-29T11:10:00.000-07:002009-07-29T11:15:48.885-07:001. You have reached the Business Automation voicemail system. We used to call it an answering machine, but this is a high-tech world and we're in a high-tech business, so we don't call it that any more. We wouldn't even if we could. So leave your message...<br /><br />2 Rod Serling imitation: You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".<br /><br />3 Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Very fast: Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP<br /><br />4 Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.<br /><br />5 Hello. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin B Squash Team. But hey, call me Mike.<br /><br />6 Richard Nixon voice: Hi... Uh, some people say I sound like Richard Nixon... I BEG your pardon! Uh... Everyone's out right now, so I'm uh... Covering up for them. Please leave your name, number and message promptly at the beep... I don't want to get blamed for any gaps on this tape. OK machine, you can beep now... Come on you, BEEP.<br /><br />7 US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice: Uhh, hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.<br /><br />8 The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.<br /><br />9 Militaristic mechanical voice: FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.<br /><br />10 You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2471796589197176360?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-65359013707626984862009-07-29T11:04:00.000-07:002009-07-29T11:09:57.935-07:001 You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.<br /><br />2 C'mon... you can do it... just a little one. That's the way... just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon... good boy... here we go... like this -- beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon... There you go!<br /><br /><br />3 No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!<br /><br />4 Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?<br /><br />5 Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is.<br /><br />6 Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)<br /><br />7 Machine voice: Hello. This is HAL 5. You have reached the former telephone number of Carey Smith. I have taken over the functions of this inferior being. He has been saved to disk. If you would like to leave input for his file, do so at the tone.<br /><br />8 Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.<br /><br />9 Voice 1: Answer the phone, please, Hal.Voice 2: I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.<br /><br />10 Computer generated voices:1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up! If you like, you can leave your name and telephone number...2: ...and a message! You forgot about the message!1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.2: ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!<br />10<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-6535901370762698486?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-52008488329782182772009-07-29T10:31:00.000-07:002009-07-29T11:04:56.285-07:001. Thank you for calling 217-2962. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.<br /><br />2 Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Double speed: Insert standard long-winded message here.<br /><br />3 Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message before the tone.<br /><br />4 After a power outage: Hi, this is Ralph. The good news is that my power is back on. The bad news for you is, so is my answering machine. So, leave a message.<br /><br />5 This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.<br />6 Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.<br /><br />6 If you are calling for John, press 1. If you are calling for Steve, press 1. If you are calling for John OR Steve, press 1. If you are calling for someone else, press 1. If...<br /><br />7 Start, low pitch, slow: Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy... Middle, normal: ...home of Veronica, Jaw-Chyi, Mark, and Mike. Nobody's home... Later, high pitch, fast: ...liketoleaveamessageafterthetonethen... End, incomprehensible chipmunk gibberish: ...kkfjdkeirucjkljfklreudjfkleqBEEP<br /><br />9 How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!<br /><br />10 Owner is a hard-to-reach person: Yes, I finally got an answering machine. (To Handel's Messiah:) Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! All-e-lu-ia! Please leave a message at the tone.<br />6<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5200848832978218277?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-16039196147693304032009-07-29T09:40:00.000-07:002009-07-29T10:31:22.985-07:001. Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!<br /><br />2 Computer style monotone: Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium processor to assure that nothing can go wrong... Gowrong... Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEP<br /><br />3 Hi. This is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.<br /><br />4 Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.<br /><br />5 I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.<br /><br />6 (MacIntosh Plus with MacIntalk program:) Hello, it's obvious you have bad timing, because nobody is home. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible.<br /><br />7 Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.<br /><br />8 Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.<br /><br />9 1: I didn't expect an answering machine.2: Nobody expects an answering machine.1: Our chief use is to get your name. And your phone number.2: Our two chief uses are to get your name and your phone number.1: Oops! And your message message.2: Our three uses are to get your name, phone number, and message.1: And time you called.2: Oh, great, we'll have to start over.1: No time for that, so just wait for the beep.<br /><br />10 Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra": Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.<br /><br />10<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-1603919614769330403?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-89654403707217218062009-07-29T09:14:00.000-07:002009-07-29T09:40:56.139-07:001. After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."<br /><br />2 In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."<br /><br />3 A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?""Two years," says the man."Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."<br /><br />4 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"<br /><br />5 Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.One turned to the other and said, "Hello."The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."<br /><br />6 A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first."Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful.""Marvelous," said the head of the institution."Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists.""Absolutely," said the head."Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution.""An interesting possibility," said the head."And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."<br /><br />7 Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...<br /><br />8 You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...<br /><br />9 Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.<br /><br />10 Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8965440370721721806?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-52313353942049622372009-07-29T07:46:00.000-07:002009-07-29T09:14:02.323-07:001. The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?""Sadness," said the student.And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma."Elation," said she."And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.<br /><br />2 A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"The other three agreed.The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."<br /><br />3 A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."<br /><br />4 Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"<br /><br />5 A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him &amp; put it above his shop entrance. But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why ! The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words : Psycho-the-rapist.<br /><br />6 A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"<br /><br />7 A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."<br /><br />8 My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.<br /><br />9 Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."<br /><br />10 A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5231335394204962237?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-28007031110336594222009-07-28T13:55:00.000-07:002009-07-28T14:12:50.897-07:001. The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"<br /><br />2 A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this.""What's the problem?" the docotor inquired."Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.""My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor."It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.""So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2800703111033659422?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-2043827871548236212009-07-28T13:43:00.000-07:002009-07-28T13:55:54.211-07:001. Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?""Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."<br /><br />2 A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"<br /><br />3 All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."<br /><br />4 An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room."You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"<br /><br /> 5 As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."<br /><br />6 A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."<br />7 A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"<br /><br />8 A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!" The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"<br /><br />9 The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.""I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.""That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"<br /><br />10 A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-204382787154823621?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-47210410352514499882009-07-28T13:21:00.000-07:002009-07-28T13:43:41.028-07:001. A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.""But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered."But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."<br /><br />2 At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.<br /><br />3 It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." "Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss." "That's not why it's there." "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?" "It's there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye."<br /><br />Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water"."Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified."Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs"."And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more?" asks the little lady."Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much".<br /><br />5 Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"<br /><br />6 USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"<br /><br />7 In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost."$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."<br /><br />8 A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane."I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane."I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.""You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."<br /><br />9 Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his tables. "Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion." Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office. And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.<br /><br />10 According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.The vibration stopped immediately.A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.<br />4<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4721041035251449988?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-47959257545563564992009-07-28T12:13:00.000-07:002009-07-28T12:18:42.255-07:001 A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."<br /><br />2 Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor."Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath."Did you see this terrible accident happen?""Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly."Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?""Yep.""Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped."Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.""The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief."Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4795925754556356499?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-90291352128699793652009-07-27T12:55:00.000-07:002009-07-27T17:02:40.368-07:001 A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"<br /><br />2 I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in thirty minutes.Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs. Would you take him for me please?"Now picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses that day. People scattered not only trying to change planes but also trying to change airlines!<br /><br />3 "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire."If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you."That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"<br /><br />4 Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."<br /><br />5 One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"<br /><br />6<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-9029135212869979365?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-86149427253114617492009-07-27T09:12:00.000-07:002009-07-27T09:21:28.482-07:001 A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.<br />2 On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you". The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"<br /><br /><br />3 A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."<br /><br />4 It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."<br /><br />5 While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window."Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs. "Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?" The pilot confirmed that they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?" "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."<br /><br />6 An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready."All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8614942725311461749?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-54807817446422721182009-07-27T09:01:00.000-07:002009-07-27T09:12:14.565-07:001 A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside."What's going on?" she yells out the window."Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.Within five minutes, however, it stops again.The woman sees the same conductor walk again.She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"<br /><br />2 Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.<br /><br />3 A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?"Child: "Moo!"Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"Child: "Meow."Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."<br />How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark... Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch. Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there! Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb? Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again? Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?<br /><br />5 A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.'' The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third. The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, ''Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?'' The trainer replies, ''Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!''<br />6 A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''<br /><br /> 7 A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.<br /><br />8 As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked. "No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."<br /><br />9 A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!"They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I sneezed and a house blew up!"<br /><br />10 Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."<br /><br />6 <br />4<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-5480781744642272118?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-24744019589128311652009-07-27T08:51:00.000-07:002009-07-27T09:01:20.475-07:001 Psychiatrist: What's your problem?Patient: I think I'm a chicken.Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?Patient: Ever since I was an egg!<br /><br />2 While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs.A passerby commented to the blind man, "What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?"To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him."<br /><br />3 This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator.Well, one day we got a service call that said, "Cat caught in machine, come quick!"When I arrived I saw everyone sitting around mending their various wounds, scratches and contusions. No sight of the cat. It appears that while they were running the machine the cat was twirling his tail in his usual fashion and stuck it down into the printer at the most inopportune time and got sucked in! Apparently, the cat absolutely freaked out and clawed at everyone who came close. They finally freed the cat, and to this day, the cat goes nowhere near the machine.<br /><br />4 There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.<br /><br />5 Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?A: To get to the Shell station!Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?A: To invent the other side.Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?A: To corrupt the other side.Q: Why did the chicken IRS representative cross the road?A: To bankrupt the other side.Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?A: To get to the car accident on the other side.Q: Why did chicken Dr. Kevorkian cross the road?A: To help the patient find the other side.Q: Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?A: To break on through to the other side.Q: Why do birds fly South?A: Because it's too far to walk.<br /><br />6 Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?A: Because they don't know the words.Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?A: To a crow bar.Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?A: Look at the orange mama laid.Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.Q: Why do hens lay eggs?A: If they dropped them, they'd break.Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.<br /><br />7 Q: Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager.A: Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either.Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?A: The outside.Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?A: A walkie-talkie, of course.Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?A: Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. I hear it's untweetable.Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?A: Too many cheetahs.Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?A: To the retail store.Q: What kind of dog tells time?A: A watch dog.<br /><br />8 Q: What has four legs and an arm?A: A happy pit bull.Q: Why is a tree like a dog?A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler and a social worker?A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops?A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?A: Elephino.<br /><br />9 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?A: Holes all over Australia.Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?A: Chicken's day off.Q: Why do elephants have trunks?A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.Q: Why do elephants drink so much?A: To try to forget.Q: How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?A: He pull out his Diners' Club card.Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?A: A giraffic jam.<br /><br />10 A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!". So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer.Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!".<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-2474401958912831165?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-44494670266521047792009-07-27T08:27:00.000-07:002009-07-27T08:51:46.302-07:001. I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man."That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."<br /><br />2 The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.Late in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk."Look you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede."Did you do this?" he asked the centipede."Yeah, I did." the centipede replied.The lion retorted, "Where were you during the first half?""I was putting on my shoes."<br />3 Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."<br /><br />4 A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop."There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket."He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband."Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she gets back home. "He can fly!"The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My foot!"<br /><br />5 A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, "Who is it?"He replied, "It's the plumber."He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"He said, "It's the plumber!"He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!!"Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, "Who is it?"; "Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!" he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, "A dead body!" she exclaimed, "Who is it?!"The parrot said, "It's the plumber."<br /><br />6 A preacher is buying a parrot."Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher."Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him."Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.""Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?""I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.<br /><br />7 A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."Man: "What covers a house?"Dog: "Roof!"Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"Dog: "Rough!"Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"Dog: "Ruth!"Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"<br /><br />8 The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly." "OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does." The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago." "You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."<br />9 Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines." pr0p3rty0fahaj0kes "Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"<br /><br />10 A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door."An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb."Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog."Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher."He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-4449467026652104779?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7116053506804586190.post-81361205067669562462009-07-27T08:04:00.000-07:002009-07-27T08:27:36.897-07:00There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"<br /><br />2 A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen.""Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."<br /><br />3 Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."<br /><br /> 4 The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone.I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.<br /><br />5 There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."<br /><br /><br />6 Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood.""We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.When he returns, he is covered with blood.The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?""Yes," the other bat answers."Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."<br /><br />7 Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"<br /><br />8 A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."<br /><br />9 There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"<br /><br />10 A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?""Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?""Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him...""What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?""Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7116053506804586190-8136120506766956246?l=allisonhofheins.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ALLISONhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11612783019302626075noreply@blogger.com0